The Charisma Coach!

2009-03-10T08:22:00.001-04:00

Last Minute Change

I hosted our SPD Parent Support Group last night. On Friday night, the speaker who was booked called me to cancel due to a family emergency. I was booked all day Saturday and Sunday and didn’t think most people wanted to do business then anyway, so I decided to wait until Monday morning.

I called the local Whole Foods and local Chamberlains and didn’t have any luck there. I even called the corporate office at Chamberlains and didn’t have any luck. I contacted a neighbor who is a nutritionist but she wasn’t available. So I finally decided whatever was supposed to be would be, and that if I found a speaker that came knocking, then I’d book them. So finally, my mom called and told me about Ken Blake, the owner of Curves. I called him and he accepted!

What a treat! Ken was such a delight and so dead on with his message. Although we had a small crowd, he gave the exact message that each of us needed. He was able to hear all of the stories of struggles that each of us have endured with finding the right therapies for our kids and add some advice and lots of empathy and encouragement for all of us.

What an amazing night. It wasn’t what I had expected but it was exactly what was perfect. The right speaker gave the right message for the people who were there, and anyone else wouldn’t have been as perfect as the substitute who came.

So, I’ve learned, when things don’t go your way, when someone cancels on you or changes the plans and you weren’t expecting it, I’ve learned just to go with the flow and know that it’s exactly as it should be.

Perfect!

In Cyber Space and in Business… The NEW Sales and Marketing Models!

2009-02-19T13:10:00.000-05:00

Oh my goodness. Things are changing so fast.. it’s like WARPED speed. I just shared with a client that if you taught marketing a year ago.. you’re OUTDATED. Yep! It’s true. Things are happening so fast in cyber space that networking and marketing have turned the corner.

Now.. it’s all about Facebook, Twitter, Second Life, Linked In and Classmates.com. When my clients ask, isn’t that for younger kids? Yes.. and it’s also for ANYONE who wants to stay current! And.. are people getting business out of them? YES! I spoke with a friend today who got his job because the boss found him and was introduced on Linked In.

I’ve also talked with the POWER players and they are annoyed by the many people who are trying to meet with them and get linked up with them. My advice to them is to NOT accept people they don’t want to get connected to, but DEFINITELY to link to those people in their industries who they’d normally hang with at conferences. You WILL miss fun and important conversations if you’re not doing the social networking on line. Even my 70+ year old mom feels she needs to be on Facebook because she’s missing out on fun stuff with her family out West.

The other advise I give to “power players” (people who everyone wants to sell to or a piece of their action) is that they want to think about WHAT THEY WANT. For instance, one of my best friends has a son who plays soccer. His absolute DREAM is to go to Notre Dame. So yesterday in a lunch meeting, I was told about a local Notre Dame Alumni club and that she can have her son join this club. I think it’s actually just a club for fans of ND. Anyway, these are people that she wants to get to know, so she can connect to these people on Facebook and Linked in and Twitter so they can know about her and her son! This is how the new way of business is being done!

So out with the OLD and IN with the NEW!!! Don’t be making an excuse that you’re over the age of 40 and this doesn’t apply to you. I KNOW you don’t have time.. no one does.. so guess what? You have to just do it, and fit it in, and it just becomes a part of your regular day. You’re going to have to choose not to be a dinosaur .. and invest a little time in becoming HIP in the marketing scene once again.

Trust me, it’s worth it. I’ve found several people already who are able to help me with the products I’m selling and with the book that I hope will be published soon. These will have a direct impact on my business.. so YES, I am doing business on social networking sites! And I’m developing relationships and friendships!

Not to mention Second Life, where you create an avatar of yourself and show up for meetings and webinars and conferences as an avatar and listen to speakers who are avatars and meet with individuals all over the world… as AVATARS! It takes a few hours to master this one and to build your perfect Avatar, but get the money out because soon you’ll be doing a lot of business there.. and visiting stores there virtually, and conducting meetings there. It’s fun and takes time to get the hang of it. My first “real time conversation” I went over to two people talking and introduced myself and said, “You are my first people I’m talking to here.” And their answer? “Se habla Espanol?” Nope! So I scampered away!

It’s all good!

So jump on board.. and get with the program.. and when you do.. I’d love to invite you to follow my interesting, personal, professional and cause oriented updates at www.twitter.com/marygardner !

I’ll see you in Cyber Space!

Going Back to my Roots of Sales and Promotion!

2009-02-18T08:59:00.000-05:00

I finally admitted it a few weeks ago. I knew it all along. I tried to stuff it down deep and bury it and learn all sorts of other things. I took classes, certifications, studied, taught, coached, owned businesses and ran as far as possible from it… but it’s back… because I finally realized.. after 15 solid years of trying NOT to do it.. but doing it all along.. the simple truth is.. is that I’m … I’m … I’m a promoter.

Yep! I’m a sales person!

OK! Before you run the other way … I’ll explain!!! It’s actually a good thing to be a natural promoter. And I’m learning how GREAT it is to have a skill like this! Because as it turns out now.. I’m able to help a TON of people!

My first job out of college was an administrative job which I was not suited for and horrible at. I was a secretary on Capital Hill. All I wanted to do was to hang out and meet the celebrities who would eye me across the room during big Judiciary meetings but would ultimately be chased down by the politicians who were more important than some cute 20 something young girl who just loved the excitement of it all. I was the one who would type up letters and my eyes would miss 2 or 3 sentences and the letters wouldn’t end up making any sense. The Attorney on Staff, Beverly, was very gracious and never made me feel bad, but I just never felt like I quite cut it and I ultimately quit a few weeks before the Senator I worked for retired.

Then, I landed the job that would ultimately change the direction of my life..booking celebrity speakers through Keppler Speakers in DC. I loved that job, loved the people I worked with and did it well for 7 years. I came up from nothing and ended up making a name for myself, jamming on the phones every day to colleges all over the US.

My goal was simple. Find out WHO the person was, and coach them to find it.. to do it or to achieve it! And oh, yah, by the way.. book some speakers with them.. which I always did. I truly loved the people I met and am STILL friends with some of them to this very day. One guy I spoke with was the brother of one of my clients. He’s now a big wig with the Major Baseball Leagues in London. Clive Russell is still a good buddy.. and that’s from about 16-17 years ago!

I finally decided to get out of sales when I moved to NC and started a PR business. Little did I realize, that EVERYTHING is sales, and everything NEEDS to be sold. From the napkins you eat with to the clothes you wear, someone is using their talent to show it, demonstrate it and present it to the right people. It’s all about the connections.

So, I’ve gone BACK to my roots, of selling, and I feel so blessed that I can go BACK to such a fun career as booking entertainment. Oh, I”ll still coach and speak and do marketing consulting, but I’ll be promoting and selling and helping whoever I can during this time where everyone seems to need an extra push to get out there and let their services be known!

I’m finding now that it’s like getting back in some old jeans that fit just right, or an old shoe that your feet just slides in comfortably. I’m able to see the GOOD and the HIP parts of whoever I meet and can shine the light on them in a fun way so everyone enjoys it. If it’s not a fit for someone else.. no problem.. “have a great day and we’ll catch up again later”. But if it is, then I’ll make sure they’re incredibly happy with their choice!

Going back… it’s not so bad. I’ve had some great experiences in between.. on TV, with PR, with branding, coaching, training, management and with entrepreneurship. But I’ve never quite felt like it fit like a glove. I had to work at it a little, and had to gear up and practice and learn. Not with sales. Not with promotion. It came as natural as any instinct can.

So, I’m back. I’m not boxing myself into just speakers or performers. My skills are here to help whoever needs it and who I can really serve … so I can make us both money.

Going back to stuff from the past. Not always a bad thing… and sometimes its just the EXACT right thing.. that you need .. to move ahead!

Are you bored while others are Talking?

2009-02-16T13:36:00.000-05:00

Recently in one of my corporate seminars, a very attractive man was in attendance. He was young, muscular in build and dressed well. He looked as if he had everything in the world going for him. When it came to his turn to share what he would like to get out of that day’s session, he said he’d like to be able to close more sales. I thought to myself, “interesting! He seems like the type of person anyone would buy from based on his appearance.” Then, an interesting thing happened. I started the seminar, and he got out his blackberry and started typing.

Within minutes of him doing his own thing, I took a break and went back to the fellow to see if everything was okay. He said yes and that he was just answering emails. I asked him if he felt he was going to get the best out of the seminar without spending time IN the seminar listening, he said he would take time to listen. After the break, he had put away his Blackberry, but now, he was writing in his notebook. Nothing I did seemed to bring his attention back around to the seminar. So, I changed my tactic. I asked everyone buddy up and work together in threes, to practice pitching their company after engaging in small talk as people do.

I watched from the side and noticed that he was electric when it was his time to pitch. He was animated. He was engaging. But when it was time to listen, he became completely distracted, bored and somewhat disengaged from his conversation partners.

When I spoke with his group about their exchange with one another, I encouraged them all to discuss how it was engaging with each other. I specifically asked the other two how it was when they were talking with the young, attractive man. They both sheepishly admitted that they felt like he was disinterested, bored and only cared about his own message and not about theirs.
I asked if he felt if any of this behavior might impact his sales and his closing ratio? He said that he had ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and that he had been told that he wasn’t a good listener. He knew that it was impacting his relationships and his work but he still didn’t know how to change or improve that. Knowing that a person has difficulty with staying focused in conversations is the first part to correcting it. I shared with him one way to stay focused is to focus on the person to make sure they’re comfortable in conversation. Making sure that you’re physically mirroring them is one way to make them comfortable, and remaining good eye contact is another. Asking questions to further the conversation will allow them to feel like you’re engaged in the conversation and finally remaining eye ball to eye ball eye contact is essential. I shared with them that there is and eye “glare” which tells the person, “hurry up so I can talk” or there is the soft eye, that says, “I’m interested in you.” Practicing these skills in the mirror at home will help in the real world. But yet, he does have a point. I have worked with clients whose mind wanders off so quick that it is really uncomfortable. So, I called a friend of mine, Dr. Rex Birkmire of Birkmire Behavioral Health in Winter Park to ask him if ADD can cause a person to lose focus in a conversation and here is what he said: “The answer is yes. ADD does cause people to lose focus and often interrupt . The entry to the ADD mind is often an unfiltered mind with numerous distractions from inside and out. As a result their consciousness is flooded with information and distractions that result in poor focus, poor concentration, poor listening skills, poor memory and finally interrupting . Medications often help the brain to focus better so one is able to listen as well as remember conversations, and finally allows the listener to have enough focus and concentration to remember what they want to say with out having to interrupt the other person.” In today’s world with daily information overload, it seems like everyone suffers from a little ADD. Taking care of kids, a house, a job, maintenance on the cars, career growth, vacations, pets, etc.. its overwhelming for most people! But for a person who does have a different brain chemistry which interferes with every day life, then they just can’t keep up. There are many alternatives to curing or managing ADD including homeopathic health remedies, supplements, and exercise. If its getting in the way of your every day life, then it’s time to take charge and investigate it to see what you can do to ensure that you’re able to engage in relationships at full capacity. Here are a few quotes from some great Communicators
When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen. Ernest Hemingway
"It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much." --Yogi Berra "Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery."
-- Joyce Brothers "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
--- Winston Churchill Amen to that!!! So lets shut those mouths and give others their fair share! After all, they deserve to have some fun too!

Meeting a Gubernatorial Candidate from the Great State of Virginia!

2009-02-13T20:45:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, my friend Angie Haddock told me she was going to a democratic fundraiser that her father in law Ed Haddock, the owner/founder of Full Sail in Winter Park, FL, John Morgan, the founder of Morgan & Morgan, and a few others, were putting on for Terry McAuliffe, the former DNC chair and best friend of Bill Clinton. I wasn’t going because it was democratic, because I usually tend to vote for the person who I feel will be most effective leading.

I went primarily to support my friend Angie and to meet people in my home town. And meet I did! I met so many amazingly nice people who were so interesting and fun!

When Ed Haddock got up to introduce his old friend Terry was when I knew we were in for a treat. Ed is an incredibly charming distinguished. speaker and person, with a quick wit and fun story or two, told about his long time relationship Terry and with Virginia. His own father was Mayor of Richmond so he grew up with southern roots.

When Terry took the floor, he was like an electric charger that brings the electricity up in the room about 10x. . He’s a go getter, ambitious and says what he feels. He’s passionate about Virginia and about creating jobs for the people who are suffering there. He shared stories of some communities that actually have big and great jobs available but they’re unable to find anyone who can actually pass the drug test! So, we heard many stories of the traffic congestion on the beltway around Virginia, about the difficulties of commerce and how he’s gotten the support of big named Republicans because he’s Pro business!

There is hardly any way to resist the message the Terry is espousing! He’s dynamic, passionate and as John Morgan calls him, a “force of nature”. That’s absolutely true. Listening to him, it’s easy to get caught up in the enthusiasm and you just absolutely believe that Terry CAN and WILL fix the problems! Then, you start thinking, wow.. I’d really like to work on that campaign.. because he really stands for something great! This was honestly the first and only time that I ever thought about going back to Virginia after leaving in 1993!

I felt great to get to be in the presence of what I felt was a really strong leader and I enjoyed hearing his ideas and his passion for helping people all over his state. I was curious and gathered, that he’d probably be open to a higher office in the future, if the opportunity arose.

Terry McAuliffe, a moderate democratic candidate for Governor is the real deal. I won’t be voting because I don’t live there.. but if I did, I’d be voting for him!

Plugging into Positive Stuff

2009-02-11T22:54:00.000-05:00

Oh my gosh.. I just wrote a whole blog and then my BATTERY Died! Yep.. right before I was SAVING it! So… now it’s 10 34, and way past my bed time so in a nut shell.. here it is!!!

Great call today with the BTS gals. On weight and health.. check us out.. you’ll totally learn and get pumped!!!

I’m keeping things positive and cool things are happening. People are asking me who I’m reading (www.beyondthestuff.com!!!) and what they can do to stay the same way. Very cool.

Another gal who is in the hospital shared that my message was the ONLY positive thing she’d heard all week long.. and she thanked me.. that was really a great experience for sure!

I’m twittering lots of positive stuff, and taking OFF anyone who is reporting on the news. I don’t want to know about companies closings and lay offs. I’d rather talk about NEW opportunities for those people and how their lives are about to change.. ultimately for good!

Many “services” have been offered to me to help me with my upcoming book on our journey with SPD, ADHD and Atypical Autism. So when I mentioned last week I’m praying for financial abundance, I’m getting it, although not in cash at this point, but definitely lots of value!

Kelly reengineered my “talk” from “I need to pay bills” to “my bills will be paid on time and will get paid!” It’s much more empowering to claim with all certainty that the bills WILL get paid!! “My bills WILL get paid. My bills WILL get paid. My bills WILL Get paid”. I don’t have to know how or when or where, but they WILL get paid! Kelly is certain of it!

I’m starting a 30 day test of faith for a healing from ADHD in our home. My son is still having challenges so for the next 30 days, we’re reading healing scriptures and applying the same talk to Jeremy that is about him being a FOCUSED, OBEDIENT, compliant and an outstanding student with great behavior. We’ll start those affirmations in the morning and I will be recording the outcome.

So that’s what’s going on in a nutshell. I’ve been getting to bed earlier and waking up earlier which has been nice. I’m still plugging away at the gym and am still doing pretty well there. I’m grateful for the peace that I feel and have had in my home and am grateful that I’m so abundantly blessed with friends!!!

I will report next week on the updates of what I hope will be miracles that have taken place!!! Please send me your positive energy, and your prayers.. and I’ll send you mine!

Chose what Messages You Listen to!

2009-02-10T09:27:00.000-05:00

I have had it! I have made my home a NO NEWS ZONE! I’m not going down that path any more. I’ve also decided NOT to read the front of YAHOO anymore because it’s all of the news of doom and gloom and I have CUT MYSELF OFF from all that is negative. As a matter of fact, if you’re a friend or family in my life and start to talk about the economy and anything related to that, then I will politely say, “it’s not for me” and I’ll change the topic and move on.

I feel like I’m putting on an armor every day. I’m gearing up for battle. Every single day going into the world is like getting attacked by vicious bad energy and negativity, so I am now spending more and more time reading positive things and spending more time with my journal and in the quiet space of my home.

I’ve now announced on through TWITTER that I will no longer follow any bloggers/ or twitter users who are not espousing goodness and positive energy and stories. One guy whose name has something about making BIG money, is only reporting how many companies are closing and how many people are out of work. So I announced to all of the 75 people who are now following me.. most of who I don’t know, that if they don’t stand UP and be a leader now, then I will STOP following them! I’ve blocked a few people whose name indicates they’re big $ makers when in reality they’re following everyone else and not a leader at all.

I’m also finding some really great people who are staying positive and moving forward in spite of what else is going on around them. This is the person who will excel in this environment.. the one who knows where they’re going and has the ability to get others along with them.
This morning, my son and I were riding our bikes to school. He’s in second grade and when we got nearer to school I heard a girl call his name over and over. He told me who it was and said she’s always chasing him. HE didn’t even STOP to take a look around to see who it was. He noticed it but didn’t change HIS course of action which was to zoom as fast as he could to the school, park his bike, and get inside so he could see his buddies. No girl was going to distract HIM from doing what he wanted to do. Once he parked his bike he RAN inside, where I found him stomping on the feet of one of his buddies and messing with the boys. So for HIM, it was important to be with the kids and having HIS kind of fun. Nothing else, not even a cute blonde girl, would distract him!

Then, I saw a mom sitting on the ground with the kids, basically just having fun with the kids.. and she was pointing to every child who had Velcro on their shoes instead of laces. She was calling them CHEATER, CHEATER, CHEATER! When she called out MY SON and called him a CHEATER, I quickly responded… NOPE! In our house.. it’s called AN ANSWER TO PRAYER! She laughed!

But.. why should we succumb to HER labels? Just because SHE feels that wearing Velcro isn’t a wise choice, doesn’t mean that we have to accept that negative label she tried to put on my SON. I deflected her comment and turned it around to a joke but let her know.. NOT EVERYONE IS THE SAME.

I see how important it is to chose what filters we allow in our brains. I see how important it is to keep the RIGHT messages coming in so we don’t start altering our behavior to match everyone else who seems to be just looking at WHAT they’re seeing instead of WHERE they want to go.

Make a choice, and then set up your army around you. Get good music, positive friends and plug into people who are excited about the opportunities we have right now.

It’s your choice. Make it count!

Get Under the Current to find your Miracle

2009-02-05T10:32:00.002-05:00

Can you hear it? Can you feel it? Can you sense that there is an electrical current running through our brains? I sense it on the news, I sense it at the stores and wherever people gather, their brains are racing, full of anxiety and strife.

It makes sense. Our news people are feeding us current statistics over and over and over, and on top of the lay offs are the presidential mistakes of selecting “leaders” who have chosen to not BE leaders and do unethical things with their money.. by not paying taxes. Just hearing that story of how they think they’re privileged and can get away with something that the rest of us would be investigated for is enough to anger anyone with common sense. Even President Obama was angered and felt taken advantage of by this scenario. Blah blah blah blah.... ENOUGH!

So how can we live in a place of harmony and where everything is fine and flowing as it should and how can we get that money flowing back in the economy again?

We need to be refueled by something greater than the people on the news, and by someone greater than ourselves. We need to all stop and take some time every morning, to plug into the universal divine one who is able to see what we can not, is able to create miracles when we see no way, and is able to mastermind events without our knowledge. From the beginning of time, people have used their prayer, thought and belief to determine great outcomes and the great leaders of our world have called upon the people to have faith.

How can we develop that faith for our business though when the well is dry? How can we believe things can get better when everyone everywhere is talking like we’re going down the tubes and people are holding on so tight to their money that it’s making their fingers bleed?

By letting go! If you just put your computer down, and go sit on your couch and get quiet and tap into your spiritual mind for a few minutes, you’ll see what I mean. Ask to hear something! Ask for answers! Believe that God will provide you with a source of strength greater than your own!

When you sit and get quiet and just breathe and then let God speak to you. I’ve done this and what comes is that ALL that is important, and I mean ALL that is important… is that you remain in LOVE. That means, love your family, love your friends, love your job and love what you’re doing. You’ll soon find that the bills don’t matter as much, that the cars and the fancy clothes aren’t the priority, and even without them, or with them, you’re still the same person.

I believe that we can and should all take some time to connect with that amazing universal force that I know as God and to ask Him for wisdom and guidance.. for our family, for our kids and marriages, and for our businesses.

Our country needs a miracle right now. And we’ve all witnessed miracles. As one that knew many people who should have been in the World Trade Center on 9/11/01 and just HAPPENENED to be late or not go that day.. was simply a miracle! All of us have witnessed the many miracle pictures that swarm the internet like the car that jumped the curb and ended up on the other side of the median. The two pictures told the story. The car was resting peacefully on the other side of the median so the driver and passengers could get out. The other picture told the real story and was taken from a helicopter that showed the several thousand feet drop that the car could have taken had it rested 1 more foot away on the cliff than it did.

Miracles surround us every day. And the more faith we build as a society, the closer we can get to the miracles we need.

I’m spending some quiet time today and I hope that you will consider doing the same. I believe that our miracles.. are on their way!

Branding the New You- To Fit the New Economy!

2009-02-01T10:08:00.001-05:00

Times have changed.. and so must you! We all have to evolve to move to the next level, and the new recession has brought us to a whole new place that we must adjust to, and then move beyond.

Adjusting our expectations may be a part of doing business now, but also, there are many things that we can do that can help us adjust. We just need to have a strategy and get and stay prepared for what may or may not come.

Keep focused on moving forward. You need a plan that will keep you in a good mental place every day… for instance, turning off the TV and stop listening to the doom and gloom, and create a future for you and your business that will be of immense value to the market place. You probably need to spend some creative time thinking about your new plan, and you might need to meet with new people to help you create this plan, but be for sure, you need to have a new plan that will keep you motivated to moving forward.

Decide to be a LEADER in your life, business, industry and community. What does that mean to you and how do you do it? It takes effort and practice, but at this time in our economy, people NEED to stand up and decide to be a leader. Don’t live with others’ expectations on you. Be assertive and create answers, and create solutions to the problems that now plaque us. Turn into an investigator, learn the new ropes, study and evolve, so you can pass along this information to others and they can see you as the shining star that you are.

Practice Strength. How do we do that? Well, in the gym, you work out every day to increase your muscle strength, and over time your muscles start to emerge and show up where fat used to take place. So evaluate yourself- mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Where is the fat? Where can you start building strength that will balance your whole life so you can emerge as a stronger individual that will be a leader for others.

Get Current! Get on the social networking sites. If you don’t, you’ll be looking like a complete dinosaur in the next year. Jump on the technical bandwagon and stop saying you’re not technical.. just do it and learn it! Talk about it, spend time doing it. It’s not going away, so engage with it and have fun with it!

Have FUN. If you’re having fun, then other people will have fun around you. Spend time getting out of the box, and getting creative and learning new things. The new economy is forcing people to go in new directions so be excited about it, and create new opportunities for yourselves and others. Think about new ideas that will draw people to you and your organization, offer fun times and offer sources of learning. People will engage with you personally and professionally, if you’re offering to take their mind off of things for a while

This new economy is really an exciting time! But you have to decide to do it, and then keep focused on a path that will allow yourself to grow and change and show yourself as a leader. It can end up being, the best time of your life if you let it, and not your worst, as so many people are seeing it now.

Being a Leader in Difficult Times

2009-01-31T10:28:00.001-05:00

This morning I was at the YMCA and admiring some cute work out gear that a couple of the gals were selling. I stopped to talk with them and asked how they got into this work. They told me they were selling the clothes for another gal who imports the line from Isreal, Brazil and all over the world. Then I told them that the clothes were so cute, but they just weren’t in the “budget” right now!

Did that strike up a conversation! One of the women started complaining about being on a budget… I think for the first time in her life. Her husband keeps asking her where the money is going and she said, “groceries”. She didn’t have a budget before so she hasn’t curbed her spending.. and it was frustrating to the husband.

At that moment, she and I both said that everyone is having to cut down now.. and that everyone is having to change their habits. It was also a moment that I could have chimed in some inspirational quote, a piece of faith or cast a vision for the future, that isn’t the doom and gloom that the TV personalities are sharing, but a vision of hope, that we will be fine and we will survive the hard work we will put in to get us out of this recession.

So this morning, I’m searching for the perfect quote to memorize and share with those who I come in contact with throughout my days. And here are a few:

"It is time for us all to stand and cheer for the doer, the achiever - the one who recognizes the challenge and does something about it." Vince Lombardi

Tony Dorsett said:To succeed... you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you.
Henry Kaiser said: “Trouble is only opportunity in work clothes.”
Then after I say the quote.. I’ll listen to my own words, and then go put it to action! This is how we stay a leader, in difficult times!

Blog from Jamie Miles on FACEBOOK

2009-01-30T11:25:00.001-05:00

“Do I look old?”
Planning to venture into today’s media world, I remembered a high school friend, vivacious, fun-loving Mary Gardner. Television, radio, author; she’s a mass communication maven. Wanting to tap her vast knowledge, we sat down for coffee. A lot has changed about communicating since I’ve been in the business world, but now there is one undeniable common denominator. The Internet. I needed help wading into the vast waters of the Net without becoming tangled. As Mary talked, I took notes, sighed and scratched my head. Web sites, blogs, LinkedIn, EzineArticles, Twitter, change my bio. Did I even have a bio?
“And of course, “Facebook,” Mary mentioned, almost as an afterthought. At this point, my head was spinning and when my head spins I tend to say really stupid things, such as, “Facebook. I hear lots about it, but won’t there be something else in six months?”
Mary stared. “You’re not on Facebook?” No, I whispered, suddenly feeling very, very – I don’t know like a dog taking the most pleasant nap in the sunshine — on his master’s $11,000 Chippendale chair. A very happy hound was he, until his master came through the door cloaked by super-stealth capabilities. Busted; the master staring down upon his beloved dog with such disappointment. Mary had that look. “Jamie, if you’re not on Facebook, people will think you are old?” Think that I’m old? This was bad.
For to be thought old is much worse than to be called old. If someone calls you old to your face, either they are jesting, a cranky sort or believe you are merely acting old and can surely snap out of it. But to be silently considered old; the thinker believes you are beyond the reaches of Botox, boot camp workouts and biofeedback.
I procrastinated. Well, I started working on some of her suggestions. A Web site, a blog, tried to Twitter. It was just the Facebook thing.
Then a friend’s email invited me to join. Now to turn down an invitation would be rude, and though I might be thought old, it would be far worse to be thought rude. So I signed on with the Facebook Nation.
WOW. How long has this party been going on? Within 24 hours, I’d become “friends” with long lost elementary school chums, sorority sisters, missionary friends in Africa, the girl (now woman) who braved cheerleading tryouts by my side and dragged me on my first head-over-heels steel roller coaster; along with the 14 year-old daughter of my dearest college friend.
Who said you can’t teach a slightly-aging dog new tricks? Am I old? Just look at my face…book. (That was just a rhetorical question, not to prompt any posts on such.)

Checkout Mary’s Web site; http://marygardner.com/

Try Marketing from your Compassionate Side

2009-01-30T10:16:00.001-05:00

I just spent a great branding consulting session with an attorney I coach in NYC. He works in the financial industry and told me that his clients have been hit with the recession. One of his clients, a woman who lives in a 5 million dollar house, is lamenting over the fact that she’s having to alter her lifestyle and it’s become depressing for her. She’s having a difficult time keeping up and things seem to be crashing in on her.

We discussed that as an attorney, he has the privilege of hearing about people’s personal lives, and is able to be a comfort to them. My client is a father, a husband, and went through 9/11 in NYC years ago, and has seen the ebbs and flows of life. At that point, I pointed out to him, that THIS is the new way of marketing his services!

We discussed him writing a LETTER to his clients, that will share his understanding of the stresses that we, as a society are under. Additionally, he will share that he’s been through many difficult things in life, such as 9/11 and has been able to experience, that challenges can sometimes trip us for a while, but that things always come back. Maybe not immediately, but eventually, they do come back.

I encouraged him to step up now and to be a strength to his clients, and to share with him that they WILL be fine and they will make it. Then, on a personalized marketing letter, he’ll share the things that he can do for them that will prepare them to go through this recession with the comfort of knowing they are doing all they can to protect their current assets. We listed them – things like readjusting the budget, reallocating funds, refinancing their house, and that he can and will work with their financial advisors, accountants and the banks if necessary.

By coming from a place of strength, and offering to be a source of comfort to his clients now, he’s giving them something other than excellent customer service. He’s giving them peace of mind during a very turbulent time.

Marketing yourself now means that you HAVE to come across as a LEADER. You must share your belief in our country, in your industry and in your service to your customers. People NEED someone to cling to now, someone who is going to tell them that things WILL be alright and that they will survive and thrive.

Try sharing your heart and be compassionate. More than likely, your clients, will open up, and share theirs with you as well. And probably, will trust enough, to open their wallets too!

Marketing The NEW Way!

2009-01-27T11:12:00.000-05:00

News Flash! Things are NOT business as usual!

My friends who go to networking events are sharing with me that their networking groups are up by a ton! My friend Tim who started COFFEEVENT on meetup.com, a networking group around Orlando told me that the numbers are up 55% since December. Wow! Way to go Tim! It’s a great service you’re providing.

People have obviously jumped in and are not taking the recession sitting down. They realize that their long time customers aren’t buying the volume that they were or have cut down entirely, and are now out looking for new customers. Many are adding new services or adding something new and unique to their offerings, and are putting in longer hours and offering better customer service than ever.

I read recently that if you want to be noticed, that your product or service really has to be something out of the ordinary, and do what others won’t. Businesses that are growing, are answering a need in the marketplace and not requiring their customers to buy in large quantities, and the old rules aren’t necessarily applying to today. Just take a trip to the mall and realize that so many businesses are going out of business so the ones that are surviving are doing something unique, new or different.

No one can afford to be the same as usual anymore.

Still, people are buying. If you take a trip out to Disney World or Universal, people are still partying and enjoying life. Perhaps many of the people pre-purchased these vacations like a lot of the experts said, or maybe they just needed a break from the constant stress that now surrounds each of us with the financial woes of our country.

Businesses are now spending more money on marketing and that’s where we are able to help. We’re now sending out mailings for numerous businesses and helping them be seen over all of the others.

Bartering is also a great new avenue that people are tapping into. Ask yourself, what services can you barter? This is the time to FIND something, because if things continue, it might come in handy to have something valuable to barter. Check out Craigs list to see the many people who are bartering services and products.

For those of you who are finding business in new and unique places.. way to go. Drop a note and let me know where you’re finding it and what you’re doing that’s new and unique.

Don’t take this recession sitting down. Don’t roll over and play dead! Get in the game, be seen and get excited. Our creativity can flow when we absolutely HAVE to come up with a new solution!

If you need a jump start on your creativity, a great book is Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. Or check ezinearticles.com on how to jump start your creativity!

Get those juices flowing…and who knows.. you might strike gold!

Expressing a Positive Attitude When the Well is Dry

2009-01-23T16:17:00.001-05:00

Every where I turn, people are talking about the recession… and comparing this to the Great Depression of the 30s. There is talk about the price of gas returning this summer to an all time high and the news continues to report lay offs by major companies. One peak at the front of Yahoo and there are announcements of numerous stores that are in the process of filing Chapter 11 and going down the tubes. Several people I know are hunting drastically for a job and finding nothing because of all of the hiring freezes, and people that I know where beautiful stay at home moms are now working 3 jobs.

While I’m no different, I’m a bit fortunate in a way, that I’m an entrepreneur and don’t own a store front. That means, I don’t have to be committed to selling pools because I can quickly hang up a new “sign” on my website, and print up new free cards at VISTA PRINT, and transform into something new every day if I wanted. Of course the whole process of sales and marketing takes time, so that wouldn’t be wise, but I have definitely added to my services over the past few months. We’ve added newsletter services, direct mailings and marketing pieces, and are helping people get up to speed on social networking sites. Wherever there is a need, we’ll fill it. I have an arsenal of professionals just waiting to get to work.. and I’m out there promoting them.

Meanwhile, that process in between the marketing time and the sale, can be a bit frustrating. You throw a ton of stuff out there and promote, promote, promote, hoping to get a sale. And part of why a person will start work with someone new, is because they like their tenacity, their confidence in their product and they feel like they’re the “best man for the job”. They also pick up on their attitude, and if that attitude suggests that the well is dry, and that there is an air of desperation in the air, the buyer WILL go elsewhere.

So how does a person do it? When they’re marketing their law service or their accounting service and need and want to attract customers, how do they stay fresh and positive and confident that they ARE the best person for the job.

There are several tips that I have been following and am encouraging those that I speak with to follow as well.

1. Turn off the news. You don’t need to know it to promote your products and services.
2. Hang around positive people! Seek them out and make a coffee date with them.
3. Drag out the motivational books. There were tons of people who became millionaires during the depression, because they did what others were not willing to do. By doing a bit of research, I found that there were lots of people who did make money during the depression, through investments, and liquefying companies etc.
4. Prepare for the worst. Just like families in California have a plan in the event of an earth quake and those of us in hurricane states have a plan in the event of a hurricane, have a plan for what could happen.
A. Save some Cash- at least a few thousand $ and keep it hidden.
B. Have some skill that people will want to barter… just in case we get to the point where you barter for everything.
C. Keep learning, because there just might be the BIG idea lurking right around the corner that might make you your million!
5. Expect the best! Live in gratitude every day. Be thankful for what you have – your health, your friends, your home, and the little things. Our perspective needs to change a bit, and our expectations, but we can adjust and find the good in all of it.

We’re going to be fine! We’re a strong country! We’re survivors and we’re pioneers! Let’s get out there and make it happen!!

Keeping it real.. every day!

2009-01-22T12:16:00.002-05:00

The Old Man and the Dog
By Catherine Moore

"Watch out! You nearly broad sided that car!" My father yelled at me. "Can't you do anything right?"

Those words hurt worse than blows. I turned my head toward the elderly man in the seat beside me, daring me to challenge him. A lump rose in my throat as I averted my eyes. I wasn't prepared for another battle. "I saw the car, Dad. Please don't yell at me when I'm driving."

My voice was measured and steady, sounding far calmer than I really felt. Dad glared at me, then turned away and settled back. At home I left Dad in front of the television and went outside to collect my thoughts. Dark, heavy clouds hung in the air with a promise of rain. The rumble of distant thunder seemed to echo my inner turmoil.

What could I do about him? Dad had been a lumberjack in Washington and Oregon. He had enjoyed being outdoors and had reveled in pitting his strength against the forces of nature. He had entered grueling lumberjack competitions, and had placed often. The shelves in his house were filled with trophies that attested to his prowess. The years marched on relentlessly.

The first time he couldn't lift a heavy log, he joked about it; but later that same day I saw him outside alone, straining to lift it. He became irritable whenever anyone teased him about his advancing age, or when he couldn't do something he had done as a younger man.

Four days after his sixty-seventh birthday, he had a heart attack. An ambulance sped him to the hospital while a paramedic administered CPR to keep blood and oxygen flowing. At the hospital, Dad was rushed into an operating room. He was lucky; he survived. But something inside Dad died. His zest for life was gone. He obstinately refused to follow doctor's orders. Suggestions and offers of help were turned aside with sarcasm and insults. The number of visitors thinned, then finally stopped altogether. Dad was left alone.

My husband, Dick, and I asked Dad to come live with us on our small farm. We hoped the fresh air and rustic atmosphere would help him adjust. Within a week after he moved in, I regretted the invitation. It seemed nothing was satisfactory. He criticized everything I did. I became frustrated and moody. Soon I was taking my pent-up anger out on Dick. We began to bicker and argue. Alarmed, Dick sought out our pastor and explained the situation. The clergyman set up weekly counseling appointments for us. At the close of each session he prayed, asking God to soothe Dad's troubled mind.

But the months wore on and God was silent. Something had to be done and it was up to me to do it. The next day I sat down with the phone book and methodically called each of the mental health clinics listed in the Yellow Pages. I explained my problem to each of the sympathetic voices that answered in vain. Just when I was giving up hope, one of the voices suddenly exclaimed, "I just read something that might help you! Let me go get the article."

I listened as she read. The article described a remarkable study done at a nursing home. All of the patients were under treatment for chronic depression. Yet their attitudes had improved dramatically when they were given responsibility for a dog. I drove to the animal shelter that afternoon. After I filled out a questionnaire, a uniformed officer led me to the kennels. The odor of disinfectant stung my nostrils as I moved down the row of pens. Each contained five to seven dogs. Long-haired dogs, curly-haired dogs, black dogs, spotted dogs all jumped up, trying to reach me. I studied each one but rejected one after the other for various reasons too big, too small, too much hair. As I neared the last pen a dog in the shadows of the far corner struggled to his feet, walked to the front of the run and sat down. It was a pointer, one of the dog world's aristocrats. But this was a caricature of the breed. Years had etched his face and muzzle with shades of gray. His hipbones jutted out in lopsided triangles. But it was his eyes that caught and held my attention. Calm and clear, they beheld me unwaveringly. I pointed to the dog. "Can you tell me about him?" The officer looked, then shook his head in puzzlement. "He's a funny one. Appeared out of nowhere and sat in front of the gate. We brought him in, figuring someone would be right down to claim him. That was two weeks ago and we've heard nothing. His time is up tomorrow." He gestured helplessly. As the words sank in I turned to the man in horror. "You mean you're going to kill him?" "Ma'am," he said gently, "that's our policy. We don't have room for every unclaimed dog." I looked at the pointer again. The calm brown eyes awaited my decision. "I'll take him," I said.

I drove home with the dog on the front seat beside me. When I reached the house I honked the horn twice. I was helping my prize out of the car when Dad shuffled onto the front porch. "Ta-da! Look what I got for you, Dad!" I said excitedly. Dad looked, then wrinkled his face in disgust. "If I had wanted a dog I would have gotten one. And I would have picked out a better specimen than that bag of bones. Keep it! I don't want it" Dad waved his arm scornfully and turned back toward the house. Anger rose inside me. It squeezed together my throat muscles and pounded into my temples. "You'd better get used to him, Dad. He's staying!" Dad ignored me. "Did you hear me, Dad?" I screamed. At those words Dad whirled angrily, his hands clenched at his sides, his eyes narrowed and blazing with hate. We stood glaring at each other like duelists, when suddenly the pointer pulled free from my grasp. He wobbled toward my dad and sat down in front of him. Then slowly, carefully, he raised his paw. Dad's lower jaw trembled as he stared at the uplifted paw. Confusion replaced the anger in his eyes. The pointer waited patiently. Then Dad was on his knees hugging the animal. It was the beginning of a warm and intimate friendship.

Dad named the pointer Cheyenne. Together he and Cheyenne explored the community. They spent long hours walking down dusty lanes. They spent reflective moments on the banks of streams, angling for tasty trout. They even started to attend Sunday services together, Dad sitting in a pew and Cheyenne lying quietly at his feet. Dad and Cheyenne were inseparable throughout the next three years. Dad's bitterness faded, and he and Cheyenne made many friends.

Then late one night I was startled to feel Cheyenne's cold nose burrowing through our bed covers. He had never before come into our bedroom at night. I woke Dick, put on my robe and ran into my father's room. Dad lay in his bed, his face serene. But his spirit had left quietly sometime during the night. Two days later my shock and grief deepened when I discovered Cheyenne lying dead beside Dad's bed. I wrapped his still form in the rag rug he had slept on. As Dick and I buried him near a favorite fishing hole, I silently thanked the dog for the help he had given me in restoring Dad's peace of mind.

The morning of Dad's funeral dawned overcast and dreary. This day looks like the way I feel, I thought, as I walked down the aisle to the pews reserved for family. I was surprised to see the many friends Dad and Cheyenne had made filling the church. The pastor began his eulogy. It was a tribute to both Dad and the dog who had changed his life. And then the pastor turned to Hebrews 13:2. "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.""I've often thanked God for sending that angel," he said.

For me, the past dropped into place, completing a puzzle that I had not seen before: the sympathetic voice that had just read the right article... Cheyenne 's unexpected appearance at the animal shelter. . ..his calm acceptance and complete devotion to my father. . and the proximity of their deaths. And suddenly I understood. I knew that God had answered my prayers after all. Life is too short for drama & petty things, so laugh hard, love truly and forgive quickly. Live While You Are Alive. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second time. Share this with someone.

Lost time can never be found.

Inauguration Day 2009

2009-01-20T13:20:00.001-05:00

I just finished watching President Barak Obama being sworn in. It was an exciting and thrilling thing to see so many people turn out and be so genuinely happy.

What I took away, is that he is going to lead us, and the countries who watch us to really start the movement of being more compassionate, more helpful and less egotistical. He encouraged us to keep moving, to keep fighting and that we will triumph!

I’m really grateful to live in a country where we are free to vote for who we want to lead us. My mother in law is from Cuba, and she’s only been back once in 60 years… because of the tyrant Castro. It’s wonderful to know that here in America we are free to make our own choices and create our own path.

God Bless America… today and always!

Transitioning Work to Fit the Current Need

2009-01-19T06:13:00.000-05:00

It used to be when you’d bump into friends and associates and ask how they were, the answer would always be a predictable “Great! How are you?” These days however, the return answer is more likely to be, “well, we’re surviving, or I haven’t sold anything in the past 6 months, or we’re really hurting, or even the worst, I lost my job!”

Today’s environment is rough, but there are things that a person can do differently to meet the new business environment with excitement and anticipation instead of with dread.

First of all, if you already serve a niche market and sell something like my friend Fred who sells pools, possibly think smaller. What other services or additions can you offer to the people who already HAVE pools? If people aren’t going to purchase that big ticket item for another year and you have to survive, what are you going to do to adjust… instead of going down with the ship like so many others? In order to get out of the box, try collaborating with former clients or customers who know you well and can offer a sound piece of advice. In addition to that, jump start this collaborative process by getting together with other companies you currently work with and share business. Between the bulk of you, there are likely to be some services that are not now available that jointly you can offer. Even if this is a short term solution, by getting out of the box and offering a service or product that is needed is a way to save the company from going down completely.

I am currently working with a large scale developer. His name is huge around town and he’s won all sorts of awards for the projects he’s developed. He has an eye towards sophistication and his projects have increased the value of the neighborhoods where they were built. This gentleman was a friend of mine from high school, and it’s been fun to work with him over the past few weeks and see how he has transformed his company because he’s not selling the condos that he built. He shared with me that the banks aren’t lending and current homeowners in his projects are underselling the new condos, so he’s losing money fast. I loved his quote that he shared with me, “that everyone these days is broke on different levels”.

My friend has taken an aggressive move to go back into remodeling and renovation. His new motto is no project is too small. We quickly created a “team” of professionals for him.. of kitchen and bath, insurance adjusters and of architects. He’s now set up to do emails and newsletters along with direct mail to reach the community at large. He’s got to let people know about his services and keep in their minds, just in case an opportunity becomes available.

Another “friend” is an architect… and yes I’ve gotten the two of them together! But because she’s not busy with drawing specs and plans now, she’s returned to pottery! She’ll more than likely do art shows and sell pieces to friends and wherever possible.

Another client is an insurance appraiser. He’s currently doing work, but not making as much $ as he could if he was on his own. So, he’s pursuing going out on his own and has a plan to launch by May.

Another client offers therapy services to customers and has a wide range of clients on a weekly. She’s created a resource chart for them to have at home, and we’re about to launch it nationally. It’s a chart that will tell parents how to deal with the kids at the moment they have a problem. What a brilliant idea, and for about $20 and the ability to get the word out nationally, she’s sure to create a new stream of income and to bring value to so many people in the process.

Most of my clients have gotten off their duffs and are networking like crazy! They’re making their mission known in the world of being available and hope to serve their customers with pleasure.

This new work environment has humbled us a bit. But perhaps we needed it. Were we too big for our britches? Were we getting complacent as a country?

As we move into 2009, the prospect for change and growth looks good. We have to do what we can to keep moving, keep active and keep hungry!

I love this quote by the Dr. Martin Luther King, an appropriate person today, MLK day, and quote during these challenging days: “ The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

Lets get out there and show the world what American’s are made of… by surviving one challenge at a time!

Working with a Sense of Calm Today....

2009-01-05T10:43:00.001-05:00

Today is the first workday of the year. We had a wonderful and peaceful and relaxing vacation which we spent with family and friends and even got away to the beach for a week. It was incredible to be with good friends, working out and walking along the beach. I couldn’t have asked for a better time.

So our minds were at rest when we got home on Friday and so we felt rejuvenated to attack the house and clean up the Christmas stuff along with cleaning out closets and drawers and clothes. We’ll be taking a trip to the Good Will this week to make a huge deposit!

My mind now feels fresh with no anxiety to hit the work week. I have administrative things to do, marketing things to do along with sales and customer support, but I am excited to get through these things and have a sense of calm and peace about myself and my work day.

I will keep this in mind when things get overwhelming… and this will be a new habit to integrate this year.

Stop, rest and renew… then get back to work!

When Things are in Sync

2008-12-31T13:10:00.000-05:00

This is a really special week. I keep being amazed (ok, I really wanted to say I keep freaking out!) over how linked it appears my life is flowing right now. I shouldn’t be surprised. I have prayed for miracles and little by little, day by day, they seem to appear out of no where. For starters, our best friends G. and M. from NYC swapped houses with a family in Florida. They found a great one, in Pensacola Beach FL and they invited us to come for the week. We were excited to spend time with them, and so was Jeremy! My college roomie, Donna, her husband Steve, live here with their two kids and they’re newly adopted “cousins” of my son. He considers them like his brother and sister and we’ve made a commitment to see them as much as possible through the years because the kids get along so well. So when we discovered that the swapped house was less than a mile from Donna and Steve’s. And not only that, the couple was a friend of Donna’s! Then, my NYC friends convinced the owners to let them use their luxury condo on the beach instead. So when we got here, we had already spent loads of time here last summer while at surf camp! So, the whole thing was familiar to my son and me. Then we met some of the neighbors. They were former good friends and neighbors of Donna’s and Steve’s. Then at the pool we met a gal from Indiana . As it turned out, her husband and his employee who was coming to stay worked in Mississippi on similar projects. So many cross over’s. Then, other things were happening! Our closest friends J and E from Winter Park happened to plan a trip to Pensacola too. And after talking further we found out that not only did E. go to Auburn a few years ahead of Donna and me, but he went to Donna’s high school in Birmingham! Then, several work things started happening. My friend M. from NYC shared some work contracts with me that I needed to find and she just happened to be working on the same thing at the same time I was. Then she suggested I take a class in a particular area, and I happened to get an email from a friend in Orlando who told me she was not available for a networking event I invited her to because she was teaching a class. Yep! The one I needed to take! I just keep watching these little synchronicities unfold and am amazed at how it all seems to fit so seamlessly. Things that we need, from special conversations with loved ones to new clients calling, keep popping up, and when I pray for something else, it seems to appear. It must mean that our life is in sync at the moment. My family is at rest with people that we love and who love us, and there is such a great feeling of contentment in the air. It’s such a welcome thing after such a difficult year that we’re leaving behind.
I’m now believing that seamless way of living will continue, and that I can have the faith that whatever we need as a family will manifest whether it be love, friends, or a tangible such as finances.

So as we go into the New Year, I welcome a simple way of life and hope and pray that we can be satisfied with whatever comes our way as we pursue our goals in our family and our businesses. And not only be satisfied, but truly know that that is exactly how things are supposed to be.

Because being in sync is truly a wonderful way to live.

Twas the Night Before Christmas

2008-12-24T17:40:00.001-05:00

It’s almost time… the gifts are wrapped.. and Santa has shopped.. and the stockings are hung by the chimney with care… ready to be stuffed!!!

Tonight, at my parents house, will be most of my family getting together to celebrate the birth of the Christ Jesus. We’ll eat, drink and pray, and thank God for our health and for our time on this earth.

Among us, are stressed out parents, brothers and sisters, kids, teens, and even a fiancé who will be at the celebration. We all live very, very different lives, but for the first time this year, we’ll come together as a family and enjoy one another.

We will be at my parents house, who are deeply spiritual people, and who live such selfless and dedicated lives to their families.. more than most people I’ve ever met. My dad is not only the head of the house hold, but a spiritual giant among us, and both he and my mom will be celebrating to have their family there, celebrating the Birth of Christ.

The older I get, the more I think about Jesus being born only 2008 years ago. When we view dinosaur remains in museums that were millions of years ago, a couple of thousand doesn’t seem like such a long time ago. And the more I understand the deep importance of being a mother, the more respect I have for Jesus’ mother Mary, who gave birth they say as a young teenager, and watched her son die a tortured death at the young age of 33.

So tonight, my dad will pray a beautiful prayer to Jesus, who we recognize as God the Son, part of God the Father, and the Holy Spirit… three in one. We will thank Him for being born, and for coming into the world to give us a new direction saving us from our sins.

Then we’ll eat, and drink and open gifts, and then we’ll all go home to wait for Santa and his reindeer. Tomorrow, when we awake, Santa will have arrived, we’ll open the gifts and then we’ll go to mass, and then we’ll spend the day playing with the toys he brought!

The rush is almost done.. I have a few things to do before the 7PM arrival time… but the calm before the storm has arrived.

Blessed be to everyone on this Christmas Eve… Bless us everyone!!!

TIME TO TRANSFORM!

2008-12-22T14:59:00.001-05:00

I love the quote the only constant is CHANGE.

For me, and I think for many people, these challenging and different economic times are forcing me to look at my core and to see what needs change. After evaluation, I realized, “wow.. there is a LOT that needs work in my life.” I guess that I was content with the status quo, and lived as contently as I could.

But now? It’s buck up or shut up time! It’s put the pedal to the medal and get your butt in gear time! It’s the time to take charge, take numbers or whatever else you gotta take to get things rolling forward again in a positive way!

For myself.. I’m considering that I’m doing some transforming. And I’m pretty psyched to say, that as a result of “some” of the transforming.. a LOT of transforming is going on .

Here are a few things that are transforming in my life:1. My business! With several balls in the air and the “go ahead” on several projects, including TV, radio and a book, I’ve had to take a step back and realize that none of them can be completed on my own. I’m now collaborating or looking for partners to collaborate in all of my projects! This takes the burden off of me and can bring my projects to a whole new level!

2. My services! I was doing coaching and TV. Now… all of a sudden, because I have an interest in it and because I write about it for the Orlando Business Journal, I’m working in the area of social media/networking. I love it.. and so much to learn and so much to share!

3. My body! I’m doing the body for life program and it’s easy, a fast transformation in 12 weeks, and I’m not hungry. I’ve been on it a week and my pants are starting to be a bit loser.

4. My habit of drinking a glass of wine daily! The alcohol is now GONE from my diet.. and I feel like I have more energy than ever. I used the excuse that “Oprah and Dr. Oz recommend a glass a day” but truthfully, it did make me relaxed and lazy at the end of the day, not full of energy which is what I need to handle all of the things in our busy life!

5. My family! There were “changes” that needed to happen at home and I forced them to occur. Now, I’m glad I did. Things that had slipped by for a long time are no longer acceptable to me and I’m getting on top of all of these things and with a shift in priorities, we’ll keep these changes in place!

These are just a few but very important changes that I’ve made. I’m upping my game, and I’m moving into a different arena. I’m moving from the minors into the majors and I’m challenging myself to go for the gold.

Okay.. enough of the endless talk. The biggest change is that instead of bragging about all of my changes.. I’m actually implementing them. That is the most exciting part. This time, it’s for real.. and they’re becoming habits instead of dreams!!!

Time to transform???? Get support, learn from the best, and get rid of the distractions. You’ll be glad you did!

Focus on What Matters

2008-12-11T11:50:00.001-05:00

It's no secret to anyone, that living with special needs in a home is very challenging on a daily basis. It can be overwhelming on most days, but recently I heard something that has made it all a lot less challenging. It was a very, very short statement, from a long time friend and business associate, Paul, who I shared with the other day about the issues I deal with on a daily basis. I was telling him about how we have to control every single piece of the environment in our world in order to have a normal day with my son. I shared with him that the external things in my world are also very busy and demanding and sometimes I just get in a state of overwhelm. I feel so incredibly blessed to have the “BTS gals” with whom I can share these daily issues and they’re always quick to help me see the positive amidst the trials.

He told me this: “Focus on What Matters”

Wow… that was so enlightening to me at the moment! It means that I know clearly that the absolute most important thing to me is that my son has a safe and comfortable home, is eating well, and all of his needs are taken care of, and his body, mind, soul and spirit are nurtured. Because he has Sensory Processing Disorder issues, his body gets out of whack quite often and it causes a lot of disruption in our daily routine. If he has an overload of sugar, like one or two ice cream cones, his body reacts so severely that he wakes up at night, thrashing and in turmoil. Then the next day, clothes feel uncomfortable and then we’re late for school.

At this point, controlling our environment, and every single second of his life, is what I have to do in order for our lives to work. I monitor his food, his food intake, to make sure it’s healthy, nutritious and without preservatives. His clothes have to be soft and worn, his hair has to be short or it can cause us to spend an hour fighting it, and he has to do intense exercise every single day, which means swim practice, trampoline jumping or rip stick riding.

Homework is another challenge, and so depending upon the day, it might or might not get done. If he’s uncomfortable, there is no use trying to hurry him up, because he’d react to that, so we have to decide.. what matters more.. him being late or him being comfortable and feeling loved? I choose love.

I can’t say I was always like that! For years, before I knew all of this about my son, I would rush him and hurry him and stress him out… and be completely stressed over the situation. I worried about him getting to school on time, about being respectful of others times, of him getting to say the pledge of allegiance and him not getting a tardy remark. I think of all of the upsets we have had over the years with me not figuring out what would work for HIM first and having everything else come second after him and his special needs.

At this point, we’ve suffered through many years of NOT knowing, that now I’m completely dedicated to helping OTHER families find these things out early so they won’t have to stress and struggle with knowing what to do on a daily basis.

So what about you? What matters most to you? Is it a certain project that you’re working on? If so, what are you doing on a daily basis to support that to happen? Is it your health? Are you committed to being healthy or losing weight? Are you doing everything in your power to support that every second of every day? Is it your children? Do you want them to be excellent students or top notch athletes?

In order for me to be strong enough mentally and physically to handle all of the demands that my personal life takes, I’ve had to move my own health up to a very high priority in my life. I have to feel good in order to handle these complications so they don’t stress me out so I don’t also loose control. And because I’ve done this, I’ve found that I’ve found that I have EXTRA strength, that allows me to be there for my son, for my family, and to give energy to the work that I’m doing and the cause that I’m dedicated to.

So the thought for the day, is to Focus on What Matters! And by clearing out the STUFF that gets in the way of what really matters, and focusing your heart and soul in that direction, and take care of yourself so you have the energy to do what it takes to get it all done, you’ll actually be more effective at doing all of the other stuff that needs to get done.

Amazing, simple, easy, but life changing concept!

Focus on What Matters!

High School Nerves Can Pop Up Anytime!

2008-11-21T09:06:00.000-05:00

Three years ago I moved back to my home town of Winter Park, FL. I have loved running into “kids” who now have kids of their own, even going off to college. Of course our hair is a little greyer, balder, and we might be a little fatter, but the faces are the same and their personalities are usually more developed and secure.

There are still times however, that the old high school nerves pop up, and today is one of those days!

Today I’m giving a seminar to 6 lawyers. It’s not like I haven’t done this before. Two weeks ago I spoke before a crowd of 400+ and barely had a second of nerves. But today? Two football player studs from my high school will be in attendance. And it starts in 1 hour!
Can I teach them something valuable? Will they learn something they didn’t know?

And of course the less secure thoughts…

“Will they like me? Will I dazzle them? Will they wonder… “wow.. she’s really come a long way.. or Yah.. I always knew she had pizzazz in high school!”

Okay.. how silly! It’s the content I’m excited about teaching because I’ve learned so much while prepping for it.

Still.. that little insecure side of me that is creeping up… is still there..

Human nature.. such a bizarre thing.

I’ll just chalk it up to.. I’m human!!!

Wish me luck!!!

A Down Day during the Down Times

2008-11-18T11:35:00.001-05:00

This week I received an amazing gift. It made my heart happy and when I said thank you it was genuine and enthusiastic! The person who gave it to me quickly shared everything about the gift and was just as excited that she was able to give it to me!

What was it?

Not a “traditional” type of gift, but the best kind of gift for a mom who has had a child who is a bit high maintenance at school every day!

It was a note from my son’s Language Arts teacher who told me that my son had a really great day the day before, and was focused, attentive, quiet and read his work really well.

We both were ebullient when talking about the change in my son, and she suggested that whatever we had done that morning, was WORKING! It was a Monday morning that he had the great success and I explained to her that on Sunday, we didn’t do ANYTHING all day long. Jeremy never even got dressed and we just laid around the house all day long and built a fire in the fireplace, I cooked from sun up to sun down, had delicious aromas floating through the house, and my husband, me and Jeremy just enjoyed being at home, and relaxed like most of us never get to do. We watched a little TV, but just a movie at night, while my husband went to church for all of us. I felt it best to keep Jeremy home since the day before he went to the beach and crabbing with our friend Bruce and his two kids and came home very, very content, but had a scratchy voice, which because he loved the sound of it, he kept talking more and more and more!

Most of our week is scheduled down to the minute. I pick up Jeremy by bike at school at 3 in the afternoon, then we race home and have a snack and get his homework done. Then we ride our bikes to the YMCA and he has swim practice for an hour and I work out. Then we go home and I cook dinner, then we either do more homework or play a family game like dominos and then we do the bed time routine. That can take a while of course, because he always likes to get another snack and prolong it as much as possible!

When Friday comes, we don’t have swim practice, so we do “Fun Friday”, which means visit friends, go to Disney World, or hang out at the park with other families. Saturday is usually swim meet day, and chores, and then Sunday morning we go to Church and Jeremy has religious education. There aren’t many days where we do absolutely nothing and enjoy it.

Truth be told, I worked my tail off that day, cooking and cleaning and keeping the fire lit and doing laundry, but it was all at home and we weren’t on any schedule and I was able to make a beautiful, restful and peaceful home for my family. … the kind I always loved when I was a kid.

Little did I know how hard my parents were working to give me that amazing and so oh so needed rest!!

Having a “down” day was exactly what we all needed to give us that boost that we needed to start the week. When the body is tired, it doesn’t function well, and the better it’s rested, the more productive we can be.

Perhaps all of us now need to take a pause, and to readjust our schedules. Perhaps rather than running all of our side businesses, keeping up with the Jones, running here and there and everywhere to try to get it all done, perhaps we should all just take a rest every week and do nothing. Put on some classical music, light a fire in the fireplace or put on some candles to set the atmosphere, and break out the family games.

The rest and the comfort of doing nothing, will probably give you the extra strength to manage the stress that comes along whether you want it to or not, and will probably be exactly what you and your family needs, during this difficult and down economy.

Having Friends during the Trials…is WAY Better than having Stuff!

2008-11-13T20:29:00.002-05:00

At Beyond The Stuff we’ve all made a commitment to take certain days to blog. Yesterday was my day. (www.beyondthestuff.com)

I missed it.

I did try. I sat down and started to write. But all I could come up with was this:

“God help me. God help me. God help me”.

Why? Well, because I live with a son who has been diagnosed on the Autism spectrum. And when we are feeding him 100% organic, no preservatives, limited dairy, glutten, wheat, and he takes all of his 12 vitamins a day and is on NO sugar, and exercises every day, we live a relatively normal life.

When we have Halloween and I cave to his thousands of requests for pop tarts and other sugar infested crap, our life takes a nose dive…. like it did recently.

The stress can get so bad because my son can’t sit for more than a minute at a time. I can’t get him to eat, I can’t get him to get dressed and my beautiful, funny and charming son has his own agenda, and mommy and dad often lose their cool.

Luckily, we understand that ALL parents need breaks, but especially those with challenging situations… and I had off last week, so I gave my husband a few days “off” where he got to stay with my parents to just relax and focus on whatever he wanted to.

Today is a different story. Things have gotten better. The sugar is coming out of his system and the exercise and the low stress/stimulation in our home is working. And most importantly, God did help me. And how did He help me? By sending amazing people my way to support me.. in so many ways. But here is an example of complete amazing support…

“I've been on set the past couple of days but just wanted to send you some strength and positive energy. I can't relate to what you're going through, but I do sense in you a unique resolve to handle even the most challenging circumstances. Sending you my best. Peace”,

“Hi Mary; Sorry you're having a rough time. . I can imagine that it must be very hard for you. (It makes raising my 3 teenage boys seem e-z.) If you want to talk on the phone, please let me know. Hang in there.”

“I'm right there with you, Mary.Here's praying the help continues to come showering down upon you!!!”

“I am sorry that you are having such struggles in your life right now -- butI know that if God is with you, you will overcome whatever life throws at you. "With God nothing is impossible." You and I both know that, but sometimes it takes a lot to really know and trust it. The hard part is applying it to our lives, to put it into action. May I offer one thought? You are not failing at life right now...you are succeeding at standing while the tempest of life swirls around you. Having the ability just to stand, in the midst of the storm, is a very courageous thing to do. And, even more courageous because your child depends on you to do so. Actually, I am moved and impressed at the way you are standing. So,not a failure at all. "Be still and know that I am God," is the requirement of the day.

“Mare, hang in there, you’re doing great things and you’re helping so many of us parents know that there are others out there who understand so thank you”.

“Mary, please feel free to use our mountain house anytime you guys want to get away”

So you can imagine how great I feel today. In addition, my son’s teachers have been extra helpful and understanding with us being late, and with me bringing shoes and socks because he couldn’t put them on without freaking out this morning, and to top it all off, my darling, sweet mom came and cleaned my house yesterday.

These are the things that are important to a person who are dealing with a chronic disability or going through a tough time.

Here are the things that have helped me:
1. Just a kind word that I’m doing the right thing
2. Extra prayer support – and they really do it.. don’t just say it!
3. Words of wisdom and understanding… or just told me to SHARE and VENT.
4. Help with my HOUSE
5. Help with my child- mom did homework with him… WHAT a relief! (And another family offered to take our son for a weekend… which was so generous… and VERY tempting! )
6. Gave my husband and I an opportunity to get away.. as a family or as a couple
7. Bought me lunch – and gave me an opportunity to just get OUT and feel NORMAL.

Were any of these expensive? Nope! They took time, and effort but not a lot of money.. the most was lunch….. and that was about $10 and can I tell you how grateful I was!? Immensely!

So today I sit here thankful, that I have friends and associates who are really, really good human beings. They took a minute out of their day to share their warmth with me and support.. and it has been amazing.

So now, because I’m so grateful, I have ½ hour and I’m going to send notes to people who I know that I can support.. and tell them that I am praying for them.. and that I care for them.

I saw this poem lately that also gave me strength:

Happiness keeps you sweet.
Trials keep you strong.
Sorrows keep you human.
Failures keep you humble.
Success keeps you glowing.
But only God keeps you going!

And God provides us friends! Thank you everyone! You got me through.

Social Skills 101 for Elementary Schools

2008-11-11T09:55:00.000-05:00

Social Skills 101

I. Introduction – What makes an interesting and dynamic and polite person?

II. The Introduction
A. My name is…..
B. It’s nice to meet you (NAME)
1. Show enthusiasm!

2. Look in their eyes when you say their name

C. Response- “it’s nice to meet you too (NAME)!
1. Show enthusiasm!
2. Look in their eyes when you respond.

III. The Handshake
A. Nice firm handshake
B. No squeezing – NOT NICE
C. NO wimpy hands either!

IV. Listening Skills
A. Ask questions of others and show interest!
B. Make sure if you’re talking – that you share the conversation like cutting a pie!

V. Be Sure that Everyone in the Group has someone to talk to
A. Don’t leave anyone out!

B. Be kind to all people- remember: “Everyone is Different”
C. Be a good friend to others and you will have good friends!

There is Life Without the Blackberry

2008-11-06T09:56:00.000-05:00

I was in shock!!!

It changed my life!

I couldn’t believe it but then decided that it was just the way it was supposed to be from about a minute after I discovered it.

I walked in the bathroom to find my blackberry in the sink. Okay, not really. It was in the toilet! It fell out of my jeans when I sat down I guess!

How appropriate. I bet my husband was praying that’s where it would end up!

It was one day after I had called AT&T to get a new blackberry which was still under warranty and a new one was on the way. Only now, I couldn’t send the old one back, because now it had water damage.

What was I going to do? It was my life and connection to the outside world! I lived by email, texting and calling. And now?

Let me share!

I’ve been cooking!!! I’ve made beef stew and served 3 meals including lunch for my parents and dinner and lunch for my husband and me.

I made manicotti, which I served last night and have 2 more meals frozen.

I made a pork, pineapple, green pepper with brown sweet gravy which is delicious and will be served over rice tonight.

I made mini mushroom sandwiches which were browned in butter and brown sauce with provolone cheese!

What else? I’ve been cleaning!

I cleaned out and washed and got out my winter clothes which we only wear for about a month here in Florida… but I’m ready!

I’ve been making fires in the fireplace!

My son and I have had a blast using our fireplace for the first time in 2 years and figuring out what burns best and finding paper in the house that will start the logs on fire.

I’m learning how to use my camera!

I’ve been reading up on my new camera and learning how to post pictures and videos from it. Sounds easy but I just haven’t taken the time.. was probably too busy texting!

I’ve also been reading!

I read LEFT TO TELL, about the Rwandan woman who survived the Holocaust and have been reading cookbooks for recipes. I also have 2 other books lined up.

I even went to the library to get the books!

What I have in my head now is stuff like “how can I make my yard nicer” and “what can I make to eat for my family when I’m out of town starting tomorrow” I’m also thinking about clients and writing and my TV project/show.

I can’t say I don’t miss my blackberry and having the ability to be in silly conversations with friends who also are addicted to their blackberries, but I can say that I am getting a lot more done, and I do feel like I’m learning something different now, about a love for cooking that I had no idea was there! It just feels so good to me to actually create something that people enjoy and that I can create an atmosphere of a home where people can relax and enjoy some good food and wine!

I’m learning that without some of the stuff that I was doing before like relying on my blackberry for the connection to friends, that now I can focus more on my home to create a warm and loving home environment for my family. I thought I was doing that before, but now, I know I’m doing it!

Help! My Sales are Slumping and I don't Know Why!

2008-10-30T09:28:00.001-04:00

Have you ever taken a look around your company and wondered what in the heck the other people were doing to bring in so much business to the company? You may feel that you’re on equal ground with the other sales person or people, but for some reason they are way ahead of you in the numbers in sales. What is it? Do they drink a magic potion every morning? Do they have a better territory or do they just have better customers?

Here are some questions to ask yourself to see where the gap is:

Are you a master at your craft? Consider the length of time that you’ve been with the company. Do you know everything that you can about your product and your service? How are your relationships with those within the company? Are there people who can do you favors, even for your clients, that you should get to know better? What about your competition? Do you know them inside and out? Do you know their weaknesses and their strengths? Do you know how to get a sell away from them in a tactful manner by emphasizing your strengths where they are weak?

What time of day do you get in the office versus your co-workers? Are you wondering in the office at 8:30 or 9am and settling in to have your coffee? Are they at the office at 7:30 and getting coffee and catching up on the news an hour before you even get into the office? Are they on the phones already when you’re just getting ready to look at the paper? Consider getting in earlier or planning your day the night before so you can get into the office and start communicating with your clients the second you get to the office.

How much is email taking you away from your work? Are you spending part of your day reading jokes, and watching YOU TUBE videos that are entertaining, but are keeping you away from your work? Did you know that even if you DON”T read your emails, just having to delete them is taking valuable time away from your work and making a profit for your company? Consider putting everything in the JUNK file that doesn’t pertain to business and put a sign on your desk that you’ll only check email 1x an hour or late in the day. See if this addiction that has hit most people in America can free up some of your time.

Have you had instability in your life this past year? Have you had major stress or changes in your life? Has anyone closed to you died? Have you changed jobs? Have you moved? Have you gone through a major life transition like a divorce or become and empty nester? Has anyone close to you been relying on you emotionally and you feel drained? Sometimes, our emotions can be dragging us down and we don’t even know it. If this happens to be you, consider getting in a therapy group or counseling, or finding a support group to help you process these changes and the emotions that follow. You can be doing everything you’re supposed to be doing in business, but the sadness you feel might be leaking through your attitude. Get support where you need it. None of us is an island and no one expects anyone to go through tramatic times completely alone.

How is your attitude? Are you depressed that your sales are sagging and you get down about that? Are you angry about something at work or do you have problem clients that you’re trying to avoid? How is your relationship with your boss and those in the office? Your attitude may be negative if you’re going through a slump and it’s going to take dramatic measures to get your attitude back in a place that is positive and care free. Consider listening to motivational tapes every morning on the way to work , in your car or when you get up in the morning. If you’ve got the news on, you’re probably getting more negative messages than you are getting positive messages, so you need to take control. This tiny step can change your sales figures literally overnight. For a great resource go to: www.nightengaleconnent.com

Are you a gabber or a closer? How much time are you spending socializing and reading or doing busy work versus spending time with your top customers or reading about sales or learning about your product? Start putting a clock by your desk to monitor your phone conversations and evaluate where your spending your time throughout the day. If you’re socializing more than your making calls to customers or working, then it’s time to alter some of your habits. If you need to connect with others emotionally, schedule 15 minutes a day to make your personal calls and keep them short and sweet. Time management is one huge area to be constantly on top of for long term success.

What are you listening to? What are you reading? If you spent 1 hour a day listening to a motivational tape or reading a book to enhance your learning, in one year, you’d probably triple your income by learning success secrets of the superstars. Go to the library and check out books and tapes. Turn off the radio and TV and start educating yourself every day. Trade great books with others, and keep a book with you at all times so when you find yourself standing in line or waiting for someone, then you can use the time wisely. You can become an expert in your field and 5 others in one years time!

Are you getting enough sleep? Often times we might get into bed in plenty of time to get a good nights sleep, but spending time with Jay Leno is often more enticing than turning off the lights. Eating well, exercising and sleeping enough are basic self care items but if one of these is unbalanced, then your body isn’t going to have the energy to keep it going when things get slow. The body will slow down and stop and then it takes 2x as much effort to get it going. Make sure you get at least 7-9 hours of sleep, drink plenty of water, take your vitamins and exercise at least 3 days a week.

I’m Unorganized but I know where everything is. Organized Chaos? That’s just an excuse for those of us who don’t have great organizational skills. And when you’re not organized, you spend precious time looking for things and trying to GET organized. What you need is a good system. So sit down with someone who can help you get a system in place, and then do your best to implement it and use it every week. Some sales people have an administrative person come in weekly to file, or to throw away things that aren’t useful any more. But they keep on top of things and it helps them throughout the week. This precious time saver can not only save time, but loads of frustration.

Are you in the wrong field? . Is there a chance that you stand on the sidelines longing to do something different and feeling jealous that you’re in the wrong field? If this is you, no matter how organized you get, you might never have the heart, soul and passion for your job. This might take some time for you to discover your true passion, but it can be done in mini steps by talking with others in other professions or at other companies, going to the bookstore to see what subjects intrigue you, and by searching the internet for other careers and jobs that might suit your personality better. Try things out first.. read about them, and study about them and then talk to people who are doing them. Perhaps you might have to take a salary cut to start a new career, but in the long run, you’ll be happier with doing what you truly WANT to do, rather than just working to bring home a pay check.

Losing Friends may Happen when Raising a Child with Sensory Processing Disorder

2008-10-28T14:15:00.003-04:00

My child got diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder when he was 5 years old. Before that time, doctors told me that he’d grow out of his screaming and crying when I tried to dress him and that he was just a picky kid who was slow to move and to listen. Five years ago, doctors weren’t as familiar with the signs of Sensory issues, or the Autistic Spectrum, and they just classified my hyper son as ADHD.

Over the years, I’ve learned so many things that work for my son. We keep the house low on stimulation, with little TV, music or computers. I know that he takes time to transition so we make sure he wakes up really early every day, which means he has to get to bed early every night. Because he takes ADHD medication to get through school, he often can’t sleep at night so in addition to our night time prayers, he gets a melatonin to help him sleep. I know that if he doesn’t sleep well, that morning will be a disaster.

I also know that Jeremy needs a lot of activity which means that sports are a priority in our house. I have spoken to the teachers and explained that while he has inattention, that ADHD is not the core to his issues, it’s an underdeveloped system that is still building. It’s the body, not the brain that is the issue. Additionally, he has auditory processing disorder so we’re aware that he has to be told things a number of time and we have to get his attention first before talking.

All of this awareness took trial and error and thankfully, because we changed his diet, his defiance is mostly gone. That happened in a few short weeks, by getting the preservatives out, high fructose corn syrup out, and the vitamins into his system. We stopped doing white bread and gave him healthy alternatives. The difference in his behavior was and is remarkable. He can now eat a bunch of candy or chips and he’s off the wall within 15 minutes.

Imagine the complaining that we get from an 8 year old who wants to get high on candy like his peers. We have to set limits and we discuss it thoroughly. We let him have candy or sugar if there is nothing planned but outdoor activity. Otherwise, we tell him that he will have to live with his behavior and if he can’t control himself and if and when he goes a bit nuts while having a sugar high, which can be hyper or annoyed and whiney or uncomfortable somehow. The result is never fun.

Imagine a child though who has mostly gotten through a lot of these issues. At age 8, he’s able to mostly determine how to conduct himself and when he doesn’t, his mom is right there making sure he apologizes to the kids or to the parents or whomever. He is on ADHD medicine which helps his impulsivity and constant talking but there are days when he still has to apologize. But, he doesn’t keep repeating these things over and over. He finally gets the message usually by us taking away play dates. He changes his behavior immediately when he knows he’ll lose privileges.

So I guess I understand when I kept hearing our best friends slip when they were talking about the evenings their families got together and noticeably we weren’t invited. Over and over it happened this summer and my husband and I explained it away that they’re all on the same baseball team or all go to the same school. But then, last weekend at the Cub Scout campout, I realized how mean their boys were to Jeremy! Jeremy told me that they told him they didn’t want to play with him. They didn’t give a reason, they just told him to go away.

When we got home, I tried to put together a Halloween party for us all and mentioned that perhaps my friends could mention this to their sons and that whatever I needed to do to get Jeremy in line, I’d do. Their answer? “We need to talk”.

At first I told them I’d talk, and I shared with them by email that I’m sure that Jeremy was hurt, because I was hurt that they had stopped socializing with us, and that shouldn’t we learn how to deal with our differences? And regardless, no one should be mean in spite of our challenges. If it were me, I’d go right to the parent and tell him or her that their child was saying inappropriate things, or I’d go right to the child and share with them that saying hurtful things aren’t going to win friends and then demonstrate another way of doing it. I would have shared with them to come to me if Jeremy was saying anything or doing anything that wasn’t nice as well.

But, nope, my friends have chosen to not socialize with us unless they have to, and because of that, I’m now reevaluating whether I want to talk it through or even hang with them at all. After all it was them who heard me share my frustration of trying to figure my child out, and they knew how difficult my daily life was and were there as things got better and better. And I never dreamed that they’d decide that they’d stop seeing us because of it and can’t imagine that they think this was the right thing to do. And perhaps if they would have talked with me first, then I would have been a bit more open to hearing about how frustrating it was from their end.

Instead, my husband and I have discussed that some people just cut others off without saying anything about it, even if they’re your so called best friends. They don’t know what it’s like to raise a child with a disability and they would rather not deal with it. And even though I’ve told them I’ll talk with them about it, I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut and I don’t even want to be around them right now. Perhaps in time, I’ll understand that they didn’t know how to discuss this with me in the first place and that they may feel that the kids need to get older before they should play together. But I’ll never understand why a person would not apologize for their child being rude or mean. It’s just a different way of handling things I guess.

We all grow in compassion when we go through trials and challenges and make it out on the other side. Perhaps I have had to lose our best friends temporarily so I can be of service to another family who will go through the same thing. It’s not fun, but perhaps its part of life when you’re dealing with a child who is a bit out of the box.

I found this quote that I thought was a great line:

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."~ Walter Winchell

And it made me realize, perhaps they weren’t really friends who would be there through thick and thin. That was the most hurtful thing of all that I thought they were real friends and instead they were just friends out of convenience not commitment.

Unloading the Stuff

2008-10-24T09:21:00.001-04:00

Like many Americans, my jobs have been dramatically cut back this fall. I heard it time and time again, that the jobs have been cancelled and my services were not required. I noticed it slowly started happening this summer and saw the writing on the wall, even with outstanding contracts that were in place, companies were slowing down and stopping all of the spending. As an entrepreneur, I’ve had to now readjust my living and what that means is that we’re cutting back.

Out with the new cars, and I’m cutting back on all sorts of services that we just don’t need. At first, it was stressful to go through the bills and expenses to determine which ones I needed and which ones I didn’t. Now, it feels fresh and free. I’m starting to look at the tons of decorations in my home and wanting to collect things and put them all in a bag and send them to the Good Will. That’s exactly what I’m going to do too. I understand now that I was living with all of these things to make my life pretty or feel good, when in reality it was a lot of stuff to keep up with.

My husband and I have even decided that we are going to refinance the house and then sell if we can. We know we’re going to take a loss, but we also don’t want to be living with financial stress, so we’re of the mindset that we can and will rebuild, but from a much better place. A much more simple place!

All of this cutting back sincerely is exciting. I’ve realized that in living with a chronic disability like we have for many years that there is absolutely nothing in the world more important than our health and our peace of mind. We haven’t had much peace of mind lately until we decided to get rid of all of the “stuff” that drains our accounts and is supposed to really make us feel good, which it’s not.. its actually doing the opposite.

I feel light and uplifted now, and feel like the world is my oyster! I wonder if I want to find another place to live that will give my son more space to run around, and more kids to play with? I’m even thinking that we could move for a year or two to another location in the country, to somewhere small where the people are important to each other and not their things. It’s a fascinating concept to consider, and it’s exciting to think that we literally could just pick up and go if we found a place that we could feel our son would enjoy. He’s so independent that he can and does adjust to any kids any where. As long as he’s swimming and running and able to spend time outdoors, he’s happy as a clam. And the older I get, I’m reverting back to my childhood and those are the only things I really want as well!

I am craving the simple life and one without the stress of keeping up with the Jones’ and having to lead a life that is worthy of other people’s expectations. I just want to enjoy what I do, and enjoy my family and enjoy my friends. I don’t want to have to keep up with all of the gadgets we own, and do maintenance on everything, and always work on the house and the yard and.. whew.. I know if I go down that path, I’ll become exhausted. But trust me, I have as many material trappings as the rest of this modern world, and I just plain don’t want to keep them anymore.

I still desire to be successful, and my TV show is now underway and I truly believe that this will help so many people. This will be an answer to so many organizations…. It’s my passion and my cause, and I’m excited to continue down this path.

I know I’m blazing a trial that many, many others will be on soon. I’ll report in and let you know how things are going!

To our life.. living beyond the stuff!

Have You Posted a TWEET Today?

2008-10-10T11:45:00.000-04:00

The hunger for being noticed, validated and connected runs deep in our culture, and now with thousands of people jumping on line to do video blogging through sources like You Tube, everyone can be seen across the world immediately, and the reality is that no one even has a “private life” anymore. Ten years ago President Clinton requested that people leave his private life out of the media. This would never happen today. People are now mixing personal life with their business life, and putting it on line for the whole world to see!

Recently, I’ve become engaged with Twitter.com which has become quite the “buzz” among many business professionals and individuals. According to their website, “Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?”

After signing up, the main purpose is to update your “Tweets” as much as you can. These mini messages are up to 140 characters in length so it forces the writer of the message to be short and concise. It’s almost like a real time mini blog or a crib note version of the real blog. You can link and control your Twitter account to your own social networking sites like Facebook, your cell phone, IM or most 3rd party applications by using designated Twitter commands. Twitter messages can sent out as text to cell phones.

Once you start inviting your own friends or business contacts, which you can do by uploading your data base or just selecting people you want to engage with on a regular basis without picking up the phone or having to email, you then can start “following” friends and they can start “following” you. Many people end up following the “stars” in their own profession, so they can learn a bit about them professionally and personally. It does appear that most people update it throughout the day, so they mix a bit of their personality in with their business conversations.

Imagine having to take a mini poll of your friends to find out who is going to a particular networking event or whether or not if anyone has any good ideas of where to take the boss to lunch? Or, you are finding you aren’t so creative at the moment and need to come up with a good idea, so you decide to throw a question out to your friends on Twitter. So, you write a “tweet” and post it and within minutes, several of your friends or associates fire back with different answers that are listed right before you. It’s a time saver and an efficient way of communicating, similar to texting but to a much larger group of people.
For the business person, there are many other ways to use Twitter. First of all, it’s a great way to alert your friends and customers about what is happening in your workplace any given time. It can announce upcoming events, a new post on your blog; to share resources, to make announcements that might also traditionally go out in a newsletter and generally to build and strengthen relations. Lee Odden of Top Rank Blog has conducted a reader poll asking how people use Twitter. The top three uses of Twitter as
· Sharing links to items of interest to your network (34%)
· Networking for new contacts (18%)
· Reinforcing current network contacts (16%)
A potential downfall that I see happening is similar to the blogging behind the scenes about companies. Since many people are using Twitter to communicate with friends throughout their work day on a real time basis, it might be wise to discuss with all employees about any confidential information that should not ever be discussed or written about in any form. Additionally, if you are sharing personal information along with professional, you always have to keep in mind your professional identity and reputation.
On the other hand, because people update their Twitter accounts quite frequently, you can start to see a pattern of their work habits, their personalities, what interests them, the causes they care about, information about where they go after work, and you start to understand them as a person on a different level. You even start to care about them and respect them for the amount of work that they seem to get done or for being such a caring family person. This is just one more way for our customers to engage with us as people, and not just as a business.
By building and maintaining your clientele and community through Twitter, you can create a fun, hip and edgy way to create a buzz around your product, service or company. And while you are having all of this fun, you can be engaging your potential customers not only as people but as fans.

How Things Work out When You Have Faith

2008-10-10T11:28:00.001-04:00

It’s amazing, that a few weeks ago, I was talking to my husband that I was really ready to be working with friends. I’ve been working in coaching and training and Television for a very long time and while I love these things, I come and go out of peoples’ lives all of the time. I end up having a great time with people but then I’m gone and don’t see them again for a month or even 6 months.

So I was really longing to have a connection with a group of women who I could be 100% authentic with and be expressive and fun and rowdy or whatever mood hit at the time. Basically, I wanted a group of women to work with where I could have a great time and to learn and grow and to grow a business.

I had no idea that when I put that dream or wish out there how quickly it would develop.. and how exciting it would be.

I had been interviewed about two weeks ago for a website called www.motherhoodlater.com. In the interview, it came at a time where I was very uncertain about my next step. I’ve loved my TV tours that I do, and my lifestyle reporting, but I needed something a bit more full time and profitable. So, I started interviewing for jobs and went to a recruiter to get a full time sales job. I was ready to give up my life as I know it to go and work for a company where I could work and live a comfortable life here in Winter Park.

Little did I know what was in store!

In the interview I was completely open about where I was in my life and unsure of the next step. The founder of the social networking site, Robin Gorman Newman in NYC shared with me that she had recently felt the same way so we said we should do something together and how about a radio show? So, I loved the idea and jumped on it. The next day, I was talking with my good friend Liimu McGill in Philly, and she was sharing some great wisdom with me like she does and I said to her, “Liimu, you should have a radio show!” And she said immediately, “I”D LOVE A RADIO SHOW” and so I told her, “well, Robin and I are doing one.. and I think you’d be a great addition”!!! When I introduced the concept to Robin, she was gracious and excited. Now there were three.

Then, my friend Leslies’ name came coming to me over and over and over. So I called my friend Leslie Evans-Thorne, and told her, “Leslie, I don’t have time to talk, but your name has been coming to me over and over and over and so I want to tell you that my friends Robin, Liimu and I are going to do a radio show and are you in? Leslie responded, “yes, I’m in.. and have been wondering what my next step would be!” The group was now up to four!

The next day I was having lunch with two good friends Kelly Brown and Bruce Fagan. As I sat there and listened to the wise and wonderful Kelly, I said to her, “Kelly, I have created a radio show with four other women and it would not be complete unless you were a part of it. Are you interested?” Of course she said yes, and then Bruce, my dear friend who loves to be in the thick of everything exciting said he wanted in too! So there it was.. we had a group that was all like minded, open, 100% authentic, real, fun, engaging, and who had all been through numerous challenges and were still surviving in a manner that was uplifting to others.

The group was all introduced via emails and finally met this week on the phone. The initial meeting was nothing short of wonderful and entertaining and incredible and everyone felt the same. We all believe that this group is special and magical and I definitely believe that it has had a divine beginning! Seriously.. it came together so quickly and so naturally and it was almost supernaturally. And the personalities are so strong and it all flowed so nicely.

So that’s one of the great things I’ve learned. That when you’re tired of trying on your own, and you can’t quite get it all working right, to surrender your intentions to God, and let Him take a turn at running your life. I’ve had numerous conversations with Liimu about this, and surrendering is the hardest thing a person will ever do, but after you do, you find out that it is a much better, more peaceful way to live.

I’ll keep you all updated on the progress of the show. We’ll be looking for sponsors and for a network. It’s a special group, so we hope to find a home that will be of the most benefit to the most amount of people, because we know that millions of people need to hear the positive message that this group has to share.

Onward and upward!!!

Media Tips from an Insider

2008-09-11T11:14:00.001-04:00

Our world is becoming more and more media savvy and it’s now becoming imperative that each of us has a handle on how to deal with video or TV interviews. They may run on YouTube or on our intranet sites, or on local or national TV. But more and more, companies understand their need to stand up and get ready for their next appearance. It can mean millions in your pocket if you succeed, and a catastrophe if you don’t.

I’ve been fortunate enough to have been on many sides of the media. I’ve done a little or a lot of every bit of it – from anchoring, reporting and producing to hosting and to being a guest. I’ve been on everything from ABC’s 20/20, Dateline and The Today Show to QVC. I’ve come across all sorts of producers, hosts and bookers. It’s always good to have an edge so here are some of the tips I’ve shared with the CEOs, authors, experts and spokespeople I’ve coached.

Find out as much as you can about the host before you go on the air. There is absolutely NO guarantee that you’ll be able to even say hi to the host of your segment before you go on the air if it’s live, but there is usually about a minute before the cameras come on that you can actually change the flow of the energy of the interview by commenting about something personal to the host of your segment. For instance, if you know that they’ve supported Breast Cancer Awareness as their personal cause, a quick mention of it will ingratiate you to the host who may or may have not taken a hard line with you before the interview. These people are pros and can go with the flow, and that is one way for YOU to be in charge! IF you are booking the segment yourself, do the research on all of the reporters/anchors bios in advance because you do not know who will actually conduct the in studio interview.
Know your message inside and out. If you have something controversial to say, you’re probably going to be more of interest to the media in the first place. However, you are also more of a target for the anchor to show you up. They can and will pull tricks on you at the last possible minute if they’re personally not in favor of your position. I’ve seen it happen numerous times. They act extremely passive or friendly to the guest before air time and the second the camera goes on, their energy triples which is enough to make anyone jump out of their seat, and then they are on the attack. These are things that a media expert grows accustomed to, however, for a newbie, it’s extremely intimidating.
With your message, drill in your head three main points that you’d like to get across. It’s quite possible that your interviewer will not follow the original questions that you MUST provide to the producer of the segment. If you’re an author, something else might catch the attention of the anchor that may go down a totally different path. Keep in mind, you are there to inform, to educate or to influence behavior, so your goal will be to bring your answer back to your main three points. Watching political candidates will give you a great model of how to do that. They often dodge difficult questions and pound home the points THEY want to get. For the listener, this can be frustrating, but for the guest whose job it is to use that 2 minutes as effectively as possible, it is imperative that he gets the sound bites in that he or she desires.
Realize that if you’re hemming and hawing for one to two seconds in the beginning of the segment that the anchor probably will cut you off. Their job is to keep the interview engaging and informative and if the guest gets their brain stuck looking for words, the anchor will act as if the guest just said the most brilliant thing in the world yet cut you off immediately. This is why you must know your message and push it through from the beginning.
Live TV can throw anyone off if you’re not aware of all of the distractions that are likely to occur. When the camera turns on you, all you focus on is YOUR MESSAGE. It doesn’t matter if there is a bomb going off in the studio or someone starts yelling. Your job is to continue with what you are saying. This takes practice in front of a camera with obstacles happening to intend on cutting you off or tripping you up. This is not what an anchor wants of course, however, no one can control whether or not the next segment has to do with a crying baby, a yelping dog or a machine that goes off at the wrong moment.
Your job is to bring value! When a reporter starts interviewing you, you need to be thinking about delivering information that will be of value to your customers, and NOT be thinking about promoting your product or your services. If you’re good at what you do, people will find you and the producers will provide your resources to their viewers. Do NOT promote yourself in any way unless it’s for a cause and at the end of the segment or if you are asked to mention your website or phone numbers.
Look at the reporter or the host. How many times have you seen “media professionals” take over from the host and start to talk to the camera? That is an absolute NO NO! If you are the host, then you can look in the camera, however if you are there as the guest, be respectful of the rightful host and look at the host and NOT THE CAMERA!
Be clear what your intention for the audience to do is. For instance, do you want them to take action? Why? How can they do it? If your job is to influence them, then you must appeal to both sides of their brain when doing it. Do not just give an opinion. Give a statement of fact along with your opinion backed up by hard core stats. This will make you sound more prepared and articulate. Additionally, request that people take action and give them easy steps, 1, 2, and 3.
Get your point across quickly. This is likely one of the most difficult things to do. Many people are not trained to articulate their main points in 20-30 seconds but when dealing with TV, you are shooting for the pithy SOUND BITE. These sound bites can be 10-15 seconds long so it would be wise to write these in advance and practice accordingly.
Work with a media coach. This is your best chance to become more familiar with the tactics and techniques used by some of the anchors. Some people are fine when standing before an audience, yet once the camera turns on, they freeze. A media coach will size you up from your clothes to your message, and they’ll engage you in different situations over and over so when the real interview happens, you will be an old pro.

No one knows when a producer or reporter might be calling them for a tip or a statement. On the other hand, if you’re seeking press, it’s best to be prepared for whatever comes along. Regardless, we are now a media driven society, and its time to step up to the plate, smile and give it your best shot. Hopefully you’ll be prepared and not strike out, but strike gold!

Why We Love Sarah Palin!

2008-09-06T10:36:00.004-04:00

We seem to be living in an exciting time! On the one hand, many families are feeling the economic crunch, struggling to meet the bills, and stressed over not having enough at the end of each month. It’s now hitting middle America and many of the people who have never had to struggle financially before are now watching their budgets.

On the other hand, we have a political race that is causing coffee talk even with the most non political among us. People seem to now know which side of the fence they walk after viewing both of the political conventions.

All of the candidates have many wonderful qualities and stand for important issues. Each one of them has had many trials and triumphs and have led well in their given environments. From Obama’s miraculous rise to fame almost overnight and running an amazingly successful campaign to the long standing political stable, Joe Biden who beat brain cancer, to John McCain and the inner strength to defend America as a very young man and to survive the torture he endured makes us all want to be better people. They’re all individually inspiring!

But to see our newest rock star, Sarah Palin take the stage before all of America that night, when she looked right in the camera and right into my eyes, and told us parents who have special needs children that she’ll be a friend and an ADVOCATE in the WHITE HOUSE for us? I was sold!

My political background was determined by the first job I got on Capital Hill. I had to decide whether I was a Republican or a Democrat and because my family was split right down the middle, I could have gone either way. But I ended up getting a great job on the Subcommittee of Criminal Law on the Judiciary Committee and working for Republican Senator Paul Laxalt from Nevada. I loved the entertainment factor of working on Capital Hill and meeting all of the celebrities and seeing them fight passionately for causes. I didn’t love the policy work or the creating of laws. I loved the people doing these wonderful things! It’s no wonder I got out of designing policy and got in the promotion field of Celebrities and Causes.

Even a few months ago I was on the fence. I love Hillary Clinton, and I like Obama! I see the crisis in America and I understand why people want change. I also knew John McCain was a war hero. And as a proud American living in NYC on the dreadful day of 9/11, I knew how important the military is and how we need to continue the fight to keep our country safe.

But everything and I mean EVERYTHING changed for me the second Sarah Palin was nominated. It was if something inside of me shifted. Here she is, a young and attractive and in shape young mom of young kids, is running a state effectively, standing up to the big boys and winning!!! For each one of those accomplishments I look at her in awe. I’ve gone up against the good ol’ boy network, and even though I consider myself a strong woman, I wasn’t able to win and I opted to go another direction. But not Sarah! She took it like a pro and I love it that she continues to share that story to inspire all of us to fight for positive change like she did.

Then look at her! She’s gorgeous!!! And she’s not trying to use her beauty to get anywhere, but behind those glasses and her hair that she wears up, is a very attractive woman. Think about the hours she’s had to work at it based on having all of those kids. Yes, then there’s the kids. She’s got five of them. And to hear that she delivered a baby the day after giving a speech and had to fly home? I almost ran to the computer to start a fan club!!

She’s got a successful and cute husband who she calls “my guy” and a daughter who opted not to get an abortion when she probably could have. She admits the family is a normal family and yet, when they held that darling baby up and he’s a Downs baby? It was the thing that gave me the deep compassion for Sarah as a woman. I know the struggles of facing an unhealthy pregnancy and it’s a very emotionally difficult time to know that your child might suffer through life. Yet, Sarah worked all the way through her pregnancy and now has a beautiful child to share with the world.

All of those things together have touched me deeply. I’m inspired when I look at her and think about how mentally tough she has had to be, by enduring against all of the obstacles she’s had in her life. She gracefully dealt with the crisis of alerting the world about her 17 year old daughters unplanned pregnancy without crying and being dramatic or apologetic. Because of Sarah’s example, I want to quit complaining about getting up early to work out, having to cook home made everything because we have a special diet in our home, and also having to deal with the struggles we’ve had with having a special needs child on the Autistic Spectrum. I know I am not alone when struggling to stay awake to finish my work and know I will be up again in 5 short hours. I now know I can get mentally tougher and survive. I know that I can, because I see someone who has.

Sarah Palin is a woman who is doing it all. She speaks to me as a woman, as a business professional, as a mother, as a wife, as an athlete and as a advocate of special needs children.

Our country needed a Sarah Palin. She’s a bright star in our world that can inspire all of us to greater heights and to achieve things we never thought possible.

We need Sarah Palin to help lead our country. And now Sarah Palin needs us!

Hi Mary: I just read a few of your recent blogs. I love your honesty and openness! We often hear how a few people are like their public image but many have a public persona completely different from reality. What you see in Mary is what you get! I think that openness makes one more drawn to you as you honestly say what is on your mind even if it makes one upset and you discuss personal stuff about your life as it unfolds. Have a good night and maybe get 6 hrs of sleep instead of 5 hrs. :) Bruce

Hello and good evening.
I just read and enjoyed your article on Sarah Palin which I found on ezinearticles.com .
We are going to release an self-published mini-book on Sarah Palin with a collection of articles with different views on her. These will be articles written by many different writers with a wide range of views on her.
I would like to ask for you authorization to include you article in this collection.
In exchange I would include the part about you and your website links.
Could you please let me know if you agree.
Thank you in advance for letting me know as soon as possible.
Best regards,
Monica Kraenzle

Great blog on Sarah P!! Some of your best writing....-- Tim Van AntwerpOrlando FL

Hey Mary, I am sure you have gotten some really hateful responses to your article about Sarah Palin. I know that my excitement about her has not been well received in certain circles. I want to say "ditto" to your comments and then some. Sarah Palin has also encouraged me to get up and get going. Just knowing her story and that she exists in this world has inspired me to be better at all I do. Thanks for your words. Val Clemente

The Inspirational Slow Swimmer

2008-09-02T21:16:00.001-04:00

This was written last year but never submitted-

Every once in a while a person captures your attention that is out of the ordinary. Perhaps you see someone treating someone exceptionally well, or a mommy happily playing with her baby or a person who struggles for every step. Occasionally, those moments can make you send up a silent prayer of thanks, give you a chuckle, or even make you stand there in amazement at what you just witnessed.

I’ve had a few experiences like that on the road on my trip. Today I was in the airport and spotted a bellman energetically walk up to a lady in a wheel chair. He was a tall, thin, African American man about 30+, and she was an elderly Caucasian woman probably over 80. The way he talked with her was as if the wheel chair was just an accessory and he hardly noticed. He said, “Hey! How are you today?” And that is when I started watching. He truly treated her with tons of respect and love. He didn’t know her apparently but he treated her so nice I was compelled to mention the guy to the man checking my ID and boarding pass. I was just amazed that he would treat her so well.
I was somewhat overcome with gratitude that there are such caring people in the world.

Another incredibly impressive person was a swimmer swimming in the lap pool during open swim in Indianapolis. No one was in his lane but him. He took forever to get across the pool because his arms were contorted in a way that didn’t allow his left arm to get up much beyond his stomach and his right arm wasn’t much better. He obviously had M.S or something. The thing that impressed me over and over was that he never stopped! I mean that as much of a struggle that it took to get across the pool every single lap, he never once stopped at the wall to take a breather. He kept GOING and GOING and GOING and GOING! He was like the energizer bunny!

I wanted to stop to talk with him, to ask him how he did it. He never stopped but what I wanted to know is what does he think about? Does he focus on what he can’t do? Or is he pushing himself to accomplish things that no one would expect? What motivates him? How did he get so much determination in his soul? Why wouldn’t he just take a break? He was working so hard!

I asked the life guard about him. I fantasized about making a movie around the swimming pool of a guy who struggles for every stroke and every breath, yet he continues to swim. The motivation was a dream from long ago fired by support from his mom that he had talent and should never, ever quit; even if his talent didn’t look like the normal swimmer in the water.

The lifeguard didn’t know much about him other than the fact that he swam there all the time. The other thing that the lifeguard told me was that the man could walk completely normally. And he happened to walk out while I was doing my own laps, so I never got to speak with him.
It is my belief that we come into contact with people for a purpose. Sometimes it’s to listen to us, sometimes to challenge us and sometimes to inspire us. If we spend some time looking at who comes into our path every day, we’ll be more aware of the many lessons that life can teach us. If we happen to pay attention, even to the ones who might get in our way, because they might be the ones that might inspire us the most!

Learning About Social Media

2008-08-31T14:36:00.001-04:00

I consider myself incredibly fortunate. I have a column in the Orlando Business Journal. It’s been going on for about a year and it runs between 1-3 times a month depending upon how much space they have and how many columns of mine they like. I’ve submitted numerous columns that they didn’t accept and never told me why. So, I keep sending new articles and am always excited when I open the first page to the table of contents and see my column called GET CONNECTED.

In the beginning I wrote about futuristic stuff and then it became a lot of my communication coaching and then they asked me to write about Social Media and technology. So, that is now my assignment. I’m excited about it because it forces me to learn about the new Social mediums which I would probably never do if I didn’t really have to. But I’ve found that I really enjoy exploring on the computer and seeing who is doing what and how they’re using the many social networking tools.

Today I’m researching TWITTER. It’s a way for all of your “connected” friends to follow your every move. I think I’m really going to enjoy it, since I have grown addicted to my blackberry just like nearly every other person. So far, I have 4 people following me, although I’m not sure really how to follow others yet, and I haven’t been able to locate my account even though I’ve searched for it, so I’m not sure how others are going to find me. Still, I’ll plug away at it for a few minutes here and a few minutes there until I can write coherently about the subject.

As I research, I find more and more topics that I want to explore and so I feel like I’m discovering a new frontier. It’s very exciting, especially since most people in my age bracket aren’t playing around with these tools like people who are in their 20s and early 30s. So, in a sense, I feel that I’m keeping trendy and edgy by learning these networking avenues and I’m able to pass along this information to my coaching clients. For that I am grateful.

It’s a bit time consuming, and each time I dig into one new tool it brings me to new programs called applications which leads me down a whole new path. In order to “decorate” my pages with the subjects that are of interest to me then I have to read a bit about what they’re promoting in order to see if I “connect” with their message.

I’ll document my learning, or my absence of learning, and I’ll continue to update my Facebook and my Twitter accounts as I grow comfortable and get in the habit of relying on them as a networking and entertainment and learning source.

I hope you’ll take the journey with me and add these tools to your own sales and marketing plan. Make sure you invite me to be your friend!!! And you can become mine!

Have you Written Your Book?

2008-08-26T05:40:00.003-04:00

How many times have you thought about writing a book? Or how many times have people suggested to you, “wow.. you know so much about that subject, have you ever considered writing a book”?
According to Publishers Weekly, about 3000 books are published every day. This is a combination of e-books, international books, and the good along with the bad. There is certainly an information overload, and you may ask yourself, “does the world really need another book on the subject?”
My answer is YES! Think about all of the time you devoted to learning all of the information that you have accumulated! Consider the years in school, then with clients and the many hours of mistakes you probably made getting to the point that you were a genius in the subject matter! Think about all of your own “techniques” that could possibly save another person time and money!
What would you do with your book? Consider selling it on the internet? Consider self publishing and using it as a calling card or part of your bio! Or consider giving it away to your valued customers about what you’ve learned about your industry!
One of my recent acquaintances is a dedicated softball player. He probably plays 100 games a season on two leagues – one through his work and one through this town. He also has coached numerous teams, including at the local high school. His record is incredibly impressive and he has techniques that are simple and highly effective. Splattered through out his workday conversations in a sales capacity are mini stories of how a team would play on a field.. and it always relates back to real life somehow as sports often do. After hearing his passion and his unique twist on the game, I suggested he put together a pamphlet for others who are in his position. After all, he’s dedicated about 20+years to the sport and although he doesn’t consider himself an author, he certainly has a lot of expertise to share with others.
Think about it. Even though In the last 30 years mankind has produced more information than in the previous 5,000 according to Reuters Magazine, there has never been another you, with your experiences, with your clients and your successes or failures. It just might be you who helps others brake through to the next level by sharing what you know.
I’m writing one now and while its taking time, it’s also rewarding to see my experiences spill onto the page and I know through my own struggles, successes and experiences, it’s bound to help others learn something faster than what I learned it.
Here is a great quote by William Glasser:
"We learn...
10% of what we read
20% of what we hear
30% of what we see
50% of what we see and hear
70% of what we discuss
80% of what we experience
95% of what we teach others”

Maybe it’s time to get your book out there! I look forward to learning from you!

Feed Your Children Organic Food- Our blossoming Boys are in Trouble!

2008-08-13T12:40:00.004-04:00

Okay.. how do I say this lightly? Ummm OUR YOUNG BOYS ARE GROWING BOOBS!!!

I know.. it’s disgusting! But it’s true! A few weeks ago in Orlando Florida I went to a YMCA swim meet. I’d say now about 1 out of every 5 boys over the age of 10 is now growing tiny buds that are like a little girls. Then, when they get to be about 15, they’ve got breasts.. they’re small but they are definitely breasts!

Even the boys who are in good shape and muscular all everywhere else, have swollen nipples or tiny breasts that just look strange. Many of these kids are overweight and so the over all look is more chubby and looks better.. but MAKE NO MISTAKE..

WE HAVE A PROBLEM!!!

PARENTS… especially of kids who are under 16 – you have to feed your kids organic food as much as possible. I checked in with a few parents and grandparents of these kids and told them point blank what I was noticing. They noticed it too but just weren’t really sure. I said to each, “oh, yes.. be sure.. your son has grown breasts! Many of the boys are… and you have GOT to get him off of whole and regular milk”. Most of these parents told me that their boys guzzle milk like it’s going out of style. No, it’s not organic.

Is it just the milk? Is it the hormones in all of the other food like the meat and cheese? Perhaps it’s a combination, but after seeing all of these sweet and innocent darling boys with BREASTS, you can better believe that my son is going to be eating and drinking organic whenever possible!!!

PLEASE send this letter on to EVERYONE you know who is raising a SON! SAVE your children from this humiliation and embarrassment. However, I’m guessing if we don’t stop this epidemic, that someone will be designing a male bra that will end up being cool.

Hey.. I should call the BIG IDEA and pitch it to Donnie!!!

Seriously, it’s an epidemic, and I haven’t heard anyone talk about it. Send this letter to your news outlets and lets let people know what a national crisis we’re facing. Or we’ll be growing SHE MEN in the US, while the other countries laugh at us.

Here are a few things we can do:

TELL EVERYONE TO SAVE OUR KIDS!!! PASS THIS LETTER ON!!!
BUY ORGANIC for them.. and ask the schools to buy it too!!!!
Bring your kids to a local swim meet where you have hundreds of kids in their bathing suits.. and see for yourself and let your kids see what will happen to them if they don’t go organic!
Make your kids take VITAMINS –Omega 3, 6,9, B6, B 12, Magnesium, and a multivitamin. Having the good stuff in the system can off set a bit of the crap we’re feeding them.
GET EDUCATED! READ LABLES. When you put preservatives in, you’re hurting their brains, and their bodies.

Please feel free to send me your stories of any boys who are suffering with this embarrassing situation. It only takes one person to scream loud enough to wake others up!!! I’ve got my hands full.. but can you be that person?

Send stories to Mary Gardner at marymarco1@aol.com and put in the title- MALE BREASTS

Comments:
"Boys go through hormonal changes that cause this. Have you spoken with a pediatrician?" dg

Mary's comment- "My pediatrician is the one who told me that food has nothing to do with ADHD... after trying everything else with my son, and then finally changing his diet to organic and little white bread and added about 10 supplements every day.. I have a totally new son! No one can ever tell me that lie again! Food and vitamins have EVERYTHING to do with the symptoms he had. And I never saw male breasts on kids when we were growing up. And I have always been a swimmer... so I would have noticed!"

Comment from LYNN:
Hello Mary Gardner!
Are you up for a friendly rebuttal?! I read your article and could not help
but share a few thoughts with you...
Thrilled to hear Jeremy's great progress with KK -- hope to see you soon.
And "hi" to Sway.
Best regards,
Lynn
P.S. Email me the info about your party -- love to come.
*******************
As I was reading your article I wondered whether my shoulders would be broad
enough to take on yet another burden of responsibility for one of my
children having a condition (a "disgusting" one at that!) that I could have
prevented simply by making better food choices for them.

I am a proponent of natural medicine, organic foods, and healthy lifestyle,
especially for our children. In recent years, I have applauded my friends
as they question the traditional medical community, not only about the
over-use of antibiotics, but about diagnoses of varying proportions,
cheering and encouraging them to take control of their own and their
family's health and medical treatment. It is exciting to see a new kind of
medical practice taking shape in our country; one where many patients are
accepting the responsibilities of maintaining a healthy body, mind, and
spirit. Quitting smoking, eating better and smaller portions of food,
taking yoga, getting that annual PSA or GYN checkup are all examples of
taking this responsibility seriously. Can we agree that pesticides are bad?
Absolutely. Can eating organic foods, thus reducing our exposure to toxic
elements, make a difference in our overall health? Yes. Is there a new
phenomenon of adolescent boys growing breasts because of exposure to
hormones and pesticides in the foods they eat? No. Relax your shoulders,
moms and dads.

The truth is, development of breast tissue in adolescent boys is called
pre-pubescent gynecomastia, and affects up to 70% of boys. Due to the
increase of all types of hormone levels caused by the onset of puberty, the
liver is taxed to process all of the hormones. What the liver can't process
turns into estrogen; thus, boys may temporarily develop breast tenderness,
and/or small buds. It is not uncommon for one breast to be larger than the
other. It is not abnormal for the breast tissue to feel like a small lump,
and very rarely is it anything bad, like cancer. In most cases these
symptoms will resolve in one to two years. Children should be reassured
that this is a normal and common, though not well-known, part of puberty,
and can be encouraged to wear a swim-shirt or T-shirt if they are
self-conscious. A confirmed diagnosis of gynecomastia can be made by a
doctor if the child or parents are concerned. Obesity can contribute to an
increase in the size of the breast tissue. With the epidemic increase of
obesity in our country, it is likely that what you are noticing among
adolescent boys at the YMCA is more evident than in years past, but
gynecomastia is nothing new, and our sons are not "growing boobies."
Limiting their exposure to growth hormones and pesticides can help reduce
added strain to the liver that is already being overworked by processing the
raging hormones in their bodies brought on by puberty.
In addition to pre-pubescent gynecomastia, there is a condition called
adult-onset gynecomastia. One article I read stated, "Recent increases in
the use of steroids, certain anti-depressants, acid reflux, blood pressure
and prostate drugs are causing a wave of adult-onset gynecomastia." Other
sources also cited various illegal drugs as causes, including marijuana,
heroin, and cocaine, as well as alcohol consumption. Also, excessive
amounts of soy in the diet could be a culprit (soy is full of the female
hormone, estrogen). For the inquiring mind, there is a great deal of both
medical and support information available for this disorder. I am attaching
links to several websites for more information on gynecomastia.
As parents, we have plenty of things to worry about concerning our children.
Thankfully, many of us are well-educated on the benefits of limiting
exposure to pesticides by eating organic foods. We are also fortunate to
have access to a wealth of vital information at our fingertips via the web.
Along with that, however, comes the added responsibility of discerning valid
data from that which is not, and determining whether and how we communicate
that to others.
For more information on gynecomastia:
http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/id/QAA365092
http://www.drpaul.com/adolescent/breastenlarge.html
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/47127.php
or search "boys growing breasts" in your browser
Lynn Green

COMMENT- "Love the comment.. and I'm wondering who did the research, and who supported these doctors to give all of these stats? I"m sorry.. but this is just NOT normal. Well, maybe it's normal for today's standards.. but when "we" were growing up... there weren't any boys having hormonal changes like what you're telling me is normal today. Doubtful these kids parents are using drugs as one article suggests... and I'm noticing male breasts on kids who are skinny and in shape!! So it's not just the fat or overweight part.
I'm guessing that we're becoming used to seeing it.. and that it isn't as alarming to the teens of today b/c they're used to seeing it.. but for a mom of an 8 year old.. who is just now seeing boys without shirts for the first time.. I'm completely SHOCKED that other people aren't freaking out like I am. I don't want to make the kids feel badly.. it's not their fault and I"m not blaming the parents.. but I am trying to wake people up to say.. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.. stop feeding our kids HORMONES in the meat and the milk!!! "

FURTHER COMMENT AFTER TALKING WITH Dr. Kirti Kalitis of Center for Integrative Health and Medicine of Orlando (medical + homeopathic physician)

I spoke with Dr. Kalitis and shared with him my observations about the boys.. and he said things I wasn't surprised about. 1. It's controversial within the medical profession and "this subject" is pretty much off limits in public!2. They've changed what is "normal" versus what is "not normal" to keep up with the changes in the kids bodies. But.. he said that there are way more children with symptoms than what the medical profession is stating. He asks.. what is really normal and what is abnormal? This is the debate now... homeopathic versus medical profession. 3. The homeopathic profession is all over it.. ... and attribute it to the bovine hormones in the milk and meat, and the PLASTICS believe it or not. Also, the amount of SOY in the food products is creating extra estrogen in the systems. This is found in many soups and canned foods. The latest issue of Natural Awakeings.. the local alternative magazine has a big article on the changes of kids and the foods to avoid. 4. He's glad people are talking about it.. its the only way people are going to create changes!

Speak Your Mind!

2008-07-22T16:41:00.000-04:00

Imagine that you’re about to enter the boardroom and you know that the president of your company is going to oppose the idea that you’re bringing to the table. You know though, that your idea will work, because you’ve seen it work before, yet you’re new at the company and aren’t quite sure how you’ll be received? How do you present your idea without sounding like a naysayer?

Or, you’ve got some bad news to share with your spouse. You’ve agreed to go on vacation but you’re now being told you have to work during that time. How are you going to present your side when you know how upset your spouse it going to be. How can you phrase it to cushion the blow?

What about at work? Perhaps there is someone who is more outgoing, more aggressive than you and seems to always come up with all of the bright ideas. You want to appear to be an eager and hard working employee who is making a great difference and bringing value to the company, yet you feel that the other personalities in the room squash yours. How can you get a word in edge wise and how can you get your brain to think of these remarkable things on the spot and do it without sticking your foot in your mouth and telling the other employees what you REALLY think???

Here are a list of ways to make sure that you’re prepared to make a good impression on those who you communicate with.. .even in sticky situations!

Realize that there are always going to be difference of opinions, and learning to present your views in a way that is non confrontational is definitely something worth learning! Make it your goal to remain respectful always of others in every situation if possible.
Hear the others out. The old saying rings true, “they don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Ask questions about the others opinions and ideas and really seek to understand where they are coming from. Seek to clarify any points you might not grasp at first. Use words like “share with me/us what you like about this idea….”

Understand other peoples’ motives! They want to feel good! Does that mean the person wants to look good? Do they want to sound brilliant? Do they have a reputation of being creative? What ever it is, endorse the positive. Tell them that their ideas are good, or smart or creative and that you understand why they feel the way they do.

When it’s time to bring up your idea- chose your words carefully!
When you present the ideas, make sure you’ve understood and endorsed them, then suggest some other alternatives… “Here is one idea that I’ve seen work…. Or .. “in addition to what we’ve already discussed, here are a few more ideas that I’ve researched and would love to share with you.”

Lastly; PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!!! If you’re not getting a chance at speaking your mind or if you’re great at sticking your foot in your mouth, do what the pros do: PRACTICE BEFORE YOU SPEAK!!! If you can find out the subject of the meeting in advance, do it. But ALWAYS come prepared to the meetings with something brilliant to add to the group or to the person. If you’re being drowned out, then practice projecting your voice and looking like you have authority about it. Additionally besides HOW you speak, think about WHAT you speak about! Always think about bringing VALUE to those you communicate with. And PAPER IS POWER! If you can leave behind some information in the written form, you’ll have left a great impression!

Learning to engage with others quickly, easily and effectively takes time and a bit of planning to make it sound or appear as smoothly as the pros. But if you do learn to communicate easily under difficult situations, your co-workers, friends and relatives will respect you and appreciate your efforts and will want to celebrate you, and not just tolerate you!

Hanging out with the Techies

2008-07-18T15:29:00.000-04:00

Today my husband invited me to lunch with his techie team. Well actually, I invited myself to his lunch because one of the guys he works with that I wanted to meet was celebrating a birthday. So, my husband was fine bringing me along with the 10 guys and one gal to the Mellow Mushroom in Winter Park. I wanted to meet Ryan Price because he leads several conferences in and around the Orlando area for Blogging and for networking purposes in the technical fields. We have emailed back and forth and I thought today would be the perfect time to meet him in person.. on his birthday!

What an education! Between the 10 of them talking about Blogging, video software, I-Phones, Twitter, techie conferences, social media thrown in with some programming language and Project management, my head was full after about and hour!

But it was so fun! As a novice to technical language but someone who soaks it all up so I can stay up on trends, it was a blast to hang out and listen to them. They’re programmers who have a personal interest in social media as well as doing it for their jobs.

For me, it was so much easier hanging with them for an hour than reading a techie magazine, and easier to pick up on the language. They gave me content for an upcoming business article and ideas for others.

Hanging with those outside your own industry can give your own creativity a boost and sharpen your own knowledge about something that might be out of your comfort zone but that is interesting.

What a great lunch! I’m definitely planning on spending more time with these guys as they banter during their lunches about hot technical advances in the field of social media. Stay tuned to upcoming blogs and articles for the OBJ on this fun topic!

Coaching the CEO in Transforming their Company

2008-06-22T10:18:00.001-04:00

Looking back over the course of my career in coaching for the past 15 years, I’ve noticed one thing. The older I got, the older my clients got. And the more successful I got, the more successful my clients became.

I’ve realized that age does have some advantages, and one of them is in learning from the many mistakes along the way. Somewhere it happened to me, that I lost the ego of having to look good to people, and now have the ability to completely set foot in another’s shoes and sense what they are experiencing at the moment. I believe this gift has developed over time, and through all of the experiences I have had, coaching so many people. I’ve had excellent training for years and years, and as a result of using all of that training, I’m now able to sit with a CEO or an executive, with only myself and my intuition. What happens as a result is nothing short of miraculous!

This past week I was able to work with two CEOS of mid sized companies who are leading teams of people. Both have had a tremendous amount of success in their companies but they now want to go from being good to fantastic. They want to transform their companies and have longer reaching impact on the world in which they live, not just on their immediate customers.

With such lofty goals, the only place to start is by starting with the CEO. Where are you in your life? Tell me about who you are? What is your essence? What makes you tick? What has gotten you to this place in your life at this point in time? Who were your early role models? How did you know you were able to have the ability to lead like you have? Where do you feel you need to grow to take your company to the next level?

As I’ve gotten to know these CEOs and understand the commitment for excellence they’ve each shared in their lives, I was able to pull out values that they each had chosen to live their lives by. Although each were different and had different styles, the words just flowed from me to tell them who they were in the world. Committed, champion, directed, focused, sincere, loyal, intelligent, fair, or compassionate, warm, and concerned. They both had employees they’ve nurtured along the way and lead teams and were involved with the community.

Both came to a place in their coaching though where they realized that in order to go to the next level in their businesses, they needed to develop other traits and characteristics that would fit into the new roles they needed to fulfill. As a CEO they need to be a visionary for the company, and they need to inspire those around them. They need to be able to motivate the troops and to speak with authority and conviction.

How were they each going to do that when they were trying to figure out the words themselves… or the mission for their company?

So we started with them writing a personal mission statement for themselves, and for their companies. We wrote a vision for where the company would be heading and a purpose for who the company is in the world.

We worked on looking at how transformation starts. It starts by acknowledging our strengths and weaknesses, and understanding where we have room to grow. In learning to inspire others, we have to start focusing on the needs of others.. and considering what motivates others? Understanding that whether or not the people we’re communicating to are another CEO of a large firm, or the mom who is out with the girls for the day, that we need to have the ability to teach our staff to meet others where they are. And the CEOS understand the need to teach by example.

The topics that we coach on are vast. From customer service to team building to leading meetings and speaking extemporaneously, to media appearances, to upgrading our vocabulary or changing the types of books that we read. Evolving into a CEO who sees their job at helping others transform is a big task. And it takes a person who has courage to look at where they need to grow. It takes a person who is willing to let the ego slide and to face our fears one step at a time.

It has been a pleasure to come to a place where I am able to take this journey of transformation with these impressive individuals. I feel honored that they trust me to lead them on this path of strategic business planning and cash flow, but by doing in a way that touches people positively and not working to milk the employees so the executives can become rich.

These individuals want great companies, who have apostles and evangelistic employees who spread the word about their great company being great! To me, that’s a great place to put my time, and I feel joy and purpose in working with other individuals who see their role in the world as a lot more than all of the material goods they can accumulate.

The best way to transform our companies is to transform ourselves. And the quickest and fastest way to do that is by working with an individual who can speak to us in truth.

Meet them where they are, and take them on a journey that will last a lifetime and that will inspire millions of people. I’m beginning to see my own purpose become more clear, in the eyes of the CEO.

Iron Sharpens Iron

2008-05-28T09:12:00.001-04:00

Seems like I am at the point in my career where I am working with many seasoned professionals. These people have had a lot of success in their careers and several of them are taking off in second or even third careers.

It’s really interesting to coach and consult for some of these people. They have been the bosses in many jobs prior to the current job. They know what they’re doing. They can actually do some of these jobs with their eyes closed but they’re coming to me because they want to get ahead quicker and don’t have a mentor as they may have had earlier in their career and they know the value of working with a coach.

In several of these cases, I’m consulting, which means that I have to share with the client what to do. Coaching is helping them discover it on their own. But in my case, I have a lot of expertise that they need so I’m there to tell them what is going to work and what isn’t going to work.

And in a few of these cases recently, I’ve had to use the analogy of Iron Sharpens Iron!!! And it’s true! These people are challenging me over and over and because I know what I’m talking about, I’ve had to tell them to trust me, and to understand that I’m on their team and that I want them to succeed. But, I’ve told them, that if they keep doing what they’ve always done, they’ll get the results they’ve always gotten!!!

One of my friends, Carlos, told a story that captured what is happening in my business right now. He told me that he used to be a white water rafting guide and part owner of the company and recently he went to Colorado to visit and went rafting. He automatically started barking out orders and immediately, the guide whose boat it was, yelled at him to stop yelling orders. He said, "this is my boat, and we’ll do it my way!" If the passengers listen to you and not me, we could have an accident!!

My friend was a bit shell shocked.. mostly at his own reaction of taking over the helm of someone else’s boat. It was natural for him to do, but the second he was commanded to stop, he did.

Those of us with strong personalities and who have had success sometimes have to regress a bit when venturing into something new. We have to put away the need to always be right, and the need to have everything go our own way. Sometimes, when moving in a new direction, there are others who can guide us, and because we do have strong personalities and great experience, we might occasionally bump heads.

I’ve learned along the way, that bumping heads is normal, natural and not something to avoid. It’s going to happen, and when it does, it can make both professionals better, because the one who is leading, has to explain in a way that another leader can understand and agree to and follow.

Iron sharpening iron is keeping me focused on understanding that my clients are knowledgeable and successful, but coming to me to get the best of the best. I’m helping them write speeches, present themselves better professionally, as speakers, in the media or on video, and to their companies leading meetings. They’re learning to motivate their staffs, coach their teams and to lead more effectively.

Iron sharpens Iron. And I am determined to keep myself and my clients sharp!

Connected to Strangers

2008-05-21T09:13:00.001-04:00

Airports are the new dating services! More and more people are reporting meeting potential mates while waiting for planes than ever before. It’s probably not such a new concept, but one that is getting a lot of press recently.

As a business traveler I’ve been privileged to meet many extraordinary people in ordinary circumstances. It truly does seem that everyone has a story.

I met Pete, the 50 something Health care professional who left his mom today for the last time. He confided in me that his mom was probably going to die later on today and that he said his last goodbyes. Tears welled up in me as I heard him tell the story of how his mom told him that she could see his dad and her sister at the end of her bed. His dad had died in 2003 and her sister years before. He told his mom that they were waiting for her and that it was okay to go. He comforted her by saying that everyone who was still here was going to be fine and that she would be missed.

I met Maria, the long time public school PE teacher who now worked in a non school environment who now bubbled with passion over the non traditional way of allowing kids to learn what they want when they want. She assured me that kids have a natural desire to learn and that in time, they all accomplish the things they need to learn in order to be successful.

I met Nathan, the 26 year old fast tracker in the financial industry who looked like the perfect crisp fraternity boy who had success written all over him. He was charming and humble and curious what life would bring. He was a swimmer in high school and recently ran 10K without training and it gave him a run for his money. He reminded me of another friend in the financial industry and so I promised to introduce them with the hopes of my friend Brian who is a fast track executive in the same industry.

The list of interesting people that I have met on the road just goes on and on. It’s true that every single person you meet has a story. It’s usually a really interesting story too, and at some point throughout the conversation, you can usually find how you’re connected to the person, by race, religion, region, friend, industry, or interests.

I’ve found that we are naturally connected to everyone. What gets in the way of any meaningful relationship is ourselves. In 99 times out of 100, if we get our own egos out of the way, our own fear of talking with others, then we can share of ourselves, and experience the true joy of being connected to another.

The stranger is no longer a stranger. They have now become a friend.

Breathe New Life into your Sales Force!

2008-05-21T08:44:00.001-04:00

Have you ever wondered how you were going to keep your sales team motivated day after day, month after month, and year after year? After the team is consistent with making quota and doing a great job with their customers, how do you get them to continue reaching for the stars and continue to stay motivated?

Yesterday I was in the office with a new sales team that I’m coaching. I sat with the sales manager for quite some time and quickly uncovered a few glaring areas that are standing in the way of this team moving forward. Because this team has been doing things the same way for several years, they didn’t have fresh eyes to see where they could be saving some time and making more money.

In this down economy, they’re having a tough time getting on the phone to make cold calls and have seen companies cancel contracts to save money. Because they’re experiencing this rejection, it’s tarnishing the real amazing benefits that their company offers others, which is the ability to MAKE money and to SAVE time. They’ve been focused on the wrong things emotionally, so what we’re implementing are a few things in the very short term that can get this team back in the saddle, feeling the love for their products and services once again.

We’re setting up a conference call with a few customers who are in love with this company. They’re satisfied customers who are regularly using the products and services but don’t have the need to be on the phone with the sales team anymore. They’ve moved way beyond a regular sale at this point. They’re customers who are content with the company. So, we’re going to get the whole sales team on the phone with a few customers and get a conversation going to hear the stories how the products have been used and integrated into their businesses. It may sound like they’re preaching to the choir, but not really. They’ll be motivating this team, and to remind them, that they represent an awesome company and product and group of services.

Next, we’re having a sales contest! This contest is a short term, one week contest focused on outgoing calls. I call them CONNECTION CALLS which mean they’re at least 2 minutes a piece. This is plenty of time for a connection to take place and for the sales pro to get a bit of information.. either a new name, a referral or a bit of information that will help them develop a relationship with the right people.

The award will be a night in a hotel and dinner for two. When I originally presented this idea to the CEO, he didn’t think that something so small would motivate this seasoned team who can easily afford this on their own. But what he doesn’t understand is that this will be a FREE Trip! And even the celebrities who are multi millionaires love getting free stuff! Everyone does!

So, we’re off and running. The coaching has breathed some fresh air into this team by reconnecting them with the happy customers and by bringing about a short term and fun contest. In just in one or two short sessions, this team is getting their juices flowing and gaining the excitement once again.

For a coach, this is where the excitement starts to build. When you see enthusiasm returning to a team that has been a bit stale, you know you’re on the right track! It’s exciting to see, because you know, that right around the corner, that calls will be made with a fresh new attitude… and that with all of that positive energy, that sales are lurking right around the corner!

Go get ‘em guys!!! I’m cheering you on!!!

The Difference between Coaching and Training

2008-05-19T09:50:00.000-04:00

Have you ever been told to do something, and you know you SHOULD do it, but you just can’t seem to make it happen? Conversely, do you remember experiencing something new and thinking to yourself, “this isn’t so difficult… I can do this!”

This is the difference between coaching and training!

Recently I was in a new client’s office introducing myself and doing an introductory coaching session. The purpose of the coaching was to get some of the new sales professionals over the fear of cold calling. They believed they were always going to be given warm leads to follow up on, and not have to make the effort to call anyone new. When the leads started getting less and less, the business strategy was forced to change and they knew they needed to start the sales and marketing process with current team.

The management team told the sales team that they now had to start seeking clients. The phone records showed a different story. No one seemed to be doing an effective job so they decided to bring in a coach in to see if that would help the sales team to make outgoing sales calls.

The sales team was all extremely friendly, sharp and outgoing. But when the manager started announcing why I was there, two individuals clammed up, crossed their arms in front of their chests, and seemed incredibly intimidated and closed minded.

So after being given the floor, I introduced myself, gave a bit about my background and what I do and then started asking questions. I asked about them and their job backgrounds, what they loved and didn’t love about their former jobs, and I asked about their strengths and weaknesses. I asked about the environment that they were finding in the marketplace. I asked about the strategies they had in place. I asked about their systems. I asked about how their best calls went and then we determined the best type of buyer or an ideal client. At about this time, the CEO told me in front of the group, “they already know this. We’ve already had training on qualified buyers.”

At that point, I looked at him and said, “That’s great! But I need to hear from THEM about what they are doing and understanding and feeling. I need to hear where they have total confidence and where they find blocks. This needs to come from them, not from anyone else.”

Then I continued to ask questions. From that moment on, I had everyone’s attention, and they all started sharing. They shared with each other about what was working, what wasn’t working. They shared about some of the best conversations that had taken place. They announced that they felt they needed a script to help them get comfortable with what they were doing and they mentioned not ever doing phone cold calls before and that they were unsure of how to do it and a bit intimidated.

I listened to them as they admitted their fears with as much openness and acceptance as I could. Then I acknowledged them for feeling that way and shared with them that that was extremely common and that they were completely and 100% normal!!! They shared stories of obnoxious sales professionals that I asked them to compare or contrast their own personalities to and then I asked what they would suggest to the obnoxious sales professional if they were coaching them. I asked them if they were also intimidated when they first started this job and they admitted they were. I asked how they got comfortable with doing their current job and they shared that they watched others, learned the strategy, the “language” and then practiced. I asked if they’d be willing to take on that same strategy when learning this new skill of cold calling. Then through a series of me asking questions and them answering, most of them felt that starting a marketing process before they had to cold call would introduce the company and its services first, so they wouldn’t be making actual “cold calls” when the time came to reach out to the client. They all seemed to be comfortable with that idea.

At the end of the 2 hour session, all of the sales team were sharing, taking notes and offering to type up their findings with the group. Then I asked each person what was their “take away” from today and 1 goal they were going to set for the next week. Each person had something great they were able to take away from the coaching session and had set new goals that included putting a strategy in place for marketing, making new cold or warm calls and finding new clients. The stiff bodies were replaced with a relaxed and comfortable team who seemed to be enthusiastic about moving ahead.

Later that day, I received an excited email from the CEO who was in the room the whole time. He told me that he had tried to get them to make cold calls for the past 5 months with no effectiveness. He shared with me that several of the team had had mentoring and training from management on the cold calls for weeks at a time, but still, it was ineffective. He seemed genuinely blown away that after one coaching session the entire team was excited and open to moving forward and now had a specific strategy for doing so. And he was excited to continue moving forward with coaching and saw that no matter how much people are told what to do, that if they have fears, they won’t do it until they feel they CAN do it.

So I shared my very deep and wise philosophy that I hope he never forgets.

“Coaching….. works!!!”

Misplaced Passion

2008-04-25T11:47:00.000-04:00

Have you ever been yelled at by someone and their energy was just over the top? Or perhaps you got in someone’s way while driving and they lay on the horn so loud that it is just a bit unreasonable? How about, have you ever seen someone go off at a restaurant or at a store when they didn’t get the best customer service and they just have to let the whole world know? I have a new term for it!!! It’s called MISPLACED PASSION!!!

I’m seeing it all over the place. Drivers on the road who are really stressed about their bills at home act reckless and blame others. Family members who are stretched to the max handling babies, children, bills, jobs, companies, husbands, wives, vacations, insurance, taxes and millions of other things, get fired up when they don’t receive enough calls, or parents on the soccer or baseball fields screaming at their little kids to perform, when what they really should be doing is cheering all of the kids on for just showing up and learning the rules and about good sportsmanship.

I believe that I’ve had a lot of misplaced passion in my life. When I wasn’t working towards a goal that psyched me up, I would place my energy behind issues of customer service. If someone did right by me I’d go to the ends of the earth to let their company know what a great employee they had on board and that the person should be recognized as the star they are! And certainly, on the flip side, if I don’t get invited to an important family function then I will let everyone know! Or if a company did something unethical, or cheated me out of money in a way, I have demanded a return plus a bonus for my trouble. Being a media person, I’ve always thrown that in there, and promised to let the whole world know of their mistake if I didn’t receive the proper compensation or get treated fairly. I normally get whatever I ask, and never make a big deal of it if it wasn’t completely fair, but I’m guessing I am probably stressing someone out with the threat of negative media attention!

Finally, though, I have a passion that I’m getting behind, that is a cause worth sharing with the world. I’m on a mission to educate the educators and teachers and counselors who work with children who have high sensory issues and ADHD because if they have those two, they might have others. If they have up to 6 issues that are uncovered, it bumps them to the Atypical autism scale. These children mostly go undiagnosed, or are mistreated. As a result, the families are stuck with trying to figure out their children, who actually might have some information processing issues that no one knows about. If they get a proper diagnosis, then the children receive lots of additional help from the state and can be treated without the family spending thousands of dollars with no insurance coverage.

We’ve worked with probably 15 different doctors who never suggested we get a neurological assessment for our son. And now that we have one, we’re thrilled to have a deeper understanding into his personality and his brain and his development. He’s a super gifted child, with a few quirks, but now he won’t get in trouble for these quirks as he did before. We have a road map and with that, we’re having much success with him and enjoying our family life for the first time in a long time.

My misplaced passion has been replaced by enormous energy, and focus to let the world know about this misdiagnosis. I’m happy that I won’t be wasting my energy and focus and passion on trivial things that don’t matter any more.

But still, if you’re a customer service person and are treating someone with disrespect, I’m still guessing I won’t bite my tongue. So I guess my passion isn’t going away completely… but my guess is too that when it’s completely channeled, you’ll be hearing a lot about atypical autism!!! And that absolutely THRILLS me!!!

Ending a Client Relationship

2008-04-24T09:54:00.001-04:00

All of us at some point or another become friends with our best clients. Spending time with clients on the phone, in person, in meetings, conference calls, out to lunch, dinner, conferences, or wherever our jobs take us, offers us time to get personal with our clients. We find out about their families, their kids, grandkids, about their vacations, trips and personal interests, likes and dislikes. We often start to think of our client as a friend. So what happens when our client is no longer a client?

It can be really difficult. It can feel like a great relationship is over and never to return. There might be a sense of grieving for a time and a period where there is no communication in place of where there had been constant contact.

Ending the client relationship needs to be well thought out in advance because its bound to happen here and there for one or many reasons. Maybe the individual you were friends with will get a new job. Maybe the predecessor has a different relationship already in tact. Maybe the owner has a company he or she wants to try. Perhaps your prices went up or your vendors made a mistake. Perhaps there were problems in the invoicing, billing or paperwork that got too confusing or perhaps there was a misunderstanding somewhere along the way that you didn’t even know about before it was too late.

Relationships come to a close for many different reasons. And it’s best to have a planned out system to deal with these, just as you would for the beginning of a relationship.

1. It’s natural to want to save an account that you’ve come to rely on as a regular source of income. Try to get to the bottom of the problem to see where things went awry and to see if there is any way to salvage the relationship. Offer to give a service for free or at a deep discount. But when it is clear that the relationship is over, then face it like a champ.

2. Just as in any relationship, human emotions often change with the tide, so it’s best when a relationship has ended that the relationship is given space. After all is said and done, it’s best not to beat a dead horse. It’s best to let some time slip away so you can regain your composure before writing a letter to your former client and it can sound gracious instead of whiney or angry.
3. Write a letter that apologizes for the confusion or the mistake. Be sympathetic and understand their frustration. Reiterate the offer to make amends or offer a discount or something free if they ever come back. Then continue the letter and outline several wonderful things that occurred over the course of the relationship. Outline the successes, the money saved, earned or made based on the relationship. Then share how much the relationship has meant to you personally as well as professionally and that you will look forward to staying in touch.

4. At the end of the letter, start to treat the client as a potential new client. Offer to be of service to them, to be available to answer any questions, or concerns they may have. Offer to be utilized as a resource to them if they need it.

5. Put them in the potential client file. They are no longer a client. But who is to say that they won’t be a client in the future? Keep them on your mailing list. Keep them up on savings or specials or opportunities that your company is offering. Touch base every so often by phone and by email and speak with them personally as well as professionally.

The key is to always maintain your composure and don’t let your emotions get the best of you when the relationship sours. Maintain your dignity even if you made mistakes and had to apologize for a misunderstanding.

The old saying goes, “time heals all wounds.” This saying can be used in business too. Perhaps over time, after working with other vendors, they’ll realize what they’ve missed. Perhaps if the relationship is still in tact and well oiled, they’ll feel that coming back won’t be uncomfortable at all, and that they’d be able to pick up right where they left off before.

When we show dignity in losing, we prove what a winner that we are. Over time, our last impression can become a good impression. And no matter what ever happens with the client, we can always feel good about it for the mature way we handled it!

Conquering The Master of Ceremonies Role

2008-04-18T09:56:00.001-04:00

Conferences can be long and drawn out. They can also be overwhelming because of the amount of information that is presented in such a short time. At conventions where industry experts present, the presentations are highly professional, packed with rich information, research and show hard core results. Most of the speakers use PowerPoint, with video spliced into the speeches which breaks up the slides of data.

Because each presentation is so thought provoking and jammed pack full of information, there seems to be a need to process the information after each speech. Our brains can only hold so much information before they start to tune out and think about all of the items sitting on our desks at home.

For the past few days, I was the Master of Ceremonies at the national Emarketing Association Convention in San Francisco. There were about 6-7 speakers per day on the highest level of marketing. This made the conference challenging as well as highly innovative. They brought results, tips and the tried and true secrets that have worked for their high level companies and clients.

Because I got to sit in and listen to the speeches, I was swimming with new and exciting information and constantly stimulated at the many ideas that I developed. Additionally, I met and get to know so many dedicated marketing professionals; I nearly decided to switch careers, based on their passion for their jobs.

As the role of Emcee, my job was to give breaks to the participants and to introduce the speakers. I always love this role because it’s an opportunity to be playful with people and to bring some lightness to break up the serious topics that are being discussed. Because this role is often given to professionals in their own field, I came up with a list of suggestions for others who are also engaged in this position as facilitator for a meeting or break out sessions, Master of Ceremonies or Emcee for any event they host.

1. In the beginning, welcome the participants with enthusiasm and a smile and offer an overview of the next few days. Share with them some of the exciting highlights that will happen and share with them some ideas for activities on their time off.

2. Stay in close communication with the event manager or whoever is putting the conference together. This person has specific announcements that come up, and has a certain idea of how information is presented.

3. Study up on the town where you’re staying to offer highlights of the city. Introduce yourself to the GM of the hotel and the concierge so you have their name and can rattle their names off to the participants in the event. Having a good concierge can save your participants time researching area restaurants if they have free time for dining out. And sharing their name will add one more thing that allows the participants to feel comfortable in their temporary “home”.

4. Sit down with each of the speakers before they go up on stage. Ask them the basic questions such as where they’re from and how they got in their careers, but also ask them what they do for fun. If they’re in terrific shape, compliment them and ask how they do it? The answers will surprise you!!! From sky diving, scuba diving, rollerblading and kite surfing to wind surfing and being wine enthusiasts, these activities bring a personality to the speakers that may not be apparent from the platform. After reading a shortened version of their bio, share extemporaneously what you learned about the speakers in an enthusiastic and fun way.

5. Ask the question, “What is one thing that no one here would ever know about you or guess about you? The speaker at that point will check into his or her long term memory bank and come up with some really interesting stories that they love to tell!!! One high profile speaker shared how he was arrested at age 12 after being harassed by other children on his paper route for cussing at the children. Another conservative looking speaker shared that he was in a rock band in college which was really bad but started getting better after 5-6 beers! These stories allowed the audience to take a peek at the inner lives of these speakers to see the real fun of behind the professional image the person.

6. Share a bit about yourself throughout the conference. The audience needs to feel comfortable with you as well, so offering advice from your own careers, offer up famous quotes, or stories from your own personal life. This brings more intimacy and liveliness to the audience. Make sure that the stories are short and sweet and have a punch. And if you find that a speaker needs extra time getting set up, go up to individual participants and ask them what they are getting out of the conference so far. Sharing the limelight and engaging particpants is a way to stall for time. Make sure you ask questions of people who look open to answering questions. It can be embarrassing for a participant who is intrinsically shy and who clams up in front of audiences.

7. In between the speakers, ask the participants to stand up, cross the isle and meet someone new each time. Then ask them to share what they are taking away or enjoyed from the previous speaker. This helps all of the participants to get to know lots of people in the room besides just those sitting in their immediate area.

Many of us will be cast in the role of Emcee or Master of Ceremonies at some point in our careers. This is the time to allow others to shine, to bring out their uniqueness from the stage so the audience can sense how likeable they are in “real life”. It’s a role that takes a bit of preparation, the ability to promote others, and to act enthusiastic even when you’re exhausted from long travel or from late hours. But it’s the one role that can bring fun to any event that might otherwise be on the serious side, and it’s the role that can get everyone talking, sharing laughing and engaging with one another when they might normally stay to themselves. Getting to know others on a fun level ultimately makes the conference memorable and a success for the participants.

Grandma Gracie

2008-04-09T09:15:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with a friend of mine Giovanni Livera. He’s a creative genius who actually has more energy that me.. and together we could probably talk for hours and hours and solve all of the world’s problems.

After I’m with someone like Gio, I can write about 15 articles in seconds. The topics get blown up and I find so much information of use as a writer. It’s imperative that someone like me, spends time with someone like him.

He told me a great mini story about his Grandma Gracie. He said he didn’t understand it until he got older and that she used to talk to herself over and over and over. I laughed when I heard it, and realized what a GREAT habit she had formed.

When she was sewing, for hours upon end, Grandma Gracie would talk to herself and encourage herself along the way to stay focused and to stay the course.

“Come on Gracie, you can do it, you can do it. Keep it up Gracie, you can do it.”

Over and over and over she told herself, “you can do it”.

And guess what? She did it!

Giovanni, one of the most creative individuals I’ve ever met, now implements Grandma Gracie’s strategy… “come on Gio, you can do it. Good job Gio, keep going.. you can do it… you can do it…”

From looking around at the many, many amazing things that my friend Gio has accomplished, Grandma Gracie’s self talk has worked in Gios life.
And today, I’m using her technique… “come on Mary, you can do it. Way to go Mary, stay the course.. you can do it, you can do it.”

And now.. I pass it on to you… “you can do it.. you can do it….. It reminds me of the saying, “Inch by inch.. anything is a cinch”!!!! It certainly worked in their lives.. now let it work in ours!!!

Unbeatable Disney Customer Service Made us Fans for Life

2008-04-05T22:34:00.000-04:00

We are coming off of spring break in Florida and finally relaxing after a 3 day Disney vacation. We visited the Magic Kingdom, Epcot and Animal Kingdom. These past 2 weeks are traditionally the busiest of the whole year, because of the amount of people who come because of spring break.

I can attest to the fact that the parks were crowded. There were times where making it through the crowds was nearly impossible. The lines of the attractions ran over and hour in many cases. People who were able to secure Fast Passes were able to soar through the lines with no problem. That system allows anyone to feel special a few times throughout the day if they plan their time correctly. It keeps people satisfied that at least they’ll be able to visit a few rides quickly and efficiently.

I learned an invaluable tip from a friend of mine who has a child with a disability. We were able to secure a special guest pass because someone in our party has a childhood developmental disorder and with the proper paperwork from the doctor which we were able to provide, we were given a pass which we’ll renew every 3 months. This pass allows immediate access to all rides with no waiting whatsoever. It’s the disability line, which is the same as the fast pass line. If you time it outside of the fast pass time, you can get up to the front of the line within minutes. Even if you go at the same time with the Fast Pass holders, your wait time is still only about 10 minutes.

The thing that impressed each of us was the unbelievable treatment we received because of the pass. We were taken on back stage tours a few times by wonderful Disney employees. We were sat in premiere seats whenever possible and were personally attended to if we needed anything. They wildly exceeded our expectations and felt like VIPS instead of second class citizens which often happens to people with disabilities.

None of our children knew how we were able to secure the VIP fast pass and only one Disney employee corrected the children when he called it a Disability pass until we stopped him in his tracks. We don’t want our kids feeling like they’re disabled, even though the disability that has occurred is a constant challenge.

For families with Autism, ADHD or other neurological disorders, this system in place at Disney is invaluable. Disney should be recognized for the great work they’re doing to promote excellent customer service and wonderful treatment of those outside the box.

I’ve always been a customer of Disney but now I’m a fan for life.

Have Hard Times Hardened You or Helped You?

2008-04-01T09:20:00.001-04:00

Yesterday we spent the day at the Beach at a resort in the Daytona Beach area. I went to the desk in the morning and asked if they could let me borrow an old hat from lost and found. I shared with them that I had so many upcoming medical expenses for my son, that I didn’t want to spend money on a hat that we’d use just for a few hours and we had hundreds at home.

The young gal at the front desk came back and reported in that it wasn’t possible so I asked to talk with whoever was in charge. Within moments, two women walked out and faced me.

One had an aggressive look on her face, ready for battle. It was apparent on her face when she said, WHAT? CAN I HELP YOU? It was bold and brazen and not soft at all. There was no customer savvy there whatsoever.

The other lady let me speak first, and she was pleasant. I spoke to both of them, and just asked if they had a hat that I could borrow. I didn’t care if it was old or whatever, but my son has red hair and I wanted to help protect his skin.

The bold and brazen lady, in her continued bold style said, “those are only the people’s who lost their hats, we can’t give them out.” I responded, “I’m sure there are some there that have been there forever! Can’t you just let me borrow one?” NO she answered with her natural angry look on her face still plastered on it. Then, the other lady politely chimed in that she’d see if she had one in the condo sales department and she then brought one to our room.

When I walked away, I wondered if this big resort knew how HARD hearted that one lady was? Do they know how her personality is negatively affecting their customers? Do they know, that because she’s got an attitude of “I’m going to get the world before they get me” is costing them?

I would have walked away with such a horrible feeling about their resort. It was the only request I had in my two days there, and it wouldn’t have cost anyone a penny. It was a simple request that they could have done out of the goodness of their heart. And as a matter of fact, someone from the company, albeit in a different department did save the day, and offer me a logo branded hat that was probably used for promotional purposes.
But I didn’t care. I was so grateful for her help and for the hat that I wrote her a long personal letter and will send a letter to corporate on her behalf, about how helpful she was and how awful the other lady made me feel.

What about you? What does your face look like? Is the natural look of your countenance sad? Happy? Content? Angry? Confused? Scared? It is my belief that our faces show our inside feelings and thoughts. And our thoughts then create how we act and respond to other people.

In the case of this woman, she didn’t disappoint. One look at her and I knew that I was going to have a battle on my hands. She wouldn’t give anyone a break because she hadn’t had any breaks in her life. She made it her goal to make it hard on everyone else who she came in contact with on her path.

Lucky for her, and a great blessing to me, she was with a kind hearted lady, who took the role upon herself to solve my problem. She received a long personal and handwritten letter of thanks from me when I left and returned the hat to her. I let her know that she was an angel for me that day.

What would you have done? Gone out of the way for your customer? Or let them figure it out for themselves?

My hope is that if you have time to think about it, you’d do the right thing… and she probably may have too, if she was just a bit more aware.

Just a Secretary?

2008-03-27T14:47:00.004-04:00

This week I was called by one of my clients who has delayed in sending my company money that it is owed. She was asking for a letter regarding being the sole provider of my product, meaning that I’m not a reseller.

At this point, we’ve already jumped through numerous hoops with this company. We’ve provided invoices, made calls and have continued to get the run around. We’ve been passed around from department to department and no one has wanted to take responsibility.

Finally, I got on the phone with the lady who was calling us to confirm we received a fax. Our conversation was one of those dumb conversations where I was talking about one thing and she was talking about something completely different. We couldn’t seem to sync up our conversation and both sides were getting frustrated. I asked her what she faxed: she answered: “I don’t know, I’m JUST A SECRETARY”. I said, “who did you fax it to?” She answered: “I don’t know, I’m JUST A SECRETARY”.

I finally told her, “you’re not giving yourself enough credit! You’re one of the most valuable people in your organization!! I couldn’t do what I do without administrative help, and I bet they couldn’t either.”

With that, she calmed down a bit, but sill had annoyance in her voice when I asked WHERE she sent the fax!!! When she called out a (704) area code, I told her that this number changed almost 3 years ago, and someone higher up in her organization not only has been using a faulty address, but a faulty fax number… from THREE years ago!!!

I then gave her the correct address, phone and fax number, and she hung up. It started me thinking about what she and others must think about themselves to suggest… “I’m only a secretary.. or I’m only a sales person, or I’m only a financial person, or I’m only this or that…” Where is the attitude, of: “I don’t know that answer, but I will find it!!!” Why wouldn’t she do whatever it took to hunt down the information and to do her job with passion and gusto, even if it wasn’t in the job description?

Certainly, every organization has their rules, and people can’t be doing other people’s jobs in corporate America but if they're dealing with a customer, it is every person's responsibilty to FIND the answer!!! Entrepreneurs are EXPECTED to do every job, because if it needs doing, they do it. It’s a different mentality I know. Unions instill that “don’t touch someone else’s job” mentality at times too… and it can just cut a person’s motivation to achieve greater results. I do understand and appreciate what unions stand for, but sometimes, it hurts organizations more than it helps. (and that's a completely other topic!)

Consider your “title” and ask yourself.. are you JUST this one role? Or do you play many roles at different times of the day? Of course we have different roles and responsibilities!!! I am a wife, a mother, a sister, daughter, entrepreneur, an athlete, a speaker, a coach, a friend, a colleague, a supporter, an activist, a dreamer, a doer, a employer, an employee, a freelancer, a spokesperson, an expert, a TV host, a TV guest, a radio personality, an author, a trainer, a survivor, a thriever, listener, a blogger, a marketer, an investor, a traveler, and so on and so on. I’m not “just” anything.

If you catch yourself thinking I’m JUST anything.. think again!!! You’re doing that role for that minute, or that day or that week… and if you put on that hat, then take the responsibility for that role. Do what you can to do it well. If you don’t know how, then ask for help. If you get frustrated, take a break and then try it again. Don’t stop until you’ve got it right.

But never, ever, undermine yourself, and say you’re JUST anything.

It’s just simply a cop out…. and simply not true.

The Paparazzi of the Future: Your Future Workers

2008-03-13T08:08:00.000-04:00

Remember when taking pictures or video used to be used for vacations or for special events? We used to carry our camera when we had to document something we’d like to remember the rest of our life such as when on vacation.

Years ago, Hollywood stars were enigmas and their private lives were off limits. We had one magazine called PEOPLE that carefully crafted stories of their”perfect” lives. Today, besides the paparazzi who expose every dirty secret of the stars, we have reality TV shows where individuals like Scott Biao (Chachi on "Happy Days) and Paula Abdul, who work out their personal problems in front of a camera. If you watch these shows, you’re wondering, who would ever choose to air their dirty laundry like these stars are doing for the world to see and assess?

Unfortunately, it has caught on and everyone is acting like a star! Spend some time on YouTube or MySpace and you’ll be more than shocked with the secrets that are being revealed by our youth.

Today’s young person has grown up with the mega stars of our times every where they turn... It’s no wonder that the majority of teens now just want to be famous. They don’t care how they do it, they just want it. And now, they don’t just want it, they’re acting the part. Gone are the days that you have to ask someone else to take your picture for your scrap book. Today, our young people stretch out their arms, and smile for the camera or video, and document every stage of their young lives and quickly post them in time for their circle of friends to see and assess. Sound familiar?

But has anyone asked how this is affecting our young people? Has anyone stopped to think about what sort of workers that will be entering our workplace in a few years? Has anyone stopped to think about the actions that our youth is taking as a result of growing up in a Paparazzi Society?

What will happen when they are asked to start off at a company as a receptionist, or in the mailroom? What will happen when they’re not followed around 24/7 by the flash of the camera and able to post their whereabouts on the net for all to see? How will they respond when upper management tells them that some information is private and that they’re being asked to sign a confidentiality clause? Will they be able to do it? Will they need to seek some sort of outside gratification to get the attention they’ve had their whole lives? Will they be able to survive in a corporate environment where the team is more important than the individual? How will managers deal with these workers who are addicted to their own self induced paparazzi and ego that gets a buzz every time someone comments on their personal sites?

Considering what is happening in the blog world now, and how workers are being fired for blogging about inside information, I see a new trend that is causing problems that can potentially escalate out of control. It’s not just the blogs that will be critiqued; it’s the pictures and the video, of our future workers who will be secretly taping their lives on the job... in YOUR offices!

It appears that privacy will soon be a thing of the past… not just for celebrities, but for the average, conservative, and mild mannered person who does a good job for their company and who goes home to care for their children. If they’re not documenting their lives for all to see, they’ll probably have a co-worker willing to do it for them, filled with their own commentary, and claiming it to be perfectly acceptable under our First Amendment rights. They’ll claim to own their own blogs, and own internet -TV networks with their own viewers which will allow them to claim the same rights as a press person traditionally has had.

According to First Amendment rights attorney Lawrence G. Walters of Weston, Garrou, DeWitt & Walters in Altamonte Springs, over the next several years the courts will be struggling with this issue of what is newsworthy and who is protected by the first amendment. He explained that if a person tapes themselves for their own autobiographical purposes to profit from their own image it is allowed. But once they show images of anyone else in public without first getting a signed release, the owners of the other images can file a publicity claim law suit.

Larry suggested that companies implement rules to circumvent this sort of thing from happening in the future. Companies can set up their own rules of what to wear, and what can and can’t happen in the work place. Then, if an employee crosses the line, the employer will be protected legally.

The future is nearly upon us. We can either ignore it or we can prepare for it. Soon we’ll have a whole new work force that act as if they are “stars”. If we don’t seek first to understand, we may be a “star” on someone else’s show.

Sales Skills for the Non Sales Professional

2008-03-13T05:25:00.002-04:00

Have you ever wondered how you’re going to do it? You are a lawyer who wants to make partner, an accountant, an engineer or other professional and part of your business plan is that you have to attract business customers? You’ve always detested selling, and you can’t see yourself doing it! As a matter of fact, sales people are a huge turn off to you.

Yet, you have to bring in customers!

What are you going to do?

Many of my current or former clients fit the above description. Many of them finally contacted me, a coach, when they were in trouble because they had no idea where to start. They decided that they needed help sort through the challenge set before them.

And guess what? They survived! And not only did they survive, but they thrived! As soon as they realized that they didn’t need to change their personality, become a raving fan, or over the top, they relaxed and settled into learning what they had to do.

I’ll take you through a typical client and what they learn to do.

I recently coached a gentleman that was trying to make partner in his law firm. He had been told upon his hiring that he’d be responsible for attracting business to his company. He bluffed his way through the interview by mentioning how many people that he knew and how many big cases he had worked on successfully. He didn’t mention that the business wasn’t his, or that he was terrified of calling all of the people that he knew and asking for business!

When he and I got together I asked him to start by naming all of his strengths. We went over all of the benefits that any of his clients or future clients would get by working with him. I had him post these in his desk so he’d never doubt how talented he really is in work.

Next, we outlined what sorts of clients he should secure and then wrote a list of any current or former friends or colleagues that he knew. We developed an information sheet on each of them which would be later transferred to a contact management system such as ACT or Goldmine or Constant Contact. On each of the sheets, he had write about the person. He wrote down anything he knew about them professionally or personally. These ranged from where they went to school to their spouses names, to their hobbies.

Next, we put them in order from “A” Accounts (The really big ones) down to “D” accounts (Barely worth calling) and everyone in between. When all was said and done, my client had a list of about 25 people on the A list and those were the ones that we focused on.

Those names went into the computer. We then called and got all of their current information such as emails, secretaries names, firms, etc. He then wrote a letter that was sent to each of them announcing his new position and then said that he would soon be giving a follow up call to say a quick hello. The letter was written in a casual manner, and not too formal. It definitely did NOT look like a form letter from a law firm!

Over time, my client redeveloped these people into friends. He did it by meeting them to play basketball, going to networking events with them, or inviting them to political speeches. He was able to get tickets for a few of them to different events and basically became a resource to the whole legal profession for most of them. He became a FRIEND to these individuals, their firms and as a result, guess what happened?

He started bringing in business of course! Not only that, but several associates wanted to know what he was doing and how it all started.

Developing into a sales professional is a scary thought for someone who is afraid of sales. But turning into a resource for your friends and colleagues is not only fun, but a great way to learn and grow your business.

Mary Gardner, President of Lifestyles Communications Inc. Lifestyles Communications Inc. is dedicated to helping individuals understand and succeed in the new virtual, internet and global marketplace. Mary has coached and consulted for executives, professional athletes, entrepreneurs, and individuals in interpersonal communication tactics, business communication, public speaking, and has spoken professionally throughout the country. If you have a coaching question contact Mary at mary@marygardner.com or web: www.marygardner.com or www.lifestylescommunications.com

Professional Conferences are Great for Advancing Career

2008-03-13T05:25:00.001-04:00

How does an entrepreneur keep up with the cutting edge of their trade, become an industry leader or get to network with other industry professionals in a casual and fun atmosphere?

It seems so easy but often times heading out of town to a national industry conference may seem like taking too much time out of an already packed schedule. After all, we can all read the trade magazines, the latest best sellers and go to local or regional conferences with not much effort. But one might not recognize is that the rewards are phenonominal when going to a national conference related to ones’ industry.

I just returned from Atlanta and attending the national conference of the Emarketing Association (www.emarketingassociation.com) . I want to keep on the cutting edge when consulting to my current and future clients who are building their businesses. And I hoped get some good tips or perhaps meet some great contacts.

In reality, there is no way that I could have learned as much by simply keeping up with the trades. I may have not been selected as next years’ Emcee. There is no way that I could have met the sharp and savvy speakers who were highlighted at the conference unless I had been there in person. The speakers came from all over the country and highlighted the most current and up to date information and statistics of what is working in online marketing for companies. Google sponsored the conference and hosted a cocktail party to show their latest additions. Coca Cola representatives spoke about keeping customers engaged with the website by their online awards program which keeps the customers coming back over and over. Danny Kastner, CEO of FanRocket out of LA, who was a contestant on The Apprentice, showed us creative, catchy videos that his clients and companies are using to drive traffic to their site to increase sales. He pointed out that entertainment is necessary to sell online, even if you’re selling weed killer! And Ken Lipscomb, CEO of Fourspots.com shared pre-made commercials that companies can purchase from them at extremely affordable prices, tailor to their needs and have them on the air within minutes. He also shared with us how small to mid sized companies can increase their sales by a few million a year by adding unique TV advertising campaigns in their offices!

Hearing EMarketing Association founder Robert Fleming speak was a highlight. He shared the marketing profession is in a period of significant transition. The old rules are changing and now the messages we send have global implications. He feels that if U.S. businesses don’t keep up and lead the way, we’re at risk of losing our strong economy. He said it is our American duty to build strong businesses to keep our economy strong and that we are in a global commerce and we are going to have to work harder to keep up with the changes

All of these individuals are now professional associates and friends, because at conferences the advantage is getting the chance to hang out socially between the breaks or after the day is finished. Here are my tips to make the most of any conference:

1) Come in a day early well rested if possible. Hang out in the bar the night before the conference. Others from the conference will be doing the same and you’ll get a head start with meeting people. 2) Understand that most people are there solo or with one or two others so take advantage of that fact and meet everyone you can. Be the one who breaks the ice with others and people will be grateful. 3) Have your business cards ready to give out and a pen. Write what you spoke about on the back of their card and follow up when you return with a hand written note. 4) Ask questions to all of the speakers so they focus in on you and so does everyone in the audience. If you’re more familiar to others, it’ll be easier to meet others. 5) Meet each speaker up close and personal after they speak if possible. Trade cards and then bring value to them somehow when you write and follow up such as sending them information that might be helpful. 6) Introduce yourself to the conference chair from the moment you arrive and ask who he or she recommends you meet. That is the one person who knows everyone and can help you most. 7) Relax and have fun! The most successful people at conferences are the ones who are easy to talk with, who are open about sharing information and who are helpful to others. And of course, be careful not to booze it up too much even though the temptation is there because that’s the impression you’ll leave.
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Technology is changing our businesses rapidly and if we don’t jump on board and learn as much as we can we will be left in the dust by our foreign friends. I learned that it is our DUTY to work hard for our economy and to be profitable. National conferences are a great place to advance ourselves and our businesses. Put it in the budget! And if you need an exciting and fun Emcee, call me!

Showing Your Strengths at Work

2008-03-13T05:25:00.000-04:00

I was recently with a client whose star power in his career is rising. He’s the young hot shot at the company who was recruited from another firm and is now settling in at the new one. He’s watching his P’s and Q’s, and learning the ins and outs of what makes a successful executive at his new firm.

One of the things that he’s required to do is to speak at meetings and at conferences. For some reason, the thought of that just absolutely terrifies him. Although he had done it in his previous career, he’s now facing a whole new set of rules in an unfamiliar territory. He wants to appear knowledgeable and comfortable, yet feels he has a lot to learn before he officially arrives there in reality.

I shared with him that part of the reason he was recruited was to ADD a fresh new perspective to the company who hired him. They don’t expect him to know everything about THEM yet, but to show the leadership skills as a professional that will help lead the new team. And part of that is to jump on board and be willing to learn what it is going to take to help make the company successful.

We looked at all of the skills that he brought to the table. He’s got expertise in his career field, and he has brought in many new clients over the course of his career. He’s a likeable guy, creative and good at understanding people. With these characteristics, we were able to start constructing a “message” that he will be able to bring to his company, throughout the next several months.

He shared with me that he really believes that each person has something to offer to the company that can be creative and innovative. He enjoys spending personal time with those he manages to get to know them personally, and believes that when employees feel valued, they are more likely to be loyal and to work hard on your behalf. With that in mind, we planned a series of meetings that he’ll conduct with his new team. We brainstormed about different topics that will bring extra value to his team, and to his company at large, and he’s now preparing about 10 different “messages” based on his own strengths and what he believes this company needs. The “messages” are short, but effective. He’ll share a few stories from individuals he admires like Jack Welch and Bill Gates and historical characters like Thomas Jefferson.

His style is motivational, so he’ll sprinkle his conversation with his team with quotes, and he’ll challenge the team to consider these messages and how they can apply to their own strategies at work.

In regards to his “image” with the powers that be, his strategy is to show up to every meeting prepared, with something of value to share, and to provide content to the others about strategies, ideas, concepts, research or anything that might be able to help move this company forward. He’s willing to put in the extra time now, to prepare a bit for the future.

Working with this client has brought anticipation to both of us, and an eagerness to reach out and to work hard to do the job right. When we get on the phone, we brainstorm the possibilities as well as address the hurdles set before him.

Having someone to speak with about displaying your strengths at work is important. It gives the person a strategy to follow and a map to guide them. With an attitude and work ethic like this, how can he do anything but succeed?

Beethoven’s Inspiration

2008-03-04T13:27:00.002-05:00

Have you ever had a talent that you let slide away? Perhaps you had a sport or hobby from childhood that you worked long and hard at, and then in one full swoop, you gave it up. Perhaps you spent so many years toiling over it that you finally had just had enough? You got to the point where you never wanted to participate in that activity again since it had caused you so much agony over the years?

That was how I was with piano. My mom made me practice over and over and over. Even though the practice made me quite proficient at playing difficult pieces, I still wasn’t a natural at reading music. I had to practice until I could learn the notes and finally I would have practiced it so many times that I naturally memorized it. By that time, I was driving my whole family crazy with the same song like The Entertainer, which drove my sister and brothers crazy for years! Any time I wanted to get under their skin, I’d play that song. Of course, it’d make my parents happy that I was playing after all of the money they spent on lessons, and the ultimate was that I got my siblings raging mad! So for then, playing piano was a perfect fit for me and of course the best part was annoying my siblings!

Through the years, I’ve poked around at the piano, but still have the same challenge of not really reading notes fluidly. But when I realized that playing piano is on my life time goals list, then I realized that I was going to have to start from ground zero, and start learning about it. So yesterday, I picked up a music book with Beethoven’s 5th symphony and started reading about him and about his music so I could start to understand how the music was inspired.

I set about to start reading after I had sent my son to school. That is when the house is quiet and the birds are outside singing and all is good with the world. That is the time of day that all good things are a possibility, and all of the stress from getting ready for school is gone, and I feel one with the world.

So, I sat down to read about Beethoven. What I read was really interesting! Beethoven started writing music at age 25. He wrote most of his music between the ages of 30 -45. He started going deaf at that time and by the time he was in his 40s he was completely deaf. Interestingly enough, the silence brought him his most masterful work, since he was unable to hear the critics and able to tune out any clutter in the world and concentrate completely on his music that existed in his head.

Beethoven was a master at repetition. It was almost as if he was drilling into the listener’s ear about his purpose in life was to bring this certain melody to the world and that he wanted you to GET IT. But using repetition can be monotonous to the listener and can just kill a piece. So what Beethoven did was he would use a variation of the line and alter the notes ever so slightly, still to make it sound like it was in unity with the other part of the music, but different enough to make it interesting. This was part of his brilliance and he sometimes worked for months and years to perfect each piece. Until he found the right note or combination of notes and made it perfect, it wasn’t complete.

I started thinking about repetition in our own lives and how we use it. We tell our kids the same things redundantly, “wash your hands, brush your teeth, say please and thank you.” And still, we must continue drilling it in because they always forget. We tell our spouses to take out the trash or please help with the chores and we share with our work associates to keep focused or to continue their own personal growth. But how many times do we start sounding like a broken record? Are people really listening to us? Are we becoming monotonous and deadly to our friends and family?

Next time you start hearing yourself yelling at your kids or find yourself repeating the same old line you’ve mumbled a thousand times, try some variety! Instead of telling your kids they’ll be punished, tell them they’ll be tickled! Or instead of leading a meeting the same way at the same time every week, perhaps throw in some humor or a story to change things up a bit. Show your friends and family that you care for them, the listener, by being willing to change your own tune, vary your voice and your message, just a bit, so the same theme is gotten across, just in a different way.

Looking to Beethoven for guidance on life might be a stretch, or it might be a lifesaver. Depending upon how you look at it.

Try it on for size. And just once, your audience may actually approve… and take action!

Sometimes it's Technology to Blame, and Not the Person..

2008-02-19T17:04:00.000-05:00

Recently having read Elisabeth Gilbert’s EAT, PRAY, LOVE, an engaging book that discloses the Italian’s claim on how Americans lack pleasure in their lives, I was inspired to set out on a little Italian adventure of my own. To satisfy my craving for more leisure and fun…and for a tasty, time-honored Italian meal…I decided to try and make home-made pasta and “gravy” (the red sauce with meat).

While I started out with great confidence, enthusiasm, and the traditional ingredients, I unfortunately lacked an essential component: a pasta drying rack. Still enthused, however, I got on my mobile phone and started calling stores who I thought might have what I needed.

After about a half hour of unsuccessful searching, I finally reached a woman (Eve) in a local store who seemed at least knowledgeable about the rack, although her store was temporarily out of them. Eve was very cheerful and helpful until I asked her for a recommendation of where else I might find this item. I started naming stores, brainstorming aloud possible specialty locations, and babbling on about the recipe. Then I stopped for a minute to ask her if she agreed with me that one particular culinary store might carry the rack in question. Within seconds the phone went “click.” I was aghast. I sat on the other end of the phone, shocked at her appalling attitude. What nerve, I thought.

Now I realized I probably rambled on a bit, it was a busy time of year for her, and had no doubt come across as a novice chef who might not prove to be a frequent or valuable customer for her store, and I was talking about going to the competition. Yet I was seeking expert advice, and manners are manners, right? So to hang up on me? How rude! I was steaming by then, thinking all kinds of vengeful thoughts. Just wait until I go down there and tell her I’m in the communication business and “thank” her for my next negative example of customer service!

Setting out to find my drying rack, I dressed in my most intimidating suit. My plan was to stop by her store on the way home and confront Eve about her disrespect. I would have my delicious pasta dish, prove the Italians wrong, and settle the scores with this bad-mannered woman. When I got to the store, I inquired how to find the department where Eve worked. The manager knew who I was asking about, escorted me to the specialty department, all the while raving about Eve’s knowledge and service approach: she had apparently worked there since the store opened and had contributed a great deal to the store’s success. I thought to myself, if you only knew!

The manager introduced us and walked away with another customer. Upon meeting, while my initial instinct was to pointedly tell this lady how rude she had been to hang up on me, my good grace and sense thankfully took over at the last minute. She was much older than me, very tiny with tidy hair and clothing, and had a warm smile. I suddenly felt like I was standing in my grandmother’s kitchen. I began by apologizing for being so green at this “cooking thing,” but I was the one who had called about the pasta drying rack…and well, I was surprised that she had hung up on me!

The astonished look on Eve’s face showed me immediately that I had it all wrong. In careful detail, she explained what had happened on the other end of the phone. My phone, it seemed, was going in and out and she was having a hard time understanding me. She had continued to try to tell me that she couldn’t hear me well, and that suddenly I wasn’t there anymore. She felt terrible, as she had determined that I was desperate for this item and so excited about a first attempt at home-made pasta, and hoped and figured I’d call her back. She had even called a few other stores around to ask if they had the rack I was looking for.

Her face and sincere tone told me she was telling the truth. She was so lovely, and in the end, I told her that even though I was embarrassed by my own intentions, I was glad I had come. She gave me some lasagna preparation tips and showed me a few other tools that might help me starting out in the kitchen. I learned a lot that day…about cooking, about giving someone the benefit of the doubt, and about the possible harms of technology.

As I drove home, I started thinking about that afternoon as a microcosm of a much bigger picture. While the technological age has advanced us as a productive society and has significantly increased our ability to communicate, there are some ironic, downside risks. How many times have you been on a cell phone and you or the other person have lost charge or coverage? Think about the advertisements we see that expose these ill-fated circumstances…the woman telling her partner they are pregnant, and he doesn’t react with the enthusiasm she anticipates because he’s lost the call!

What about the emails we send with important requests that never get a reply? Has the message been blatantly ignored, or did the message go into some “undeliverable” vortex? How many times have we accidentally sent a message to the wrong address by hastily hitting enter in the drop-down address list? Or misinterpreted the content or tenor of an email message that was written quickly?

Technology is now so intertwined with communication, both for personal and business gain, we really can’t imagine living without it. It connects us around the world, and gets the job done instantly! Another article could be dedicated to the benefits of technology for sure. But as with any modern-day convenience, when technology is involved, some challenges are bound to occur. After all, humans created it, and we humans aren’t perfect.

The key is to anticipate problems, avoid or prevent them whenever possible, and most importantly, don’t be completely dependent on technology. Let’s not forget the old-fashioned way of communicating – conversing in person! Driving down to the store and talking to the kind and helpful associate…

Here are a few quick tips to consider:

· If feasible, meet face to face. There is no better way in history to develop productive relationships than to interact…live. Conversing face to face allows us to ask questions, read non-verbal cues, make sure messages get interpreted as they’re meant to…and it’s fun.

· Pick up the phone. Speaking to a person live is the next best thing to being there, right? More so than the written word, speaking on the phone allows us to “read” sincerity, intent, and implication. Not only meaning, but motive can get lost in translation in emails, memos, and sometimes even voicemails.

· When communicating in writing, select your words carefully, use a positive tone, write complete thoughts instead of fragments. Avoid techno-speak or “instant” spelling. Review what you’ve read to check for tone. If using email, double check the “to” line to ensure the correct recipients.

· Assume positive intent, behave rationally, and keep a level head when corresponding with others, regardless of the communication vehicle. If something gets misinterpreted, take responsibility. Remain calm, and ask about the other person’s viewpoint. And never ever, just “assume,” for this can be a big mistake! Sometimes, it’s the technology to blame, not the person!

Even through we do occasionally have challenges with communication technology, we’ve got to be thankful for it and remember how far we’ve come. After all, remember the telegram… the fastest method of written form we had a few short years ago, replacing ox carts moving across town with the mail!

The Power of One

2008-02-08T22:48:00.000-05:00

Last week I had the distinct pleasure of attending the Social Networking Conference in Miami Florida. I was only able to attend one day out of the two and I was able to attend as a press person representing the Orlando Business Journal where I have a regular column.

Verna, who works for Mark Brooks’s company, Courtland Brooks Agency was the press contact who sat me on a bench and brought one interesting entrepreneur to me after another. She kept my plate full with dynamic people doing incredible things on the web.

One such person was a guy by the name of Markus Frind. Markus is a regular kind of guy who looks really smart and wears really cool glasses but when I saw his company name, I nearly got weak at the knees. I started jumping up and down and screaming like I was meeting a rock star. And to me, I was!!! My husband had just recently read an article about Markus who is the owner and founder of the number 1 dating website in the world called Plentyoffish.com Before I stopped screaming and jumping up and down I quickly called my husband and asked him the name of the website we were reading about recently. When he announced it was plentyoffish.com, I promptly handed the phone over to him and introduced the two programmers to one another.

Before you start thinking that I’m a complete geek, let me share, that one report stated that Markus makes about 10 million $ a year off of his free social networking site. Although he didn’t confirm it to me, he told me he stopped sharing the amount of money he was now making. Oh yah, and did I mention, that he only has one employee?? And his biggest competitors, like eharmony or match.com employee 400-500 people? Markus is just ONE person, and he’s recently hired one gal to work for him.

After getting over my initial shock that I was sitting with Markus Frind, the founder of www.plentyoffish.com, I settled in on asking the questions that I wanted to know! I wasn’t interested in how he did it necessarily; I was more interested how one person could achieve such dramatic results, and what sort of person he was to focus on one major purpose like he did.

So my questions started: why did he pick opening a dating website? Because he wanted to service as many people in the general population as possible. How did he do it with just one person? He focused every single day on how to make it better and while he would listen to the feedback from the participants, he ultimately listened to his gut instinct. Why was his site so special I asked? Not because it looked good he told me. He said programmers like bells and whistles, but the average person just wants it to work. That’s all they care about! He doesn’t try to make it look good. He just wants it to be great at allowing people to meet. Then I asked where he worked and what sort of person he was? He told me he grew up on a farm in Canada, originally from Germany and he didn’t know the language when he moved there, but over time he grew up and found he liked programming. He told me he lived in a 2 bedroom apartment and didn’t any distractions. He was competitive, and just loved that he was like David in David and Goliath. I loved that scenario. I loved it that he was sitting in an apartment continuing to make his site better and better, and not out spending all of his money on himself. He didn’t get caught up in the glamour of the money and continued to keep his life simple. I commented to him that now he could afford boats and cars and houses anywhere. He did admit to buying a BMW, but that was about it. He also travels a lot now but other than that, he still likes things simple.

It was such a pleasure to meet Markus. I am impressed by his accomplishment of course, but more than that, by how he chooses to live. He lives simply and without the bravado. It made me want to scale back, and to stop the thousands of things that I do, and think about the ONE thing that I want to achieve.

What about you? Do you have one project that gets you up early every day and keeps you up at night? Do you spend your precious energy thinking about how to make it better or more improved?

Just think about what one person can do. When one person gets completely focused, and puts all of their heart, mind and soul behind a project, the possibilities are limitless.

The power of One.
It’s all we really need.
The power of ONE.

Living with Sensory Processing Disorder Successfully

2008-02-07T18:39:00.000-05:00

I’ve spent thousands of dollars on Occupational therapy for my son who has had Sensory Processing Disorder and ADHD. I believe in Occupational Therapy and who knows where we’d be if we didn’t have the OT. But I’ve found how to integrate it into our life, and save us some money.

My son loved OT and I know the many benefits that he received from it. But it didn’t come without a struggle. Each session was $60 per half hour, or $120 an hour. I loved seeing him thrash around in the mats, swinging on the swings or spinning, running and jumping. I knew that he was getting mental benefits as well as physical and we continued the work at home by doing jumping on the trampoline, wheel barrels and crab crawls. But the money I was spending without being reimbursed started to cut into other things I wanted to do for my son. For instance, I wanted to get him allergy testing, but that $1300 for the test was something I’d have to save for, so we cut out OT.

I’ve made hundreds of little changes in our lifestyle over the past year and a half since I became somewhat educated about my child’s needs. It truly has been a series of trying something and seeing if it worked, and trying another to see if that worked. Some days, it seems we have moved forward several steps, but then we can take several steps backwards in one day, or one giant, dramatic episode.

Here are a few things I’ve learned about my son. I need complete structure in the house and with his routine. He gets up at a certain time, eats, bathes and does story time every day and every night. We have to plan far in advance to do something out of the ordinary, and the whole house has to be set up to accommodate that. That means, if we have cub scouts or basketball practice, then the house has to be clean before he gets home and I will focus 100% of my time on him before he goes. If we have a play date, the date wraps up at exactly 5PM so I can get home and get dinner on the table by 6:15 and have him in the tub by 7PM. His bedtime is strictly 8:30 and there is no negotiating.

I’ve learned that I have to spend more time with him in the afternoon. I get all of my work and chores done during the day around my work, so when he gets home, I play with him and part of that play is his OT. He jumps on the trampoline, we box, wrestle, go hunting for treasures in the yard or go for a walk. The afternoon routine always consists of homework and exercise.

I have learned that TV and play dates with other kids are rewards. For good behavior, he can watch a cartoon. He does not get to plop down in front of the TV whenever he wants or turn on the computer. He has to do his home work and gets to play with friends if he has good and we usually plan these play dates. We do this so there is not much stimulation and there isn’t a lot of chance where he can get over stimulated.

All throughout the morning and day and evening, I rub Jeremy’s muscles. I scratch his back and affectionately massage his legs, arms or feet. In the bathtub I scrub him with a washcloth and he always makes sure that I get under his armpits! That wash cloth takes the place of the OT brush and the massage he gets throughout the day must help too. He doesn’t seem to complain about it because I tell him we want to warm up his muscles and keep him in shape.

I have asked Jeremy to help me get in shape so we do push ups together, crab crawls and bear crawls. We race each other and we compete. In the evenings or in the mornings, I have my husband wrestle with Jeremy or have Jeremy try to push my husband over by pushing his hands against my husbands’ hands. This helps with the upper body strength and is similar to wall push ups. The wrestling is good for his body as well and acts like the mats in therapy.

Bath time used to be the worst time of the day. Getting him in and out of the tub was a literal nightmare. I dreaded it for the hour before bath time. Now, I give him choices. He can stay in the tub for the whole time or he can get out and watch 15 minutes of TV. He has choices to make and it doesn’t matter to me which choice he makes, it is up to him. He usually gets out the tub to watch a few minutes of TV. I have stopped screaming for him to get out of the tub. I simply give him a choice of two things: tub or TV. If he chooses to stay up for longer than he is supposed to, then he loses a play date with friends the next day. If he gets in bed on time, then he gets a special reward and I’ll make a special play date for him the next day if I’m able.

We’ve experimented with no dairy, magnet therapy, supplements and tae kwan do. We’ve done allergy testing, toxin testing and are hoping to do Mind mapping in the near future. My goal is to get him off of any type of ADHD medication. We’ll keep doing different therapies until we’ve found the magic potion of what works for him. We regularly read healing scriptures and the Psalms in the Bible.

We are on a journey together and I’m definitely not “there” but I have learned a few things along the way. I’ve learned that my child needs me to keep him comfortable and needs me to structure his life. I’ve learned that yelling isn’t the answer and that building up his body is a process but it’s one that is worth the effort. I’ve learned that putting him first above everything else has worked for me. My career is on hold. Marketing is on hold. Moving ahead with dream projects are on hold. Jeremy has my complete and full attention at the moment.

I’ve never worked so hard in my life. I don’t even eat sugar or drink alcohol much anymore because it might affect my mood and I just don’t have time to slow down. I do many of my workouts at home with hand weights, pushups and lunges because I know I need to be strong for this journey.

My son has made me into a better person. His challenges that he had early on due to a premature delivery has made us all work harder in our life. But I see a remarkable person developing right in front of me. He’s smart about nutrition and exercise. He understands the value of hard work. He sees that when he eats well and exercises that people comment positively on his body. He has such in depth knowledge of historical bible characters from the cartoons, that he often shares pearls of wisdom with me from the leaders of the Bible. He understands that everyone is a little bit the same like that we all have skin, eyes and hair, and that we’re all a little different, in our attitudes, beliefs and actions.

I feel honored to have a child that has had challenges in life out of the gates. He changed my attitude of entitlement to one of hard work and commitment and devotion. I would never give up the last several years of incredible struggle and learning that we’ve gone through. Now I know what it takes for him to have a good day. It takes muscle work, good food to feed his body, reading to him, being with him and loving him.

Sensory Processing Disorder is a situation that can cause families to be in crisis and have chaos. When the kids are whiney and uncomfortable and mom and dad aren’t sleeping, the whole family life is turned upside down. There is hope though, and I hope one day I’ll be able to say that all of my discoveries are things that worked over the long haul, but for right now, they seem to, and I’m going to continue to integrate our OT, healthy eating and nurturing of my son into our daily routine.

After all, I’ve never met another person who I thought was more worth it… than my son.

Miracle Cold Cure

2008-01-04T12:12:00.000-05:00

I am so sick of seeing so called experts in the media say that overdosing on Vitamin C doesn’t work!! I’m living proof, and so is my husband who have been doing this to battle every sniffle or upper respiratory thing that comes along.

I love the ones at Whole Foods, the chewable wafers that taste like candy. They have Passion Fruit, Peach or they have a Blueberry, Blackberry one that is just as good. I take them all through out the day. Each wafer is 500 mg and the cold or the sniffle or whatever it is, is gone within hours.

Last year I had cold after cold after cold. This year, I’ve fought them all this way and haven’t had one cold.

I just had to say this, in the midst of cold season.. get these yummy vitamin C’s and you’ll be enjoying the winter instead of suffering from it!!

Happy New Year 2008!

2008-01-01T13:01:00.001-05:00

Did you make your goals? Have you thought about what you hope will happen this year? Have you thought about the lifestyles changes you hope to make and the new people you’d like to meet? Have you thought about the financial goals you’d like to have and the different hobbies you’d like to explore? Have you proclaimed that this year is absolutely going to be your best year yet?

I’m actually not making new years resolutions this year. Statistics show that less than 10% of people keep their resolutions anyway, so I’m just going to continue on the path that I’m already on.

My biggest challenge and opportunity in our lives is our health. We’ve been studying and learning about nutrition and reading about the lack of vitamins in our diet. We’re adding Omega 3,6, 9, Flaxseed Oil, and removing dairy as much as possible. I’m now drinking Almond Milk, and my son is drinking goat milk. My husband isn’t drinking any. We’ve switched to goats butter and cheese or sheep or lambs cheese for the most part. I feel fortunate that my son actually LIKES goats milk

We’ve noticed that by eliminating sugar, our mood is better, so we’re all conscious of this. Alcohol has lost its appeal now because it makes me tired, and so I’ve replaced my glass of wine with sparkling water in wine glasses. I still feel like I’m getting a treat but it’s not making me fall asleep before the end of the night.

This change has been going on for the past few months. It’s a slow process.. VERY slow process. I can imagine why setting goals and then failing is the norm. It’s difficult to change a habit, especially if you don’t have support, education, the tools, the new products or food, or whatever you need to accomplish it. It takes time to know how to THINK like this new person, and learning how to think properly takes learning, which takes reading or talking with others, which takes time. And time is the thing that we’re all short on.

My husband gave each other books on Health, nutrition, and aging gracefully for Christmas, and we’re both enjoying trading information back and forth. I’m even enjoying shopping for some friends in NYC who want the health but don’t have the time to research it. So, I’m putting together a care package for them. I don’t know a lot yet, but over the past few months it is comforting to know that I have learned a few important health tips, and that we have integrated them into our lives.

Keeping my attitude positive and having a grateful heart is another thing I’m attempting. I know that I need structure and systems around this as well. I have had the conversation with my son that we can FLIP our attitude at will. When it starts to go south, that we can chose at that minute to FLIP IT, and start looking at the things in my life that ARE going well. It becomes a habit to do this, but I do know another thing: if I’m chemically doped up on sugar, then there is NO CONTROLLING it. The chemicals in my body have control then, and this is the MAIN reason why we’ve dropped sugar out of our diet. I was tired of losing my temper, feeling lousy, lazy, angry or depressed. And since I’ve dropped the sugar, I’ve felt SO much better. These last few days that I let it slide, I could definitely feel that I became sluggish. I didn’t have stress, so there was no anger. So I’m guessing that stress + sugar = uncontrollable emotions. I’ve shared all of this with my son, and when I have done the “anger” thing, he has called me on it: “Mommy, you must have had sugar!” Out of the mouths of babes!!!

Besides monitoring my diet, In order to keep me moving forward positively, I need support!!! So, last night, I spent a few hours searching the internet for fun quotes that I thought would make an impact on me, and so I’m offering that to you, as a free service from me. All you have to do is go on my site and sign up. The authors of the quotes are Oprah, Dr. Phil, Joel Osteen, Groucho Marx, Lauren Bacall among other famous people I like. Some are just interesting or challenging quotes. I hope you like them as much as I do.

I’ve learned one thing in the past few years by setting huge goals and then not reaching them. Life definitely has a way of kicking you in the face sometimes, and that it takes so much strength to fight back. It takes support from others to have strength to have faith that you’ll get back on track, it takes a lot of humility that doesn’t come without struggles, and it sometimes takes getting on your knees and begging for help. Slowly, slowly, and mysteriously, somehow, things come around, and you start to heal and start to learn something new and start to improve your situation.

This year, I do resolve to let people know how much I care for them and appreciate them. I pray that I can be a source of hope and faith for others, and perhaps add in some joy. This will be my goal this year.

I wish for you the very best this year. I don’t wish for you that it will all be easy, because then you won’t become the powerhouse that you were meant to be, but I do hope you have moments of pure joy, down times with friends, and interesting and enlightening conversations. I also wish for you the gift of laughter, and the ability to share that with others.

May we all learn to live with a grateful and forgiving heart. May you continue to look inside to see what you can offer others, and how you can positively impact those in your life. May God bless everyone!

It All Comes Down to Love

2007-12-30T09:40:00.000-05:00

My excuse was the holidays. With all of the hustle bustle , I just didn’t notice. Throwing cookie parties, shopping, going to the post office, waiting for news about my sister in laws baby delivery, buying birthday gifts + tons of Christmas gifts, finding clothes for mass, seeing friends, etc.. I just didn’t notice.

“She’s just getting old”, I thought.. “it’s typical for her age.”

Whatever my excuse, I finally realized, my dog Mallory wasn’t quite right. I’ve probably known intuitively for a long time. Her breath remained bad even though she’s on a good diet, and her hind legs began to shake a few months ago. She did appear to be losing weight and her food stayed there often but she always had a ton of energy when we came home and when it was time for her daily walk.

But I should have known. She’s got a liver disease. It’s the same one her mom, brother and sister died from within the past few years. When I got her weighed at the vet, I was surprised to find out she'd lost over 10 lbs. Her long hair hid it for so long.

When I finally got the test results back, the vet told me to come right in and we’d start the IV. I dropped everything, got dressed and came in. I couldn’t even cry because she hates stress and can’t stand anyone yelling or crying. I promised I’d remain strong for her.

Friends responded quickly to my urgent plea for prayers and asking support for Mallory. We spent two days between my husband and me, at the Vet while she got the IV. She came home with us at night with it, because I didn’t think she’d make it without us. She gets terribly depressed when we’re not around.

I brought my books, my blackberry and my journal and Sway had his computer when it was his turn. But, Mallory liked it best when I sang to her and hugged her and pet her. I sang her a song I made up, “Jesus loves the little doggies”. I think she particularly liked that one. I had to continue to reassure her when she tried to pull out the IV with her teeth.

The technicians and the staff said we were troopers for camping out. But I have no idea what other people would do? Would they leave their dog there? A hospital is a lonely place. I know, I’ve stayed in one for a month when I had my baby. (Truth be known, I got a ton of work done, watched a lot of great movies and enjoyed my time there with the exception of all of the tubes and such!)

But being with Mallory, sitting, laying on a bean bag trying to get comfortable with my pinched nerve in my back, there wasn’t anywhere else that we’d rather be. Love is love. It doesn’t matter if its your dog or a baby or a friend. If you love someone, you’ll do what you can to help them feel better and survive whatever they’re doing through.

Mallory will be on her 3rd day of an IV today at home. We'll take turns. The vet is a personal friend so she'll probably come over and deliver more fluids for us. My mom came over at 5am this morning to help us change the bad but for some reason it wouldn't work.

We'll do what we can do for Mallory to make her comfortable and to give her the best chance at a good life. If it becomes unbearable for her, I'd rather have her out of her misery. I can't stand to see her suffer. I want her to have a good quality of life and not one where she's in pain. I only want the best for her because I love her.

It all comes down to love.

Mary's comment:
Sadly, Mallory died about a week after this post. Sway and I worked hard to keep her alive. We consulted with a homeopathic doctor, and our vet. We administered IV's to her for 5 days 24/7. We sat with her at the vet and at home and when she stopped eating, we syringed fed her for about a week both day and night. We were mentally and physically exhausted. When we realized that nothing was going to cure her, we decided to have her put to sleep. We did it because she no longer wanted to be around anyone and she no longer wanted to eat.

We cried and criedd and didn't tell our son for a full day so we could be more controlled. When we told him he said that his "heart was cracking." I think we all felt like that.

We will always fondly remember Mallory - "Clew Bay Key West Wind" Our darling wonderful pet and friend.

Fun Christmas Activity

2007-12-11T13:10:00.001-05:00

Do you remember how it was when we were all growing up in our neighborhoods? Remember running to each others house, or being outside and playing one of the many games like kick ball, mother may I, Red light, Green light, or pickle, with the tons of kids who lived in the neighborhood? Remember staying outside until the street lights came on and then coming in for dinner and then going right back out after dinner was over?

Times have changed of course. People say that kids are all inside watching TV and on the computers but what they forget is that the moms are having to work and can’t sit outside to make sure their kids aren’t being kidnapped or molested. We are living in a different day and time, but that doesn’t prohibit us from dreaming that our kids will somehow get to experience the fun times that we experienced when we were kids.

Well, yesterday, they did get to experience it. And what a ball it was!

I happened to make about 6 batches of sugar cookies and had a lot of cookie decorating sprinkles left over from last years TV tour. So, I called some of the parents and invited them over yesterday afternoon and spontaneously asked some of the other kids walking by if they could come over for a little cookie decorating party. By 5PM we had about 10 kids and 3 other adults. One of my gal friends brought some snacks while I provided the beer, and everyone had a great time decorating the cookies. The mounds of icing that was piled up on the cookies was a bit gross, but the kids never tired of eating the cookies, the icing and then running throughout the house and front and back yard, chasing each other and having a great time.

It was fun for all of us parents to see our kids have so much fun together. The kids were enjoying being kids and getting to have a party of their own. I kept the cookies churning out and the adults with drinks, and had lots of help from my friends who monitored the cookie decorating. We took lots of pictures and had Christmas music in the background. A perfect afternoon!

Some times, we just have to recreate what we remembered what was so fun for all of us as kids. It’s like that story of living in the dash. When a person dies, they have the years they lived from their birth date until the date that they die. In between those two dates is a dash. And it’s that dash that is the most important… how they lived every day.

Yesterday was a dream come true for me. I was able to create a day of carefree fun for my child and all of his neighborhood friends. It wasn’t packed full of activities that they had to do, nor were we running from place to place trying to fill our schedule. We had a simple day at home, with a bunch of cookies, some sprinkles and lots of kids.

I always wanted to be the fun mom when I grew up.. the one who had everyone over and had the fun house. And yesterday I was that mom. It was a perfect day of laughter and friendship and creativity. And I know we need more days just like that one.

My mind is now spinning with the possibilities with art projects, craft projects, cooking afternoons, or even having a neighborhood play. I have dozens of Halloween costumes, and I can just see it now… with all of the kids dressing up!!

The fun times.. we just have to let them happen sometimes. Give the kids some tools and let them get involved with it. These are the memories that they’ll bring into the future, and try to recreate for their children one day. And the most interesting thing, is that these memories the kids are getting, gives such satisfaction to the parents.

Time to create more memories… the bus is almost here!

The Walk

2007-12-11T12:47:00.000-05:00

Sway and I have started a ritual that we’ve done before and now is a valued part of our day and our life. We take a morning walk.

I have to admit, this is the time of year that we’re so eternally grateful to be living in Central Florida. It’s about 65 degrees in the morning and just blue, blue skies. We take the dog and we walk about the 2 small lakes that are near our house and we run into neighbors and say hello to other couples who are taking their morning walk.

When we lived in Princeton, NJ, we’d walk along Lake Carnegie and we’d both take the time to coach one another. One would talk on the way up the lake and the other would listen and then we’d switch and let the other talk while the other coached and listened. It was so great to just process the day before and to plan the day ahead. For many years then, we walked in Central Park in NYC and now, we walk the beautiful neighborhoods in Winter Park, where we now live.

I find that in today’s world, which is so crazy busy all of the time, that it’s hard to take the time to connect with my husband. When we’re home, I’m usually doing laundry, or cleaning something or making dinner or putting Jeremy in the tub or to bed. Sway is usually doing something on the “honey do” list or at his computer, returning emails that are urgent from one of his companies. Every morning, one of us is up and at the YMCA at 5:30 to meet our work out partners, and Sunday, is really the only day we get to sleep in. We’re both working hard to maintain a balanced lifestyle, and that means that we HAD to find time to connect with one another.

The walks have now become something we both look forward to. On days that he has an early morning meeting or has to interview someone, he can’t go on the walk, but our dog Mallory is forever faithful and will start barking at me to take her. If I have an early morning client, then Mallory usually gives up and heads to the back to hang out on her favorite chair. But nothing takes the place of a walk for her. That is “it” for her.

Today we said hi to a gal who I’ve met a few times on my walks and we talked about the differences of the prep schools versus the Catholic school versus the public schools here in Winter Park. It was a great perspective that we hadn’t heard before. So, I’m guessing that on our next walk, we might discuss that as an option for our child one day. Today we discussed what to do over the holiday and who we need to buy gifts for. It is usually simple conversation, but so very important to our lives.

For those of us who work, and get those 2 minute conversations with our mate throughout the day, taking time to walk is a great addition to the day. Not only are we getting a bit more exercise than normal, but we’re connecting as friends. I’ve found that that is so important during our busy lives, which are filled with stressful moments.

Try the walk. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Family Matters

2007-11-26T15:28:00.001-05:00

We just arrived home from a delightful absolutely perfect Thanksgiving holiday weekend. It’s been a busy month with lots of travel for work but this was all play and no work. We spent the time with my brother and his family in Easton Maryland.

It was beautiful. The first few days were warm weather and then the cold hit in the middle of the day on Thanksgiving. My family and my brothers family traveled an hour and a half to Ocean City Maryland to spend the day with my sister in law’s brother and his family. Their home is like a bed and breakfast on the water and with about 10 kids under the age of 8 running around, the day was full of activity. We had dozens of dishes to choose from along with all of the traditional holiday fare.

Just being with my brother and his family was such a great time. Each of us must have had about 5 super long, ridiculous belly laughs a day. We laughed at the stupid inside jokes that were from years past and silly things we did and said to each other that no one else in the world would get. We talked about serious things such as raising children and how to keep a marriage alive and well. We shared our opinions and our beliefs, and we tried to find solutions to any of the problems that we were facing. We shared business ideas and successes along with our failures.

We watched the kids enjoy hours upon hours of playtime together and we pulled them apart when they had melt downs. We got to go see the cousins at swim practice and run in a 5K the day after Thanksgiving. We went shopping for Black Friday at 5am at Walmart, and we fell asleep while watching silly movies in front of the TV and the warm fire. We opened presents and saw the joy that the little ones felt at their new gifts. The older kids, the teens, contained their enthusiasm, but were equally thrilled with receiving early Christmas gifts. I made sure the whole family was outfitted in Auburn University wear, and that their two teens, who are swimmers, now own Auburn Swimming wear.

Over the week, We cooked together, we laughed together, and we shared. It was a week of lots of down time, and lots of issues were discussed and solved. Together in each of our own way, we touched each others lives, hopefully for the better.

Each time we spend time with our relatives, memories are created. They’ll last a lifetime, and the discussions and decisions that are made as a result, will have life time implications.

I’m so grateful that we have a place to go where drama is nil, and the fun is a priority. It’s a blast to not have to put on airs and to talk about what really matters most in life. It’s comforting to know that if there are problems and concerns that there is a place to really talk to figure it out.

It’s important to nurture relationships like these. It’s expensive to make the effort but costly not to. These relationships make life solid and grounded. It’s family that have known you for your whole life and who know the good and the bad parts of you, and who accept you anyway. Even when there is friction, there is comfort to know that it can be gotten through without any long term damage.

Family matters; especially in this very busy life that we all lead. It’ nice to slow down and to just “be” and to be accepted and to accept others just as they are.

I’m so glad we made the investment because truly, Family does matter!

Nurture Your Soul.. and Go Outside!

2007-10-28T10:06:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I was one with nature! And what a feeling it was.

A few weeks ago some good friends, Bruce and Ellen Fagan asked us to join them for a picnic and some horseback riding in Geneva Florida scheduled for Sat. Oct. 27. They invited another super fun couple and their kids as well, Chad and Christy Crawford. We all planned on meeting up around 1 and having a day in the sun.

Unfortunately for us, the sunny Florida day was more like a typical day in Seattle. It was rainy and cloudy and a bit chilly. Still, we got a bit of riding in after our delicious lunch of Sloppy Joes and fruit salad. Everyone got a turn in the ring with the owner Renee teaching and coaching.

The kids were walked around in a small corral and most everyone got on one docile white horse that didn't t have a lot of "kick". She was tame and sweet and it took everything for the adults to get her to get up to a trot. She was perfect for a first time rider.

(Of course, when I arrived, I had on my “Coyote Ugly” tank shirt, jeans and my cutest cowboy boots. I walked and talked like I was some sort of western wrangler and told Renee, the owner that I had ridden a lot in my life but I still needed some direction. Okay, I have to say, that I FEEL like I’m a cowgirl inside.. I KNOW I love and relate to animals and they mostly love me, and I know that I ADORE being in the wild outdoors more than anything besides being in NYC. But the REALITY is.. is that I’ve been stuck in the “BURBS” for the past 7 years and haven’t explored much of the outdoors besides my own back yard, and a few parks here and there. And, those cute cowboy boots? Well, they’re about 15 years old and look like they’re brand new. So, while I know who I am on the inside, the reality hasn’t fit that picture for many years. But, after yesterday, I’m bound and determined to get back to my true, authentic self, and get back to riding and being comfortable on a feisty horse.)

So, Renee, seeing my ol’ comfortable horsy looking self, she saddled up JACK, a beautiful chestnut horse, with the most beautiful brown eyes. I told Jack that I was just getting comfortable again and to be easy on me, but he decided to test me anyway. I did a few boring circles around the small corral and then took it out to the larger ring. That’s where we did a little trotting, some cantering..and wwwwwhhhhhhhooooooaaa…. Oh my gosh.. some very intense galloping for about 5.2 seconds before I told ol’ Jack to HOE.

Which he did. Whew. I survived that little intense gallop that Jack threw at me to test my will to stay on him while he exploded in a fast gallop underneath me.

Okay, so I was a tad bit nervous, but I also felt the saddle under my legs, and the rain pouring on my wet jeans and water rolling down my face and bare arms and I felt FREE, FREE, FREE. It was the most incredible knowing that I just have to be out with the animals. I love rubbing them down and talking with them and telling them how beautiful they are. I love looking in their eyes and seeing them talk back to me through their eyes and how they respond to me.

Then, I loved seeing my son play in the dirt with the other kids, and climb the fence to pet the horses. He loves the animals too and feels 100% comfortable in their presence. I know that I have to get him out there more, and let him roam around and feel the breeze and the dirt and what it feels like to be one with a horse when you’re riding and you move together as you roam the countryside. Ahhhh.. it’s a beautiful experience.

No wonder I always loved cowboy movies! They’re doing what I want to do!

After we all brought the horses in because of the rain, I set myself up on an old tractor acting like I owned the place. I kicked back and relaxed and looked around the barn and thought, I am at home. I love it here. This is apart of who I am, and a part of me that I want to see more of. I want to nurture that ol’ wild girl in me… the one who wants to go on trail rides and explore the earth up close. This is a part of old Florida, and not one this suburban mommy gets to explore often. It was just incredible and I expect to be there more especially since Renee has tempted me with the thought of some off country trial rides!

Renee’s place is Court Ranch in Geneva Florida, next to Sanford. It’s straight up 17-92, and then East on 46 until Cochran road. Then it’s 1 ½ miles of paved road and 1 ½ miles of a dirt road until you arrive. She boards horses and she has room for 21 horses. She’s got 10 of her own and will board more horses now that she’s sold some. She’ll take couples on romantic trail rides and entertain kids in smaller birthday parties. Her favorite is to host adults who want to get back to nature a bit and just want to be around horses. Ranches like hers always need ranch hands, so helping out is also a fun way to be around the horses.

Boarding a horse is about $500 a month and Renee says that the horses “get fed before she does”. She’s been known to stay up all night taking care of a sick horse, and she treats them just like family. Her stables are beautiful and there are incredible trails available to go out and explore. Renee, who is Kansas born and bred, is a lot of fun and was incredibly patient with each of us, even me.. as we got reacquainted with the horses. She showed me how to take off the bridle and put on the one for the stall. She was great to hang with, and I believe, is sitting on a gold mine. I’d love to share this experience with my friends.

For more information about her ranch and boarding a horse or weekend daily riding fees with Renee, contact her at (407)468-2783 or email her at reneecourt@yahoo.com. She’s 560 S. Cochran Road, Geneva, FL, or “God’s country” as I call it.

Do One Thing Right

2007-10-10T09:18:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I was driving in the car with my 7 year old son. These are the times when we have some of the most interesting conversations. He comes up with such richness that sometimes I am just blown away. Are all kids this smart? Where does he get this stuff? Are kids naturally wired to have wisdom and the world somehow takes it away as they grow older?

Yesterday I was talking with Jeremy and we got onto the topic of success. We discussed how he was “naturally gifted” at several things. I shared with him what I knew about him. I do it to naturally reinforce his strengths, and to show him areas where he needs work. I told him that he is naturally a good builder and a good designer. He’s good with coloring and with drawing and creating things. He’s a great communicator and has a lot of friends, both boys and girls. He’s a really good athlete and can do every sport well such as golf, soccer, swimming, basketball, skateboarding and probably every other sport he’ll try. I told him that he’s really smart in math, and a really good writer and he’s becoming a good reader. He’s a really great cleaner and makes his bed better than I could ever dream of doing. Things like that.

Then I said that he needed work on a few areas. Like when it’s time to finish something, he needs to get better at putting it away immediately and coming back to it later. He needs to work on obeying his mom and dad better when we ask him to do something. And he needs to work on healthy eating again like he used to do.

Then I said that he’s really fortunate that he’s naturally good at things, but what is really important is that when he’s NOT good at something, that he needs to work to try to do better. That might be frustrating and he might want to give up, but that the harder he works, the better he’ll get at it. I told him that being smart is good, but that it doesn’t mean ANYTHING if he’s not able to work hard on things.

And what Jeremy said surprised me. He said.. right mom. It’s important that you work hard, and only on one thing. Because if you work on this and this and this and this and this, than nothing is going to be very good. But if you work on one thing and keep working on it, you’ll make that one thing good and then you can go on to the next thing that you want to work on.

BINGO. He got a huge high five from me.. and although I know that I need to focus on one thing, it’s increasingly hard in these days where there are so many distractions. But out of the mouths of babes!!! He is absolutely right. Pick out a priority and keep working at it until it’s done.

Back to my ONE THING. But this was so special, I had to post it. Hope it is a good reminder to you today as well.

Finding your Purpose will Light you Up

2007-10-04T15:26:00.000-04:00

This week I had a coaching client who called me about helping him get direction in his career, and to figure out a strategy to market his business. He just sent his son off to college and was now redirecting his energies from the constant role of father to the role of entrepreneur. This individual has great opportunities as a high level professional, however, every single time he talked about it, it was if the light in his face went out.

In my program, the Intensive Executive Workout, I spend several hours with my client hearing about their career and their vast experience. We identify their strengths and their weaknesses through assessment tests before hand, and set a goal of what we’d like to accomplish. When we talk, I ask questions that open up a lot of discussion around topics that really seem to light up the client. In this particular case, the client had spent many years traveling in a network marketing company as an executive. He was able to deliver speeches all over about the company and loved the aspect of sharing the message of the company.

Constantly, he’d come back to stories about his son or about things he learned about being a father. Throughout the day, we bounced around from professional marketing plans, to public relations to his experience. It was so evident by the end of the day, that the best way for him to increase his business was through speaking. I helped him identify some of his values that were consistent throughout his life of teaching, inspiring, learning, motivating and transformation. We then applied these values to different groups that he could inspire from kids to church to professional. The last idea that I had that came at the very end of the day, was that he’d be a great leader to other fathers, to teach them about how to be a dad.

At that moment, this man’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. He grinned so big and said, “I’m just a dad who loves his son.” His words were so sincere and so beautiful and I could just see him at that moment on stage ready to deliver a message to thousands of people and how they’d love him for his humbleness and his pure and authentic heart. At that moment, I got tears in my eyes and knew, that we were on to something special.

Since our coaching, my client has said that he hasn’t had this much hope in his career for the past many years. He’s excited about the opportunities for what lies ahead. I’m so thrilled that together, we partnered to find a new purpose for his life, and one that lights him up.

What about you, does your purpose get you out of bed early in the morning and ever keep your head buzzing? Do you know that you’d do this even if you couldn’t make money at it, that you know that you have a special gift to share with the world?

My client admitted he could go get a job making great money, but inside he’d be dead. He knew that he was here to do something different but just didn’t know what it was. He’s now on his way. Are you?

Taking a Leap of Faith into Entrepreneurship!

2007-09-12T09:34:00.000-04:00

Anyone who has watched the hit show The Big Idea by Donnie Deutch, has to have stayed up wondering, “What is my big idea? What am I going to do to really make an impact on the world to make it a better place and to help my family in the process?” It’s an exciting show that is full of practical advice from people who have reached success as an entrepreneur.

Today I met entrepreneur who kind of stood out from the usual looking lawn maintenance man. His truck was clean, new and white, and his equipment in the back looked like it was all carefully taken care of and well maintenanced. His clothes were that of a high end athlete and from looking at him, the guy had a confidence in him that shined from the inside.

After calling over this man who was busy trimming hedges to ask for his business card, we struck up a conversation. The man, Chad Bell, is living his dream. He’s a former successful college track coach who spent 20 years coaching all over the country at major universities. Then, after he decided to get out of that, he moved to Boise Idaho and became a stock broker working for Morgan Stanley. He did so well as a novice, they moved him out of the pit that they put all of the new hires in to see if they can make it dialing 100 potential customers a day, that he was given a corner office with a great view. He overlooked the Greenway, which is a place where people are running and riding bikes and enjoying the beautiful weather. That alone was getting him thinking about how he could transition out of an office environment to the outdoors and then one day, something dramatic happened that changed his life! He saw a guy mowing a lawn for his job and he had the biggest smile on his face. Chad stared at that guy and all of a sudden something clicked inside of him. He went home that night and told his wife that he knew he had to change, and that he had been enjoying working in his own yard so much, that now he wanted to do it for other people.

After speaking with him for just a few minutes, it was clear that he had made the right decision. The yard in front of me was beautiful, and this guy who took care of it seemed genuinely happy. I shared with him that I’m also following my dream and my passion of hosting a TV show and he encouraged me as well.

It’s such a pleasure meeting someone who has found his own definition of success. It’s clear that he has made good money, but he hasn’t made that his internal focus. He knew that for him, he loved being outdoors, and he loves helping people make their yards look great.

Ask any older person how quickly life passes you by. There are songs written about it and commercials that say that ‘life comes at you fast’. We should all know that by now. But the question is, are we making the most of our lives? Are we suffering in silence and putting up with things in our lives that aren’t good for us? Are we living in a relationship or a job that isn’t holding us to the highest standards? Or are we living the life that we were meant to live, and living our bliss every day?

I’m voting for living my bliss. I may not be there every day, but I’m working hard to do that. I want healthy relationships that are fun and encouraging, and I want to work with clients who challenge me and that I like.

Life is too short not to enjoy it. Go ahead. Take the leap of faith…whatever that is.. to follow your bliss. And remember: “sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and build your wings on the way down.” (Kobi Yahama)

Try Something New

2007-08-31T21:05:00.001-04:00

Traveling to different cities is an opportunity to see how others live their daily lives. Anywhere you go people are busily conducting their daily activities that make up the bulk of their lives. They hustle to work, pick up kids from day care, rush to dance or karate class and then pick up groceries at the store and head home to put dinner on the table. After dinner and baths and homework, the TV is a common companion and a welcome relief to those who have been working all day. That is when it’s time to kick back and not have to think, and just enjoy the process of being entertained.

This week while in NYC visiting one of my regular clients, I was invited to travel to Brooklyn to meet a new associate. She had a few hours and traveling into the city wasn’t likely to happen for her. I had more time on my hands that day so I offered to take the train ride to Brooklyn and visit her.

I had been to Brooklyn once before when my husband took me there to visit his childhood home. But it wasn’t the Brooklyn that I visited this week or had heard about for years before. He showed me parks and beautiful row homes and his elementary school. No, this Brooklyn was a whole new experience from the second I arrived!

The train took about an hour to reach the end of the B line, and then I departed at Brighten Beach. It was the home of the movie Brighten Beach and the home of Coney Island. When I departed from the B train, and walked down the stairs I was greeted by tons of new sights and sounds. It was different from Manhattan, although there were clearly similarities because it also had a variety of stores lining the streets. But right over head, is the train that rumbles through the whole city every few minutes. The sound is deafening and you either have to yell or stop talking when the train is overhead.

Both sides of the streets were lined with dozens of stores that had everything you could imagine in them. Jewelry, purses, clothes, toys and electronics! There were street vendors with home made Danishes and Russian delectable’s. Upon entering the store, the first thing you notice is that the prices were shockingly cheap. The selections were 100x more than what you’d find at stores in the suburbs. The first store I went in was a combination of a department store and a discount store. I noticed every color of female under garments lining the wall. I have never seen such a selection with such a variety of colors! There were about 10 shades of different colored pink, green, purple, blue, tan, cream, orange, aqua, yellow, orange and red bras in every size. The quality wasn’t at all bad but the prices were $3-$5 when most stores might sell the same item for 5x as much! The pajamas were darling and colorful and prices beat any Marshals, TJ Max or Target anywhere in the US. For $6.99 you could purchase the pants and top with different colors, designs and patterns.

Everything everywhere was cheap! The water bottles were less than a buck and the street vendors were selling their items all for about $1-$2.

I arrived a few minutes before my friend so I had a few minutes to browse around and then went to the assigned corner to wait for her. I informed her that I was wearing a red top and black pants. I realized that I stuck out like a sore thumb. Not many people wear that bright of colors in NY which I forgot when I was packing my bag early on the morning that I left town. As I stood there, a myriad of people walked by and were conducting their lives as they do every day.

A group of young guys were standing a few feet from me. It was obvious that their favorite past time was hanging and watching the girls walk by. Each time one that caught their attention walked by, the whole group stopped their conversation and followed her with their eyes while she continued down the street. Then, one of the guys started clapping to the beat that was apparently only in his head and started dancing to the beat of his hands. He grooved to his own music for a few minutes while the other guys kept up their exchange with one another. Another group of ladies were consumed with their own conversation and standing in the middle of the sidewalk and even blocking traffic. I had been standing their first but I ended up moving because people had to walk around them and the back pack that hung on one of the gals backs.

While I was standing on the corner, looking up and down the street trying to find my new friend who was coming back from a funeral and wearing all black, some young guys in a car sitting at the light about 8 feet from where I stood blared out using a megaphone: YOU LOOK LOST. I looked at them and started laughing at them and said, “I’m looking for my friend and I don’t know what she looks like. Can you yell for Marianna?” So without missing a beat, all of a sudden, in a booming voice, I hear, “MARIANNA, YOUR FRIEND IS LOOKING FOR YOU, MARIANNA, YOUR FRIEND IS LOOKING FOR YOU.” I laughed and they laughed as they drove away and then I was back with all of the people who were surrounding me, lost in their own conversations and enjoying the beautiful day in Brooklyn.

On the corner was an ice cream truck with the soft ice cream cones which can get dipped in delicious chocolate and toppings for an extra 50 cents. When my friend arrived, we indulged in an ice cream cone and started on our walk towards the boardwalk.

We walked a couple of blocks to the beach and boardwalk, took off our shoes and walked on the sandy beach. We sat down right on the sand and ended up talking and sharing for the next hour or so. The beach was full of people laying in the sun with a few people swimming in the mild surf. There were quite a lot of people with incredible bodies and it was evident that it was a cool place to show off your wears.

Through talking, we discovered that although she was of Russian descent, and I was a pure mixed American, we found so many similarities in our personalities, and life ambitions. We talked and talked and finally got up to go and search for the perfect gift for my son.

We walked around and did some window shopping, I saw items that I’d never seen anywhere. There was a flower store that had hundreds of beautiful dolls in the windows and the one that struck me as the one that was a “fairy” with beautiful shiny wings. I thought about my sister in law who collects fairies and thought that one day, that’d be the perfect gift for her. I found a gift for my son, a Batman car that has something that shoots out of it, and felt it was nearly perfect. We then walked her to the YMCA where she was conducting an acting class for a bunch of teenagers.

Everywhere around me people spoke in Russian. It’s a huge Russian community and I met many people who spoke no English whatsoever. When I asked for a bathroom, I had to speak with several people because no one knew that word. Finally, after pointing downwards, one gal asked, “Restroom?” I don’t know. I found that shocking.. with the thousands of people who walk up and down that block every day, she didn’t know where a ladies room was located. I ended up buying a cheese Danish from her and found a Walgreens with a ladies room and then headed to the train to head back to NYC.

What a fun trip it was! I was there for about 3 hours, but in that time, I was able to take a tiny peek into a whole new world of how these thousands and thousands of people live. It didn’t even seem like the U.S because hardly anyone spoke pure English. The food, the merchandise, and the culture all seemed so entirely different from what I’d experienced before. The women even looked different from American Women. They were fair skinned, with petite faces. They were very feminine and girlish which seemed different to me as well. It clearly had a very strong culture attached to this town, and it was such a joy to experience it and I felt alive with gratitude for the chance to be able to share a part of their lives for the short time that I did.

Sitting on the plane next to me is a lady of Russian descent who shrugged when I said how great Brooklyn was. She said, “naw.. it’s okay.” She said, it’s unique to you because you haven’t lived there for 27 years and I agreed. She’s on the way to Florida to pick up her 10 year old daughter who stayed with the grandmother for the summer. She’s excited with anticipation upon seeing her daughter so both of us held excitement in our attitude when we talked after sitting down. Me about her home town, and her about going to my home state!

What an advantage to be able to experience other cultures right here in the good ol’ U.S of A. I got a little taste of a bustling Russian community and enjoyed it very much. I realize that so often, I just go about in my daily life, visiting the same stores, and traveling the same path to my daily activities day after day. I listen to the same few radio stations, talk with most of the same people, and meet my associates at one of the 3 Starbucks in town. Most of us do the same, and every day that we do that, we’re living our lives. The days stacked together turn into weeks, the weeks into months, the months turn into years, and very rarely do we step out and drive intentionally out of our comfort zone and experience something new.

It was a wake up call to me. There are probably new places to visit within driving distance of my home. Perhaps this weekend, we’ll go somewhere new for the weekend instead of the usual beach we frequent. Perhaps we’ll attempt to do a new activity or try some different foods. Perhaps I’ll turn on some jazz instead of popular easy listening music and go to a different grocery store from my usual shopping stop. I want to live, and to explore the world, to keep my mind fresh with ideas, and open for opportunities of new experiences.

Brooklyn. The home town of my husband, now takes on new meaning. Now I have an experience of Brooklyn and that memory now lives in me.

Are you Being the Best You?

2007-08-12T15:45:00.001-04:00

I recently spent some time reading a good friend, Simon T. Bailey’s book, “Releasing Your Brilliance” (www.simontbailey.com) last night and it got me thinking along that path. Although I am a coach and work with individuals daily to find their inner wisdom, and to always build on their strengths, I often fail at reaching my own inner brilliance.

A visit to my mentor coach, Dwight Bain, (www.dwightbain.com) usually cures that. Dwight is working with me to focus on my strengths and not what drains me. My coaching session with Dwight made fireworks go off, and he challenged me to write the titles of my next 10 books. I’m happy to say that that exercise is done and I’m thrilled with what has developed.

I learned that we all have a fishing net that helps us capture opportunities or sales for our business. If there are holes in the fishing net, where systems aren’t set up, then you’re missing opportunities. I’ve got a few holes in my net, and part of that is wasting times on projects that aren’t profitable.

What I’ve been learning is that when you play many roles in many peoples lives, there are times that you just have to take a breath, slow down, and regroup. Sometimes, there are going to be moments of question in your mind, moments of doubt and moments where you think, is it all really worth it and is this what I really want anyway? Other times, you’ll think: “why did I just spend all that time doing that and it did absolutely nothing beneficial for me whatsoever”.

Sometimes, the roles we play will take on more importance and we have to walk away or say, “not now” to the other roles we take an active role in during part of our lives. For instance, for the past 2 weeks and this coming week, I’ve been letting the role of mom dominate my time. I’ve been school shopping, and reading to my son, and visiting the library and squeezing in last minute play dates and fun times so he has fond memories of this summer. As a result, I haven’t finished a few projects sitting on my desk, and have had to turn down some work that has come my way during this time. Do I want the money? Who doesn’t? But my “role” this week is to be the best mom I can, so the money coming in doesn’t make me a better mom.

I have other projects that are in the gestation stage and my partners’ excitement is fun but again, I have to evaluate it and ask myself: “does this fit in to my life right now and is it a priority for me”? My coach asked me to use the word: WIIFM – What’s In it For Me? He determined that I am a giver and often times give more than I’ve received. I have to agree that’s been true. As a result, I’ve been able to step away and look at the energy and time that will be given to that project, and what profit will it bring and will it feed my values? If not, then I have to say no, or not now to the project. If it does work in, then I can set up my systems so it benefits my business.

So now, I ask myself the question: “does this fill part of my net? Is this activity furthering my values or a project that I hope to finish?” If not, then I have to put the activity in my social time, or exercise or another value driven activity. If it fits nowhere, I have to ask, is this the right thing for me to do at this time in my life?

What about you? Are you spending time doing things that don’t fill your net? Are you wasting time or allowing it to drain away? Or are you spending time being with the people that fill you and doing activities that will aid you or others close to you in some way?

The challenge is to figure out what you want to accomplish. Is it to be the best mom in the world to your kids? What does that look like to you? If you were that, then what activities would you and your kids be doing? Would they be vegging out in front of the TV or computer, or would they be with you at the pool or exploring or learning a new activity? Do you want to be the top sales performer this quarter? How are you going to get there? Will it be by reading every single email that comes in your box or will it be to spend more time listening to motivational tapes?

This week, I’m being mom. I’m cooking, I’m nurturing, I’m reading, I’m exercising, and I’m shopping. I still have work to do, but I’ll be doing it after hours. Next week, I’ll be working on my products, and finding editors and writing and editing my book. I’ll start to set up meetings with potential business partners and alliances.

Next Saturday, August 18, 2007, I’ll be giving one of my favorite workshops: “Developing Your Inner Charisma” at The Knowledge Shop in Winter Park. (www.theknowledgeship.us) It’s Saturday from 1-4PM. When you see me there, I’ll be The Charisma Coach! I’ll be cheering the participants on, and helping them to see where their special brilliance is located. And I will know that I will be experiencing mine: helping others find what works for them. I will feel that special feeling of loving being a coach, and know, that I was the best mom that I could be all week, and that’s the best feeling to know… that I can do both!

WHAT I WISH I KNEW IN HIGH SCHOOL

2007-08-08T10:44:00.000-04:00

This was part of a letter that I wrote to a good friend who is entering 10th grade in high school this year. He shared with me that he has a “thing” for a gal and he’s not sure if she feels the same. I remembered all of those feelings of uncertainty and realized that as I aged, I looked back and wished I would have known a few things. That’s when I decided to write him and share some of my “wisdom” with him.

“Believe me.. you'll fall for so many people over the course of the next few years. And it's funny b/c the time goes SO slow when you're your age.. and if you date someone for 2-3 months it seems like an eternity.. but when you look back after you graduate from college or whatever.. when you're 25 years old.. you'll think.. oh my gosh.. where did the time go? You'll be 25 before you know it! And you're not going to change really from who you are now.. you are who you are... I still feel the same as when I was 15.. but I'm SO much wiser now... I wish I knew now what I knew then..

Stuff like: all of the kids are scared and nervous.. just the same as you.. and feel great some days.. horrible others... and to feel good is a choice.. that you have to choose every day to put on a good attitude.

That working hard will NOT kill you.. physically.. it won't kill you.. and mentally.. it wont' kill you.. and it feels GREAT to really, really work hard and do a job well done.

I wish I would have known that if a teacher sees you trying really hard and working hard.. they'll sometimes bump your grade up for the effort you put in.

I wish I would have shared my feelings with more people... and told them they were special to me..

I wish I could have known that you can divert your love feelings and pour your energy into friendships and doing productive things instead of day dreaming all of the time.

I wish I would have known that falling in love can hurt like nothing you’ve experienced before

I wish I would have found an older mentor to talk to about all of the confusing things in life

I wish that I would have studied harder.. not just crammed for tests, and have gone for a masters degree early on...

I wish I would have known that many of those guys I had a crush on.. had a crush on me too but no one had the guts to say anything..

I wish I would have branched out and done more stuff in high school... and held more leadership positions.

I wish I would have never been intimidated by anyone.. and if someone acted ugly to me.. I could just feel sorry for them.

I wish I would have known that if I would have taken the initiative to talk with people and made them feel comfortable, they would have been nice to me.

I wish I could have had the guts to not be embarrassed about my parents.. and that I could have thanked them for all they did for me instead of feeling like they were out to get me or make my life miserable.

I wish I would have gotten along better with my siblings.. instead of trying to get rid of them all of the time.

I’m glad I:
Chose good friends, those who didn’t drink or do drugs

I’m glad I had parents who cared to know who I was with and where I was at all times

I’m glad I hung around people who were creative in our outings – like playing hide and seek in the grave yard, and box sliding down the hills on the opposite side of the highway.

I’m glad I went on church retreats, and shared my heart and explored my relationship with God.

I’m glad I was on the swim team and competed and did well at the state level and won an All American award for the relay.

I'm glad my parents woke me up for 5:30am swim practice and drove me for 2 years straight

I’m glad I took home economics and learned how to cook and sew

I’m glad had the summers off and joined the local swim teams.

I’m glad I got extra tutoring in Algebra and Economics

I’m glad I met kids from other high schools so I wasn’t completely dependent upon socializing with the kids at my high school.

I’m glad I studied hard in my hardest classes and realized that I was pretty smart when I put forth the effort.

I’m glad I had a car my senior year

I’m glad my best friend had a car our Junior year!

I'm glad my best friend's brother had a car our sophomore year!

I’m glad I went away to college and went to a school where they have great school traditions.

I’m glad I’ve mostly had the courage to be myself and that I’ve always had the desire to improve and get better.

I’m glad I’ve always valued the most important thing in the world which are the relationships in your life.

Anyway.. always feel free to bounce things off of me.. I've been there.. I remember… and I’m always glad to help!”

Throw a Reunion for those you Care About

2007-07-25T11:12:00.001-04:00

Thirty years ago, I felt like a ROCK STAR!!! I had fans, friends and admirers. I was the queen of the ball, and the talk of the town. Okay, not really, but I was on a summer swim team where I felt incredibly loved and successful and from there, it was from there that I launched myself into the world.

Today I wrote a sentimental letter to about 10 people who I considered my closest friends from when I was a little kid. I reminded them of the fun relays we used to have, and the swim meets where we spent time unified as a team, and reminded my first boyfriend of our childhood dates to McDonalds. It was a simpler time then, when as 8 and 10 year olds, we could ride our bikes a couple of miles to the pool by ourselves, spend the whole day and come home for dinner. We’d stay and play after swim practice and our parents didn’t have a care in the world because they knew who everyone was and that all of us were being taken care of by the other parents.

Thinking back to the old times and to the people that we were has been a wonderful experience for me. None of us had really gone through any awkward social times by that time, and all of the boys and girls hung out with each other with no expectations and no agendas. I remember years later when my first boyfriend from 7th grade made fun of me in front of others in high school and I remember thinking that he had changed somehow, and that he was no longer the boy who I knew “way back then.” I publicly ignored his taunting, but it did hurt to know that we didn’t share that special friendship any more.

Then, he grew up and became a very successful and powerful professional in the Orlando area and someone I’d probably never have the chance to meet as an adult. But today in an email, I reminded him of whom he was when he was 9 years old, and who I was and I know that he smiled when he clicked the “send” button to let me know that he’d love to come to a swim team reunion.

Our coach was one of the most important people in my life. He believed in me and told me on the side of the pool one day that I could be anybody I wanted to be in life.. He told me that if I worked hard, if I wanted to swim in the Olympics, that I had the talent to do so. While that never came true, I still remember feeling special, and often credited him as the person who gave me that extra push in life.

Last night when I was reminiscing due to spending time at the “old” pool, but not seeing anyone have NEAR as much fun as we used to have, I decided to throw an old reunion for my former team members. So this morning I wrote to as many people as possible from the old team and reminded them of the good ol’ days. I wrote about the pizza parties, the relays, the late summer nights, the slumber parties, the swim meets and the pranks we pulled on each other. Then I told them that they were all very special to me, and that I’d love to see them again and suggested we have a reunion. I shared with them that I’ve been to too many funerals lately, and it seems that too many people share the same thought: “I wish I would have told him how special he was to me.”

So now, I sit at my computer anxiously awaiting the response. Will they think I’m incredibly corny? Will they be embarrassed for the stories I told? Will they want to forget those ol’ Happy Days and not live in the past? Or will they chuckle and for a moment, revert back to being a kid in their minds, and remember the great times we all shared and know that they wouldn’t miss this reunion for the world?

I’ll take a risk to be corny, and to be called mushy or whatever else they come up with for me after reading my invitation. I just feel content that I’m not waiting to let these people know how special they are, before it’s too late.

The Lazy Days of Summer???

2007-07-09T13:36:00.000-04:00

Ahhhh…the Lazy days of summer… I remember them well. I remember getting up when the mood hit, lounging around until lunch time when finally everyone gets dressed, eats and then jumps on the bikes to go to the neighborhood pool. We’d stay there all day and then when it hit 6PM we knew dad was on the way home, so we’d jump on our bikes and head home for dinner. The pool was open until 9PM so we’d eat and then go back to the pool to hang with our friends.

Remember the days?

Okay, anyone who is talking about being lazy during the summer these days isn’t raising kids. Or, perhaps they’ve rented a beach condo for the whole summer and trust all of the other people in their condo will look after their kids! And I’ve heard so many TV news anchors complain that we’re so lazy that we let our kids stay inside all day and watch video games and TV. They act as if we’re the ones who changed. Perhaps they’re right on some accounts, but not all.

Anyone who is raising kids these days has developed an eagle eye. We watch our kids like a hawk, in the stores, at the pool, and at the beach. No one would dare let their little boy go into a public bathroom anymore.. for fear of some crazy wacko who might be hiding in there to molest some innocent little kid for kicks. These weirdo’s might be hiding out anywhere, and as a mom to a 7 year old, we talk about the seriousness of keeping a very close eye on our kids. You have to know where they are at all times, and who they’re with. Even some of the people you know might be suspect. One of my friends’ daughters isn’t allowed to baby sit for one particular family any more because the father came on to her. She was 15. He was 38.

As a result of the current scary conditions of predators in our midst, the best alternative to kids sitting around at home is to put them in summer camp. Camp used to be just for rich kids, and lots of fun activities like horseback riding, water skiing and free swim time. But now, the camps are mini boot camps for serious athletes. My son has gone to two separate basketball camps and now he’s announced to me that he doesn’t want to play basketball any more. He’s in karate camp now and will receive his next belt by participating all week. That usually takes 2 months of practice 2x a week. I can imagine how difficult it’s going to be for me to get him to go back to karate!!!

I don’t have a judgment as to whether we had it better as kids or whether these kids do. Certainly the children now have more offered to them at an earlier age and they’re able to try many more sports and activities these days than we did. I’m a firm believer that kids should try everything and find something that suits their personalities. Also, then they’ve done it and don’t have a fear about trying it when they’re older. But I don’t think they have enough down time to run around and get into mischief like we did. We have to keep such a close eye on them at all times, that they’re constantly under the gun.

Last week, we visited a college roommate of mine who lives near the beach in north Florida. The kids all romped around their gated community like they owned the place. It was great to know that they were totally protected while we could just relax inside and not have to check in every few minutes. But alas, a gated community is no where to be found in these parts, and it doesn't quite fit our current lifestyle anyway.

I continue to hunt for that perfect summer routine. I may have to go to Michigan to find it, but one of these days, I’ll be sitting somewhere near a lake or beach, with my child somewhere that I don’t know, and I’ll feel 100% comfortable. I dream of the day!

Until then, it’s 7am wake up calls for 8am summer camps. No more lazy days for us!

The Joy of Helping Others

2007-06-13T01:58:00.000-04:00

One of my clients is getting successful, I mean really, really successful. He’s starting to get the hang of things that we are coaching about and people are starting to respond to him more and more. They’re not only responding to him, they’re actually cheering him on and trying to help him. These aren’t just typical clients either, they’re big, big clients.

When this sort of thing happens, it’s exciting and rewarding. As a coach, it’s the feeling that you always want to get, and when you do, you feel like a proud mama! It’s so cool to see that the strengths that you have, being played out in another person’s life.

Here is what happened. This particular client lives in the Midwest and is a really talented person at his job. He’s in the field of law and is the type who knows every statute and every resource that is available in his particular subject. He’s the “go to guy” when anyone else has a question and he’s always quick to help. The one problem however, is that he wasn’t bringing in the big clients. He was accustomed to helping his clients when they were there, but didn’t know how to go out and “attract” the clients for his firm.

Once working together and we started assessing where he had gotten all of the clients he currently had. Most of them came through other sources at the firm and the few that he did bring in, were referrals or were preexisting customers in other departments. We started looking at what sorts of customers were going to be long term clients and what sort of person and professional he needed to be in order to have the clients calling HIM instead of his customer.

Together, he outlined five clients who were big money makers for his firm. Then we created a strategy to develop them into RAVING FANS. (That’s one of my favorite sayings… because it completely causes a chuckle and also implies that work needs to be done, and great service given before any client becomes one of these) He reviewed each client representative and outlined their personalities and their hobbies, and went to work, getting to know each of them as people, not just as customers. We worked together to develop good coaching questions, and strategies to bring value to each of his clients as HUMAN beings, and things started to click with my client.

For one, he found a vacation spot suggestion that the client’s wife was seeking. For another, he created a solution to a business problem in the other firm by finding resources. One by one, my client began to listen to his clients about their “needs” as people, and he began to serve them as “people”.

The crazy thing is how fast things have turned around. Just by focusing on the PERSON instead of the business, my client was able to forge closer relationships with his clients. Now, it seems that he’s getting all sorts of invitations, from business to personal, and honestly, he’s jumping out of his shoes! (Okay, he’s not that type of person, but I know that inside, he’s really excited when we talk!) And now, other partners at his firm are taking notice. He’s getting more respect in meetings he feels and whether it’s because he has more confidence, or that he’s being noticed more, he doesn’t care. He’s happy with how things are going.

Every time I get off a call with him, I feel elated. It’s just so exciting to help another human being reach their potential and to celebrate their success with them. I want everyone to feel this great about their work, and to feel what it feels like to help others.

I read recently that the people that are most satisfied with their work are in professions that are in the “helping professions”. Physical therapists, psychologists, ministers and the like are among the happiest in their professions. They far outrank other professions that are higher paying, but have much more stress attached, including the law, and medical professions.

If each of us made it a goal to help someone else every single day, where would we all be? Hopefully in our jobs, we can strive to serve others to the best of our ability, but even in our daily jaunts to the store or to working out, we can look for opportunities to open the door for others, or to save them a trip inside by taking their shopping cart for them. These little things can add up to a life that is serving others continually.

And when we review our lives, even if we didn’t get the chance to be on Oprah, or to make a million dollars, we can feel confident that our lives mattered. They mattered because we were able to help others, and that’s the greatest feeling of all.

Each Decision Alters Your Life

2007-06-06T22:15:00.001-04:00

Have you ever gone back to your past and wondered, “what if I never left this place?” or “what if I would have married this guy or this girl… how would my life be different?”

This past weekend I went with my mom to her childhood ‘romping ground’ and met the relatives I hadn’t seen in 30 years. We flew to Kansas for my mom’s cousin’s 50th anniversary of being a priest and spent the weekend driving all over Kansas seeing my child hood home, seeing and meeting cousins, going to a nursing home to see an aunt, and even going through a grave yard to see the gravesites of relatives from long ago.

Much to my surprise, Kansas was lush and hilly and beautiful. It wasn’t the flat lands of corn fields like I imagined. It was a beautiful green country side, with rolling hills, lots of trees, charming houses and lots of land. My relatives, many who live out in the country, are wonderful people who are caring and just good and honest people. Their lives revolve around the church and they go to daily mass. They are the type of people who will help others at the drop of a hat and with whom you can sit around for hours and shoot the breeze.

At one point, I sat there and looked at all of these beautiful people sitting around the big table who were all happily talking with each other and wondered what my life would have been like had my parents not left Kansas when I was a little girl? I would have grown up in Kansas instead of in Florida. Would I have been a competitive swimmer? Certainly I still would have been athletic, but would I have found basketball or volleyball more my style in the Midwest than joining the swim team? Would I have gone to the University of Kansas instead of Auburn in Alabama? Would I be a die hard Kansas City Chiefs fan? Who would I have married? Who would my friends be? How would my life be different if I would have had such a close connection to my roots when I was growing up? Would I even look the same?

I contemplated this for a time, and spoke with my mom about this. We discussed that even in her life, her parents made decisions that altered her life and those of her brothers and sisters. We discussed that each time a person moves from one house to another, it brings new friends and neighbors, new jobs bring relocations, and decisions about school and career bring new people, places and attitudes to a person’s life. We finally concluded that every person’s life will be altered numerous times based on the decisions of parents, grandparents, friends and relatives as well as our own decisions.

When I mentioned that I was sad that I hadn’t grown up around relatives that were close to me, one of the cousin’s wives said something I found interesting. She said that when you grow up around relatives who are so close, you don’t develop that as many friends who are really close.

I found that very interesting because my husband and I have such great friends in all of the many places where we’ve lived. We’ve spent holidays with friends more than we did relatives and have always enjoyed getting to see how different families spend the holidays. Since I was away from my family for 20+ years of my adult life, we always spent holidays such as Easter, Halloween and Thanksgiving away. Thinking of it in a positive instead of a negative, I decided that it was right for us.

But still, the game I’ve played is “what if” and I’d take my life down a certain path in my imagination. What if I played basketball instead of swimming competitively? What if I grew up going to a Catholic high school instead of public? What if I would have had so many close relatives and not as many close friends? Would my life be different spending more time in the country than in the suburbs or the city? Would I be a different person growing up around my mothers’ relatives instead of my fathers’? What if I had never gone and lived in Washington DC and become a lecture agent? What if I would have never lived in NYC? What if I would have never even gone away to school? What sort of person would I be instead of the person that I am today?

I’ve concluded that while I’m not perfect, that my life has been perfect. Even all of the struggles that I’ve faced, decisions I’ve made, people I’ve met, and even with the things that I would like to change about my circumstances, I don’t think I’d change a thing. All of the experiences that I’ve had, has made me into the person I am today. I am a combination of all of the people I’ve met, the relationships I’ve had, the attitudes I’ve formed through the experiences that I’ve had, And, I have to say, I like who I am today. I’m an open minded, intellectually curious person, who is open to meeting and getting to know people from all walks of life. I’m not one to sit in the corner just with the people I know, but the one who will branch out and welcome others into the mix. I like people with different backgrounds than mine, and I like learning from them.

What I do know, is that I’m grateful that I come from such great “stock” as my mother says. I’m grateful that I have such amazing people to call “relatives” and happy that I felt a connection with these people who I have rarely seen in my life. I hope that I will maintain the relationships and stay in touch with them and make them apart of my life today.

And if I am to take away one thing from this experience, it’s that each one of us, regardless of where we come from, that we ultimately gets to chose who we become.

And I can feel grateful, my parents gave me roots, and then gave me wings.

The Greatest Lesson Often comes from the Smallest Among Us

2007-05-22T09:59:00.001-04:00

This morning and every morning, my 7 year old son and I hold hands while I’m driving him to school and we say our prayers. Every morning, I’ll pray for God to protect us, to bless us, to provide us wisdom to live as we should and for everyone in our lives including our friends and families.

This morning I got learned a lesson from my son. When it was his turn, he said in earnest, “I pray for the people in Georgia with the fires, for the people in ‘upper Florida’ and the fires, and for all of the animals who might be in the fires. I pray for all animals everywhere, and the ones that are sick and paralyzed. I pray for all of the people in hospitals, those who are in wheelchairs, and for the poor. “

At that moment, I couldn’t contain my tears. I realized that my prayers are for us, and for my family and friends. But I learned that my son, prays for animals and people that we don’t know. He’s sincerely asking God to take care of the weak in our world. I started asking myself, ‘who else is praying for these among us and how did my little boy become so compassionate towards these individuals who he doesn’t know, but who probably need more prayer than my immediate family?’

I learned a valuable lesson today. I learned that that there are people praying for us who we don’t even know. There are people like my son all over the world, praying for the weak, the sick and the hungry and these people don’t even ask a thing for themselves.

I thanked God that I saw how special my son is and that I saw inside his heart and realized that he’s one of the most compassionate people I’ve ever met. I learned that in the quiet moments that he has a special gift to care for others in a way that I never have but that I want to try to achieve. My son was my greatest teacher this morning, and so today, if I start to worry about my life, or about the things on my to do list, I’ll reflect on my son and his prayer, and I’ll turn my thoughts to others and not to myself. And I will thank God that the smallest among us can be our greatest teachers.

Desiring the Old Time Summer

2007-05-21T08:26:00.000-04:00

School is almost over and it’s time to get ready for summer camps. I think about when I was a kid and how every day was spent at the local swimming pool. We’d ride our bikes back and forth by ourselves from age 7 on up, we were independent and basically showed up for dinner when the street lights came on.

These days, in order to keep the kids busy, the alternative is summer camp. They get some sort of freedom, but they’re being watched over by older kids. They’re learning art, basketball or horseback riding, or learning about bugs or science. Kids these days have hundreds of options for a summer packed with exciting learning experiences.

But last night after watching a movie on TV last night called Sweet Home Alabama staring Reese Witherspoon, I was reminded of small town America and how simple life can really be. I started thinking about having a simple summer, somewhere in a small town, were my son can wonder up to the local store or local library or lake and go fishing or out to play where I wouldn’t be concerned. I started wondering if this life is available anymore in the state of Florida? I want him to have exciting learning experiences of course, but I also want him to enjoy out the outdoors and to find out about animals and nature outside of so much structure.

So I went on the hunt. It appears that there are many small towns in Florida that have small lake communities. The problem I find though is that they’re not sophisticated enough to write about it or perhaps they’re trying to keep the small town feel under wraps so others like me aren’t seeking refuge in a place of yesteryear. And if I’m seeking this small town existence, where the car you drive doesn’t matter, and the label on your shoes don’t matter, then how many others are seeking this sort of refuge too?

Do others get tired of the keeping up with the Joneses typical game that occurs in the suburbs? As I walk by the luxurious houses in our neighborhood that have exotic tropical plants that are neatly arranged, I start to stress about the professional landscaping that is lacking from my own yard. I have the plans to do it, and slowly we’re putting it together, but in the meantime, when it’s not as manicured as the two lawns on either side of us, I silently wonder what the neighbors are thinking about us? What about the cars? We’re not now driving our old cool SC 400 Lexus that we had before we had a child. We’re driving Mommy and daddy vans, a couple of SUVs that get us around town, but aren’t the chic glamour car of our past. That puts stress on me, because I want to appear that we’re smart and concerned about our outward image. But, we’ve been investing in our businesses, so we’ve put new cars on the back burner.

Ahh, the old days of summer… and the desire just to hide away to forget about the modern day stresses and to get rejuvenated for a few months. To get to sit by the lake, to fry up some fish, to drink a beer with friends and have the kids swim all day and come in just enough to eat and to plop in bed, tired and happy.

I long for those days, and I’m now completely obsessed with finding this life for us to enjoy for weekends and summers. Perhaps it’s at the beach, or perhaps a lake town, but now that I’m desiring it, I’ll have to find this old time place that’s in my mind.

Summer daze…. The wave of the future… of going back to how it used to be.

How Coaching Works in an Organization

2007-05-17T12:56:00.000-04:00

In my work as a coach, I’ve worked with nearly every level of employee from new hire to CEO and CFO. In nearly every case, I’ve found the people to be hard working and eager to improve. They all want respect for a job well done and they desire to get along well with the other employees and their customers.

I’ve found that the role of coach can serve in many capacities and that there are definite ways to be more successful. If the coach is an outside consultant, they have many advantages. They don’t have to answer to anyone within the company and so they are more than likely going to be honest about their feedback. If they’re employed by the company, they still have to play the political game that goes on in some companies. If a coach is employed by the company, then often times the coach is employed by the leader instead of being a partner to them. I’ve been on both sides of the coin, and I’ve decided that it’s far better to be hired as a consultant than as a long term employee.

I’ve also found that a combination of working in person and on the phone is more of an advantage. Even after working on the phone for years with people on and off, there is always an advantage of meeting face to face. So much about a person shows up in their body language, and in their mannerisms. The clients have a better idea of who the coach is and the coach has a better understanding of the client. After the face to face initial meeting, regular phone calls are great to keep the relationship going.

The coach can service their client in many ways. If a coach has an expertise in business, then writing articles and sending information on that particular subject is always of help to the clients. The role of mentor does happen within the context of the coaching relationship sometimes, because the client often does ask for advice or help. Some coaches state clearly that they don’t give advice whatsoever. As an expert in the field, I don’t think that is reasonable, or always the best answer. I’ve seen coaches ask clients the same question dozens of ways, and if the client doesn’t know the answer and wants the quick one, some advice from the coach is truly appreciated. Additionally, sometimes the brainstorm process between the coach and client helps stimulate other thought from the client. I never hesitate to offer suggestions, advice or ideas if the time is right.

In order to keep the busy client engaged, regular email check in’s work wonders. They might be on the road traveling but a quick line of encouragement is always appreciated by the client. I’ve sent cards, books, motivational quotes, articles, business leads, ideas for projects, or quick brainstorms I had outside of the calls or meetings. I’ve always been thanked for these additional items that I’ve added to my coaching.

Confidentiality is key within the coaching relationship. Often times, the client uses the coach to brainstorm ideas that they want to use at the company, and they practice with the coach before hand. I’ve coached numerous clients before they’ve entered big meetings or before they’ve spoken before their companies. It’s good to remind the client that all of the conversations are 100% confidential. This way, they’ll continue to open up as the relationship progresses.

I’ve worked with my clients in the areas of self esteem, leadership, branding themselves within the organization, becoming bolder, public relations in their industries, creating raving fans out of their clients, increasing their client base, creating ideas of projects to pitch, their image, their clothes, conversation skills, and maneuvering their way politically in their company. I haven’t met anyone yet who doesn’t want to be secure in their job and well liked. It’s key to every human being. And the key for the coach is to continually express to their clients, the strengths that the coach identifies and reminds him or her to be authentic to who they are as a person.

The role of coach is an honor. You get to know the clients incredibly well and it’s a thrill to see them develop professionally and personally. And when others in the organization start to see the growth and the changes in the client, that’s when they start taking notice. And that’s usually when other clients come knocking at the door!

Oprah Highlights Autism

2007-04-06T10:12:00.000-04:00

Yesterday on Oprah, they did a show highlighting Autism. The statistics are staggering. 1 in every 150 children is now struck with Autism.

The symptoms are that there are language delays, odd behaviors and inability to communicate normally. Many of the children reached early milestones and then at age 2 starting losing their language skills and changed into a child they didn’t know. This was horrible for the parents to witness and even worse when the doctors told the parents they were overly concerned or too worried. It was clear throughout the show that doctors need to be better educated about the early warning signs of autism.

Many of these kids are lost in their own world. They make noises but don’t respond like normal children do to conversation. Some of them can skate and play ball, but they have no ability to talk. The show highlighted some siblings of these children who feel a great sense of loss as well. They also see their autistic brother or sister getting all of the attention from the parents, and feel left out. The parents have no choice but to care for their autistic child. The children require hours and hours of therapy every day. The good news is that some of these children are being helped by the therapy.

The most shocking part of the show was that a medical doctor made an appearance on the show and explained how they believe autism is being spread. She has two sons with autism, and therefore is an expert. She mentioned that it’s genetic, and there “might be environmental factors involved”. When Oprah mentioned that perhaps it was the immunization shots that the babies are given, the doctor said that’s very controversial and that it has been proven that that is NOT the case.

Oprah encouraged one of the moms to disagree because Oprah told her she’d regret it if she didn’t disagree on the show. The mom “vehemently disagreed with that assessment” stating that there have been studies to show that the shots WERE the cause.

At this point, I reviewed the tape and watched the doctor’s face several times. Was she lying? Does she know beyond the shadow of a doubt it’s not the shots? Is she being paid by a pharmaceutical company to say those things? Are her sons being treated by the best of the best so she stays quiet about it? No one will ever know. But in my gut, I felt she knew SHE couldn’t say it, but she was pleased that she was refuted.

Who is shutting the people up? Why is this happening? If there is even a small chance that the immunizations are causing autism, then why is it illegal NOT to get them? Who is making up these rules? Why can’t that be stopped? Why aren’t doctors taking stand against this practice? Why aren’t other people taking a stand? Are we all so afraid as to what can happen to us by speaking up? If there are people who start to speak up, are the pharmaceutical companies getting them to be quiet somehow? What are they doing?

Is it true that there have been cures to numerous diseases but because it’s not beneficial financially to find a cure for the Big Pharm companies, that they run the doctor or scientist out of business? Is it that ruthless? Who are the people behind the scenes who are making these decisions?

Oprah learned not to criticize big business years ago when she was dragged into court by a bunch of cattle ranchers who claimed that she harmed their business when she said on TV that she wasn’t going to eat beef. Apparently, after she said that, sales dipped and the cattle ranchers sued her as a result. Oprah won in court, and met Dr. Phil as a bonus who coached her through her court appearance, but she learned a valuable lesson: Let the guests complain, but she can not.

Parents who are dealing with Autism right now struggle every day to manage their families, their kids and their jobs. But somehow, the laws of the immunizations need to be changed. People need to fight and to stand up. I know it’s not so easy and the repercussions are immense. If a child does not have an immunization, that child can NOT be registered in school. Those are the laws. So the only other alternative is to home school your child for 18 years.

When parents are preparing for a baby, they’re not considering these things and mostly because Autism has been a silent issue, they have no idea what the statistics are, so they get the immunizations as their doctors recommend. Two years later, 1 in ever 150 of those kids, turns into a shell of his or her former self.

This is a serious epidemic in our country. For those having babies, if you research, you’d be crazy and you shouldn’t in good conscious give all of those shots to your baby. Did you know that they give tiny babies up to 5-6 shots at one time? Their tiny bodies are filled with medicine. It’s nothing short of cruel, and it’s damaging our whole society.

We need people to fight before congress to change the immunization laws.
We also need to make sure that the law makers in our country aren’t being swayed by the big political contributions that are made by the pharmaceutical companies to their campaigns. We need to stand up and fight against the big business conglomerate, which is possibly causing our children and millions of families to suffer. And if we can find out if these executive’s children and grandchildren are or are NOT receiving all of their immunizations, we’d be getting somewhere. My guess is that they’re not. They know the damage being done, and they’d never subject their own family to this torture.

Thank you Oprah for hosting this show on Autism. You were brave to stand up to it, and I hope that you’ve stimulated a lot of conversation. I pray that we all remain safe as we push to expose this possible corruption in the pharmaceutical industry and government. They have answers, and we deserve to know.

The Power of Forgiveness: The Movie

2007-04-04T16:27:00.000-04:00

Last night I saw a life changing movie. Not only for me, but can change the consciousness of the world. It’s about the Power of Forgiveness.

This documentary outlined several stories of individuals who have had dramatic incidences happen to them by others in their lives, and shares their path towards healing. The stories of the people shared their struggle with the act of forgiveness but also shared their difficult paths.

Elie Wiesel, the author and humanitarian, shared his story of losing his family and millions of the Jews throughout the concentration camps of Germany during the war. The movie showed photos of Wiesel and the thousands of others living in the concentration camp. Their faces were sallow and sad, and filled with despair. By some amazing miracle, he was able to get out and later become a journalist and author, and ultimately a voice for the millions who were exterminated and killed during that time. Internationally, he has been a catalyst to help people move beyond that horrible place in our history.

Another story highlighted the 5 Amish girls who were gunned down in their school house and their community. The Amish people already live lives of forgiveness and even though it was difficult, they believe the bible when Jesus taught to forgive 70X7 times. Their act of forgiveness inspired the world over. The Amish even went so far as to seek out the family of the killer to let them know that they were forgiven.

Then there are three tireless activists who lost family in the WTC during 9/11. They were able to forgive the terrorists, but they were unable to forgive the people who buried all of the debris, including massive amounts of personal items, bones and the dead in a dump on Stanton Island, NY. They’re incensed that their loved ones grave site is a dump. So they traveled to Israel to bury their prayer cards of their family under a new olive tree in a forgiveness garden. They traveled 6000 miles to be there, but for them it was worth it. They lived with so much regret and so much pain, that for them, it was a way to let go of their anguish.

The movie outlined more stories, like the Protestants and Catholics in a 30 year battle in Ireland, and those from Buddhist communities and perhaps the most touching story was from a father and a granddad, who met and came together to teach forgiveness to children. Their story was one of tragedy when 4 14 year old boys partied all day and then ordered a pizza and decided to demand to receive the pizza for free from the delivery guy. He refused and was shot and killed on the spot. The boy who shot and killed the other was a product of a broken home and was being raised by his grandfather. The 21 year old who was shot and killed was from a Muslim family whose tradition told them to grieve for 40 days and then forgive and move on. At the end of the 40 days, the father of the boy who was shot down, contacted the grandfather of the other boy and that began a healing process that lead them to speak to students around the country on the topic of forgiveness.
The movie shows scientists researching the negative physical effects of hurtful emotions on the body. As subjects described their painful experiences dealing with another, their blood pressure became increasingly elevated to dangerous levels. Some personalities, who are “forgiving”, have the ability to return to a normal blood pressure. But those people who still struggled with unforgiveness, continued to have an elevated blood pressure. This proves that unforgiveness harms our body; therefore it’s physically beneficial to forgive in order to protect our health over the long term.

The producer Martin Doblmeier, is sharing this ground breaking movie with 25 cities before its release in October of this year. He said that the producers of Oprah have called, which is a great sign. If the movie is featured on Oprah, it’ll show the effects around the world.

Imagine a day where forgiveness is taught in schools around the globe and the children grow up knowing how bad harboring ill will is for your health and will have the tools to develop into people who have personalities that can easily forgive. The results of this would have a dramatic impact that could be felt world wide.

If you get the chance to see this movie on PBS later this year, don’t miss it. It’s one that will sink into your consciousness and allow you to alter your way of being. Our world needs this movie. We all need this movie. If we all practiced what it teaches, we could elevate our society to a new level of peace.

And to borrow from the movie “Miss Congeniality”, what do we all want? World Peace!

Working with New Yorkers

2007-03-12T13:33:00.000-04:00

I just got back from a quick trip to NYC the other day where I’m coaching in a large financial institution. The company that I’m working with has been able to create a warm and family atmosphere even though they’re in a cut throat sort of industry. These people were all incredibly likeable people and I enjoyed seeing a company be able to create this sort of atmosphere in the middle of the hustle bustle of the city.

Each time in NY, I’m inspired to meet the quality of people that I do. It’s nothing like what most people think when they think of New Yorkers. They see them as too rushed, impolite or not friendly. Nothing could be further from the truth. The absolute truth is, is that the more successful people are in organizations, the nicer they are when you get to know them. But, to get in the door, it’s not so easy. They’re tough and they require the people they associate with to have the highest of standards. If you’re able to prove that you have the same set of standards, they let their guard down and welcome you into a working relationship. That relationship is personal and direct, open and real. It happens more quickly than many other working relationships. New Yorkers are great at seeing past the glossy exterior and peering into the real substance of a person or a company. The bottom line is, that if you have the goods to deliver and you have the highest standards and ethics in your business, then New York is a great place to work.

Being in NY is always full of surprises. I was eating lunch at the restaurant, Cosi’s and saw that famous “Cat woman” who has had too much plastic surgery on her face. I was so excited to see her I asked the two gals 2 seated 2 inches from my table if they knew who the Cat Woman was and they got as excited to hear about her as I got because of seeing her!

My hotel, which is like finding a gold mine, is the best serviced, most convenient and most comfortable and affordable hotel I’ve stayed at in the past 3 years in any city around the country. It’s the Fitzpatrick Grand Central Hotel. It’s a block from Grand Central on 44th. It’s owned by an Irish family, has 24/7 room service and they will take care of whatever need you have. Last December, I needed to purchase a copy of the new Pirates of the Caribbean for my TV segment and one of the bell men went to the store and bought it for me with his own money! I was floored at the impeccable service. Nino or Susan are both managers and are both terrific. Tell them that Mary Gardner sent you!

Because New Yorkers and those in the big cities start trends, and now I don’t live in NY, I can share a few insights into people and the up and coming work place. It appears to me, that larger companies, have been and will continue to spend money on training their employees to insure a positive work environment. The more successful a company is, it seems that the nicer and more professional the people are. I just met a top level guy from Google and You Tube, and he was one of the sharpest individuals I had met in a long time. Not only was he incredibly intelligent, but extremely, well, nice is the word! He was patient and kind and helpful. No wonder the company is doing so well!!

I believe that companies are going to need to invest more and more money into training their staff. It’s not just the lower and middle level professionals who are coming across as not overly polished or polite any more, it’s even upper level executives. Our culture is all about rushing and getting things done quickly. But many are losing their manners in the meantime. But.. that’s another whole story!

I’ll be headed back to NY in the morning, to meet up with business associates and possibly some friends. I’ll get to stay at the Fitzpatrick again and enjoy their lovely people.

Hopefully this week, the snow will be melted and people will be hanging in Central Park. That might be a few weeks away, but definitely a reason to visit New York in the spring. New Yorkers in the spring are in rare form: skating and running in Central Park, picnicking on the lawn, flea markets every weekend, sidewalk café dining, and late night concerts followed by late night coffee shops and wine bars. It's a great time to visit and a terrific time to create bonds with the people of NYC.

Ahhhh… New York. There is no where like it. And all you have to do is to love it, to be open to it, and you’ll find the people among the nicest and most open in the world.

Future of Professional Speakers

2007-02-19T15:28:00.000-05:00

More and more people are moving into the direction of pursuing their dreams. Many have gone through incredible hardships and have learned through heart ache and struggle that they’ve learned survival and success techniques that they’re anxious to share with the world.

These people become speakers. And with any luck, hard work and persistence, they become professional speakers!

The path of being a professional speaker up until now has had two distinct career paths. Since the beginning of time, experts, former politicians and business leaders and professional athletes have shared their wisdom from the stage. These people get the big bucks and are now represented by celebrity agencies in the major cities.

The other path, are the speakers and trainers who study personal development, organizational development, sales or customer service and enjoy performing. These speakers write trainings which become books, and usually have a business model that combines speaking, coaching and consulting.

I see a third level of speaker who is about to emerge on the scene and it should scare the current motivational speakers and should leave them shaking in their shoes.

I believe that in the future, actors will replace speakers to deliver the latest content available in the universe. These actors will be trained to retain and deliver dynamic information which is entertaining, funny and interactive. These performers will be paid a day rate, and will be highly specialized speakers yet will not have ever worked in business. Content providers and researchers will hire these actors to present their material.

Speaker bureaus who now work with a barrage of professional speakers, will offer another tier of speaker. Performer to deliver keynote, workshop or Training. Union scale will apply. Ads for actors will read: Multiethnic performer/female, age 30s to deliver motivational speeches of adventure, fulfilling potential and excellence. 30 all expenses paid vacations a year paid by corporations. Spokespeople/models encouraged to apply.

Companies will pay $700 for these actors to deliver a highly motivational and exciting speech. The actors can mingle after or during the reception as the “person who climbed the mountains” and take on the whole persona of an outdoor adventurer. Later that night, she’ll climb back in bed and get up the next morning to shoot a movie or a commercial. She’ll be a speaker for hire. An actor. And she delivers up to date, engaging information.

The speaking business is now highly computerized. Anyone can make themselves out to be an instant celebrity by understanding internet marketing and how to build name recognition as an expert. The information is available on the internet for anyone to sound like an expert with an hour or two of study.

I believe as a result we’re not far away from the Milli Vanilli's lip sync scam from the 80’s who performed on stage in front of thousands around the world who bought the group’s music which earned the group a Grammy. Later, Americans learned they’d been scammed by a record label and that the two in the group couldn’t even sing. They lost their Grammy and their credibility. But the reality was, was that the audience didn’t seem to mind. They loved the music they were hearing, and loved the looks and the moves of the performers. It was entertainment and it was successful.

Will corporate audiences care who delivers the content? Will meeting planners care who researched the material that is delivered? Won’t they care more that their staffs are updated on current information and wouldn’t it be a bonus if the spokesperson on stage is nice to look at? Professional meeting planners won’t have to answer phone calls or even speak with speakers. They’ll just search for an actor who can deliver exactly the message they need at the moment.

Already, companies hire young actors to travel to the high school circuit to deliver inspirational messages. These actors have to be certified and memorize 2-3 speeches but then service their immediate city along with many other actors to reach the masses.

Motivational speakers beware. More and more people are pursing their passion of speaking and this competition is going to drive the price of a no name motivational speaker down. But a notice to all of the up and coming actors: Here is a new gig to consider! So get out your suits, polish your shoes …. You’re now a Motivational speaker who has a live crowd to motivate today!

Written by Mary Gardner, Speaker, Coach and TV professional. She can be located at www.marygardner.com. Send for her 10 ten necessary tips for new speakers or review her new ebook: “Prosperity Journal for Professional Speakers” which provides a system to save speakers hundreds of hours of time in learning the business of professional speaking.

Nerves

2007-02-02T22:43:00.000-05:00

First there is an inner shaking, then the neck and the face start to heat up… rising from the bottom of your toes to the top of your head. Then the voice starts to go weaker and weaker and finally, you’re grasping for breath, you think to yourself: OH MY GOSH.. this is ABSOLUTELY horrifying!!! What has happened to me?

Our body has a natural reaction to stress and to fear, fight or flight. But what do you do when you really NEED to face a terrifying situation but your body doesn’t want to? For instance, public speaking, giving a report at a company, or in my case, pitching a TV show to a TV network?

This week, I’ve been lucky enough to attend a terrific conference called Real Screen. It’s a yearly conference in Washington DC where most of the Directors of Developments of the national TV networks gather to brainstorm, meet the producers and explain what their network is seeking in terms of programming. At the conference, hundreds of TV and film producers from around the world gather, to pitch their TV concepts and seek deals with the networks.

Before I got here, I was completely convinced that the show we’re creating is the next big thing. It’s got heart, its got style and it’s extremely current. Since I’ve been at the conference, I’ve seen that everyone feels the same about their own show and their job is also to convince the same group of people to buy their idea.

In other words, it’s stressful.

Yesterday, I pitched my show concept formally to MSNBC. They’re now accepting new programming and I thought that my show might have an angle that they’d like. The room is set up like speed dating. You get a number if you pre registered, or you hang around to see if there might be room at the end. I was the one getting in under the gun at the end because I was a late register to the conference. They call you over to the mini table where the 3 Development people sit and wait for you to make your pitch. I started off strong by introducing myself, and then I got to work explaining the concept of my show. I could hear my voice be enthusiastic and excited about the show, and then I felt the heat rising. It swarmed over me like a blanket or someone drowning in a pool of water. There was no controlling it. My face went red and my voice went south.

It was horrible.

Luckily, I finished the pitch, provided the information and then got up to run to the next seminar. I was heading to the speech that was to be given by one of the producers I just met from MSNBC so we went to the seminar together. By that time, the energy of the hundreds of people in the hall helped me retrieve my voice and I chatted happily with him all the way to the next session and we had a terrific exchange for about the same amount of time that I sunk in front of him moments before. Within that time, I learned that my show would not be a decent fit for them, as much as he liked the concept.

It was a great experience for me to go through because next time, I’ll be prepared. Its funny how I could stand before a 1000 people and speak, yet speaking to 3 people in the corner of a room at a table terrified me. The difference was in the preparation. I hadn’t prepared to “speed pitch” and did it on the fly.

It gave me a huge appreciation for my clients who go through similar horrifying episodes in business when they have to speak in front of a meeting or group. It literally makes people sick to even think about public speaking so they derail their career by refusing to do it. As a coach, I can teach anyone to get over the nerves, but the best word of advice that I can give is to prepare, prepare, prepare. Do it in front of a mirror and do it over and over until it’s completely natural. Tape yourself giving your message and do it over and over until it sounds lively and fun.

Speed pitching was torture, and although I’m not doing it again today, I’d definitely do it again and sign up early, prepare and then pitch. In the meantime however, I’ve been able to casually meet other networks heads such from Oxygen, WE, TLC, National Geographic, the BBC, Smithsonian Network, among others. In the quick casual conversations, I came across likeable, passionate and had a story to tell that was intriguing. Most liked my concept but it still hasn’t found a home.

Getting over nerves isn’t ever going to happen fully because they’re there to protect and guide us. But learning to anticipate them and prepare for them can hold them at bay.

There’s no doubt that it’s better to prepare and be articulate than wing it and crash and burn. It’s also a heck of a lot more fun.

From Church Mouse to Champion

2007-02-02T22:39:00.000-05:00

I just viewed the most inspiring video I think I’ve ever seen. It was a story of a dad whose son was born with the cord around his neck. The baby wasn’t given much of a chance to live any sort of normal life and the doctors all recommended that he be put away in an institution because they said there was nothing going on in his brain. Yet, when the dad didn’t believe it and they took the baby home to live.

The video showed the boy in his wheelchair through the years with other kids holding a hockey stick, or hanging out with other kids with the intention of having the most normal life as possible. When the boy was able to type on a computer, he told his dad how alive he felt when doing sports. That was the motivation that the dad, a self proclaimed couch potato needed, and he started competing in running events, triathlons and marathons, all while carrying his physically impaired child in a raft while swimming, on the bike handlebars or pushing a stroller while running. They’ve now competed in hundreds of races and beat ¾ of the field, even in spite of the fact that the dad is carrying the son. The story and video are so touching that its’ hard to get through it without crying but it’s so inspiring and it makes you realize that the challenges in life are meant to bring out the best in each of us. It was a video that shared one man’s strength and determination to overcome the odds. To experience and see the love that this father has for his son is awe inspiring, because you can see and feel pain of struggle so much that it creates empathy, respect and reverence when viewing this man and his son who have triumphed over adversity and beat the impossible odds.

When we finally “get” that challenges and frustrations in life are meant to grow us, and to prepare us for bigger and better opportunities. Our microwave society which thrives on immediate gratification, has become disposable. We dispose of diapers, old people, live babies and dead marriages. When we’ve had enough, we ignore it or eliminate it. There is an acceptance of if it gets hard, then get rid of it, instead of the old motto, “when the going gets tough, the tough gets going”. We’re becoming weak and pursuing happiness instead of strength and character. People aren’t getting there however, because it takes growing strength and character to grow in inner happiness and strength. So many people keep searching for the perfect relationship, the perfect outfit, the perfect house, the perfect kids, and end up living in a battle of anxiety and depression, because they’re seeking something that isn’t going to appear without going through the process of growing up.

Our world has never been more connected than it is today. We can reach out to people within seconds from around the world. We can view images of their life on line 24/7 and view movies, documentaries and view cams that show us graphic and intimate moments. Yet, millions of people, sit isolated and alone in their living rooms, watching others on TV, and have no idea whatsoever of how to break the ice with their neighbor, or get over the petty relationship issues that cause friction or frustration.

We’ve given up the words, “I’m sorry” because we know that we can develop a new relationship with someone on line tomorrow, probably with another lonely and isolated individual.

In my work of coaching individuals, we work on building real connections with others. We work together to create a plan to engage with others, and to communicate with others. I challenge my clients to pursue real and authentic conversations with their work associates. We create opportunities for them to mentor, coach and help others in their sphere of influence. We also look at the challenges we face in our lives and create a plan of action to manage the problem. By naming and owning the challenge, it gives us a goal to work towards. By not acknowledging the issue, it can continue to challenge and control us, but by owning up to it, it gives the permission to view it optimistically.

One such client had the goal of growing into a leader in her company. She had been with the company for 10 years and had some success, yet she showed up as a church mouse at work. She showed up, but didn’t participate fully in meetings. She let others do the talking and the planning, even though she had many ideas that were valuable and that could have helped the organization. Little by little, with a little planning, a little encouragement and quite a bit of coaching, she took little steps towards over coming her fear of emerging as a leader. Her peers viewed her as a librarian; resourceful and useful but not powerful. My client’s goal was to become a powerful leader.

Moving in that direction challenged her to face her fear of making difficult decisions, standing and speaking in public, mentoring others and correcting others when needed. We started with the basics, just connecting with those in her immediate work space. Then she looked forward towards mentors and instead of just taking mentoring from them, she started bringing value to them. She started showing up to key meetings with something to say, even if it was just a motivational quote to share with the group.

It hasn’t been easy, but my client is now about to start leading important meetings with several groups and as the facilitator I’ve challenged her to show up as the visionary, and the motivator. She now has a plan to do that and is practicing behind the scenes.

Whatever the challenge that faces you in your life, name it. Give it a place in your life. Then get to work. Understand that its going to take a plan. It’s going to take knowing where you want to go, and constant energy, effort and work to get there. More than likely, you’ll need mentors, coaches, books, tapes and even failures to get to where you’re going. You’ll stumble along the way, but you won’t fall if you know where you’re going. Keep that vision in your mind and get up every day with excited anticipation about getting one step closer to getting there.

Overcoming the challenges that life throws at you will either make you crumble or make you strong. If life has given you a life or death challenge like the father in the video, or a work challenge like my client, we can build our inner strength one day at a time. In the beginning, many days seem like complete failures because there is so much to learn and do that it can be overwhelming and make us feel hopeless. But many days of failure turn into more days of learning and stretching and conquering. Eventually, over time, our bodies and minds learn what we wanted to teach it, and we become who we had in mind.

Life is a series of ups and downs, challenges and triumphs. It’s path of getting there that we can celebrate because then as we grow in experience, we grow in our success.

Hitting the Goal: My first 5K

2007-01-24T00:50:00.000-05:00

I did it! I did it!!! I did it!!! I finally ran my first 5K!!!

Okay, composure…… I finally did it. And I’m relieved.

This past weekend, I finally overcame a fear of being a runner and lined up with 3200 other runners in Winter Park. Three miles isn’t that intimidating, but if you haven’t been practicing, then it’s not easy. It’s not even easy if you HAVE been training, if we’re being honest.

The morning started out at 6am and I have to admit, I was a bit tired from a fun girls night out the night before. I was careful not to drink much alcohol because I know the feeling of being dehydrated after a night out. But my husband and I had to get our son ready to go and be there for the start at 7:30. I arrived at about 7:20, and as a result of getting there so late, I was able to start the race relatively close to the starting line. I just hopped in and joined the people. As it turned out, I ended up right in front of a childhood friend who was running with her family. I blurted out the time I was hoping to achieve and she did the same. (she ended up beating me by about 30 seconds I found out later!)

When the race started, it took several seconds to get things going but the second my feet passed over the timing station the race was on! People spread out and got into their pace. Because there were so many people, it was a sea of people almost the whole race. Several times I smiled to myself, because I was competing in the race, I was overcoming a fear and actually had prepared and had entered the race.

During the run, people were constantly passing me and I sometimes passed others. I’d see some that I’d pass when they stopped to walk and then I’d see them passing me later. I ran past some unbelievably fast race walkers and I told one man that he was incredible and inspiring! He mumbled back between breathes that it wasn’t easy race walking with such a big crowd.

Hearing the pattering of the feet reminded me of children in a school hall scurrying back and forth between classes. I didn’t hear many conversations going on, heard some music over headphones, and some people breathed hard while others didn’t seem winded whatsoever. I remember singing to myself some favorite country songs, thanking God for this moment that I was experiencing, and also hoping that my body would remain strong throughout the race. I was cold in the beginning of the race but soon turned heated and sweaty, but I did feel pretty strong until the last mile. The last mile was fairly tough for me and I kept wanting to stop but thought about laying in the hospital bed years ago while having my baby and not being able to get out of the bed for a whole month; and I decided that this pain was a lot better pain than not being able to move my legs and walk after I got out of the hospital. This pain was also a better pain than after my knee surgery a few years ago. So, I kept thinking that I had handled worse before, and that I needed to just stay the course, and put one foot in front of the other. If I did that, eventually, I’d reach the finish line.

I realized that I made this race much bigger in my mind than it was in reality. In reality, it was just a fun run, something to do on a Saturday morning with friends and family. But to me, it was so much more. To me, it was saying, that I had found the courage to do something that I knew I probably wasn't going to be good at but still wanted to do. For me, it was having to face my team mates day in and day out, who are old pros and who probably didn’t understand my unimpressive endurance during practice. For me, it was stepping up to the plate, even though I wasn’t 100% sure I could do it.

Now that I’m beyond the intimidation of the other runners and had my mental breakthrough, I can say that now I am a runner myself. I may not be good yet, but I now know that I can do it. My fellow DAWG friend Howard (Hi Howard!!!) asked me today if I was going to write about this, and so I knew that I had to. I wanted to put it in writing to hopefully share with others, that reaching a goal, isn’t always easy, especially mentally. Sometimes, you learn more about yourself on the path to the goal than you anticipated. And sometimes you tick others off while you’re learning the ropes. But the advice that I’ve gained from all of this is that sometimes you just have to shut up and stop talking about it and just do the work.

Then, over time, you’ll reach your goal. And after you reach it… guess what? You’re off and running to the next one! (like getting legs like Howard's girlfriend Adele!!!)

Breaking through Self Limiting Beliefs

2007-01-23T11:24:00.000-05:00

This past weekend I lined up with 3200 other runners in my home town in Winter Park Florida and set off to run a 5K. There were champions from afar and new runners such as myself, old people and children, and everyone was giddy with the prospect of racing together. It was a brisk morning in Central Florida, but the kind that makes you glad you don’t live anywhere else.

For me, it was facing a hurdle to overcome that had blocked me in my mind for years. It was the statement in my mind that told me: I am not a runner.

It all started for me in 9th grade. I was on the track team and raced in the sprints and the hurdles. One day in a track meet, I “hit the wall” and my legs wouldn’t carry me. I kept telling them to move but I saw them slow down almost to a stop and my body wouldn’t move faster than at a snails pace. I didn’t know how to explain to myself, to my coach, or to anyone what had happened, so I naturally assumed that I wasn’t cut out to be a runner.
I’ve carried that mindset with me every day since then.

Fast forward through the years, I watched idly from the sidelines during road races and wished I could be in the game instead of being a spectator. Somewhere inside of me was a deep longing to be a runner, and to be the athlete that I thought I had the potential to be. But when I joined a running team this past fall, I continued to manufacture numerous excuses about my missing the practices and not working hard. It wasn’t until I was running with a more mature runner by the name of Grizz, who told me his story of “hitting the wall” on his 18th marathon 50 yards from the finish line. He explained to me that he got dehydrated and his body shut down and it took several minutes to gain his bearings to be able to reenter the race.

When I heard his story it sunk in that all of those years before I too, had “hit the wall”. I had an immediate vision of what my legs looked like at the moment they stopped performing and the horror that I felt when it happened. Now knowing that I was probably dehydrated and could have fixed that scenario by drinking more liquids, I now knew that I was holding a belief about myself that was based on an untruth. When I look back further into my childhood, I was an outstanding athlete and runner, but having one bad experience made me change my belief system. I went from being a strong and secure athlete to a wimpy and weak minded one.

After I realized that this belief has tarnished my view of myself for all of these years, I realized that the only person holding me back from having a great and in shape body was me. I knew now, that only showing up and putting in the work would get me to the place where I wanted to be. I knew that I had a great team of people who I ran with and a supportive coach who gave me guidance, but it was me who would have to do the work.

I was up for the challenge so I set my sights on the 5K in my home town as my first race. I trained several times a week by running a 3 mile path regardless of how I felt. Finally, I got to the level of endurance where I could do the whole run without stopping. That in itself was a goal that I had.

On race day, I had a goal of coming in under 30 minutes and secretly dreamed for a time of 28 minutes. Sure enough, when I passed the finish line, the time was 28:54 and when my foot hit the pad at the finish line, I put my arms up in victory. The victory wasn’t that I won the race, but only that I had conquered a fear, and had now entered a new phase of life with a new mindset.

Knowing now what I know, that my body is strong and can compete, I’m not satisfied with my time. Being a competitor, I now see how hard I’m going to have to push myself to get my time down to a respectable time. I’m now motivated to become more lean and to build more endurance. I have another time goal in mind and I’m giving myself a year to get there.

This time, because I believe that I’m now a runner, I know I can do it.

What a difference a conversation can make; and what a difference an attitude adjustment can make! Thanks Grizz!

Beautiful Women: The Most Bullied in our Society

2007-01-18T11:33:00.000-05:00

Do you know a beautiful woman? Have you spoken with her lately? I don’t mean in a way that is casual, I mean, have you talked to her lately about the other … women! Have you asked her how she gets treated by other women she encounters? Her answer may surprise you… and get ready for an ear full!

In our society, beauty is worshiped. We spend trillions of dollars on our hair, make up, spa treatments and even puffing up our face and our lips so we don’t look as if we’ve aged. The Hollywood types have been sucked into a culture that young is the ONLY way to be, and as a result, reconstruct their faces and their bodies to try to resemble a 25 year old. Unfortunately, many times without success. Some recent examples of faces gone badly would be Michael Jackson, Joan Rivers and even my favorite, Meg Ryan. If the surgeon inserts too much fat in a lip or a check, the tabloids then have a hay day criticizing their recent appearance.

How are these beautiful people treated by the general population? There’s no doubt, beautiful people get better treatment. They receive better customer service and better discounts. People allow them to cut in line and treat them special. But there are also times, where beautiful people are treated horrible. Some of the beautiful people are tortured and treated horribly, by their “so called” friends.

I have a friend named Emily. Emily is a mom of 3 boys and a few years after she had the boys she decided to get into shape. She hired a trainer and got to work in the gym and with her diet. She discovered that the high protein, low carb diet worked well and within 2 months she had dropped 20lbs. She’s kept it off by running and by lifting weights.

This is when the problems started. While her customers admired her and her sales never dropped off, the ladies at the office started making snide remarks behind her back. They seemed to leave her out of afternoon get togethers and lunches out. Emily didn’t understand the dramatic change in the climate. After all she was still pulling in her sales and nothing else had changed. But SHE had changed. She had gone from average to beautiful in a few short months, and the women noticed it and didn’t like it.

Another friend who I coached through her transformation lost her baby weight, added hair extensions and a tan and soon many of the other ladies were following suit and adding hair extensions because they obviously admired her style. They also started tormenting her at work and started spreading vicious rumors about her and her boss. Finally, it got so bad that HR had to be called in and this is what she was told: “we’ve never seen anyone’s reputation so brutally attacked with no reason before and we’re sorry. We don’t see how we can resolve this unless you create a less low profile image.”

My friend ended up quitting.

Even at the golden globes, one reporter made a serious error on camera by chatting and flirting with Donald Trump and leaving his wife in the wings without so much as even a “Hello”. Can you imagine THAT reporter ever being invited to a party at the Trumps? Hardly! Ms. Trump is a former Ms. Universe and was just humiliated on national TV.

Beautiful women seem to be so intimidating to other women that many times, they’re treated horribly even before they open their mouths. Is it the way they hold themselves or is it our own insecurities? When we see a buxom lady showing it off, do we automatically get so annoyed that we immediately put our defenses up? When we zero in on a gal’s forehead that has been botoxed and lazored, do we admire her for wanting to improve or do we internally crucify her for wanting others approval?

Society is continuing to change and upgrade. Those of us who have judgments of others need only to review in their own lives when others have first unfairly judged us. Was there a time where you were judged based on your appearance? Was there a time where anyone was jealous of you for something you did or for something you bought or owned?

Jealousy is a natural emotion that pops up in mysterious ways. It causes people to rage and to turmoil and to treat others ferociously. So here’s an exercise to try: next time you start to be annoyed at someone’s success, stop yourself and ask yourself, what can I do to make them feel good? Can I congratulate them? Can I help them in some way? Can I start a lighthearted conversation with them to find out who this person really is?

When we acknowledge our own insecurities and work to overcome them, we’re the ones who grow and we’re the ones who gain the power. It’s worth it to notice our interactions with others; to improve upon them, and grow as a result.

Next time you’re jealous of another: Acknowledge your insecurity to yourself, say or do something nice for the person you’re jealous of, and then do the best thing you can do: and go do something to improve your mind or learn something new.

The world will be glad you did.

Two weeks to my Goal!

2007-01-07T14:34:00.000-05:00

The days are counting down. I committed to running a road race after joining a running team back in September. I’ve trained and I’ve visualized, and now, I’m counting the days.

My goal is to finish. I don’t even have a time that I’m shooting for at this point. I just want to start and finish the race without stopping and walking. It’s only a 5K and millions and millions of Americans have run in races like this, but I never have; and for me to get to this point, it’s truly been a journey.

Back in September, I saw a bunch of eager runners meeting at the YMCA. They all had beautiful runner bodies, the type I’ve always longed to have. They looked happy and I knew that they were high on the fact that they had disciplined their bodies and their minds and because they each had a connection with each other through running and being fit. I wanted to be a part of a group like that, but I didn’t have the courage by myself.

The leader of the group wouldn’t allow me to think like that. John told me that I could do whatever I set my mind to, and that he promised to lend support. I accepted the challenge and joined the group. The first month I was up to running 5-7 miles and he told me to stop pushing myself so hard, that I was going too fast and that I’d end up injured. He was true to his word and on my 7 mile run, I strained a muscle. I then took off for a few weeks and then it was hard to ease my way back into it, but slowly I did.

I’d love to say I’ve been an easy “coachee”, and that I took to running like a fish takes to water, but mostly it’s been a mental struggle with me. I wanted to push myself hard and work out every day, but I kept coming up with excuse after excuse of why I couldn’t do it. Either I was injured, or I was out of town, or working, but I kept finding excuses of why I couldn’t run. Somehow, I kept sabotaging myself and I didn’t know why. Finally, one day I was running the track with a very successful, long time marathoner on my team about how he “hit the wall” during one of his marathons 50 yards from the finish line. He shared with me that his body stopped working, and that he fell against a fence which held him up until he recovered and then he stumbled to the finish line. At that moment, I realized then that when I was younger and on the track team, I also “hit the wall” one day, became dehydrated and even though my mind would work, my legs stopped working. I literally couldn’t move my legs. It was if I was in slow motion and my body just stopped.

I didn’t know that “hitting the wall” was something that can happen to anyone. I just thought from that point on that I wasn’t a runner. I thought that I wasn’t cut out to be a runner and that my body wouldn’t perform to the level that I wanted it to. Therefore, going forward I based my physical performance based on something I learned as a 9th grade student and that particular mindset held me back even as an adult. As I thought back over my high school swimming days, that held me back when we had running workouts. The crazy thing was, was that as an elementary school student, I was always one of the fastest girl runners in the whole school. Year after year, I placed as the top athlete in every athletic activity, including running. I even have a trophy somewhere in a box that I should get out to remind myself that I am a good runner!

When I realized that I had one incident from over 20 years ago that was adversely affecting my mental game when it came to running, I finally realized that I’m on my own path, and that the only way that I could break out of this negativity was one day at a time. My coach has now challenged me to build up my endurance by running 3-4 times a week; 3-4 miles a run, which I’m now doing. For Christmas, I received new running clothes and a watch which is making me feel more and more like a runner. Finally, my runs are getting easier and faster, and now, I’m about to sign up for my first race as I promised to myself.

It’s been a long journey to get to this point. My coach has given me a challenge that I believe that I can achieve and that I am committed to achieving. I’m taking baby steps and not overwhelming myself right now with signing up for a ½ a marathon or a marathon right off the bat. I’m building a base of strength and endurance, and as I grow in my strength, my confidence will continue to build.

I see how endurance takes time and that through one day at a time, I build strength. I see how easily we can defeat ourselves by being afraid or by holding a negative belief inside our minds.

On January 20th, I’ll be lining up with hundreds of other runners to do a 5K; which for them, will be a competition with others to see who goes fastest. For me, it’s a huge win for me to show up and finish; because now, I realize that I’m on the way to doing something that I’ve wanted for so long, but didn’t think I could do. That in itself is a huge accomplishment for me.

So I’d like to ask you… do you have any beliefs about yourself that are holding you back? Do you have something that you really want to do but you’re not sure you can? Do you have any fear standing in your way?

It’s time to rewind your mind, and review the view, to see if you’re the one standing in your own way. The answer may surprise you. And if you discover, like I did, that the reason for your failure was something you believed long ago, it’s time to rediscover your strength and create a new destiny, of you succeeding and achieving your dream.